Seeds of Contemplation

Friends in Conversation - A Quiet Revolution of Hope

2007-03-19T15:14:00.000+08:00

Brian McLaren in Malaysia! That must have been the main draw for me. But I was looking forward to listening to what the conversation partners, comprising of some of the top Christian minds in Malaysia, had to say too. It’s exciting to think about what such a conversation can lead to, and I hope that this event will launch the Malaysian church into new adventures with God in the years to come!

I need to get the DVD to listen to the session recordings again though. There were just too many thoughts and words flying all around the sanctuary in CLGC. Some of them really got me thinking hard. But I’ll need to listen carefully and prayerfully at least one more time to be able to digest them. I have to acknowledge that I learned more from the local partners in conversation, with the likes of Sherman Kuek, Dr. Ng Kam Weng, Tan Soo In, Dr. Voon, Rev. Fr. Dr. Jojo Fung, Dr. Herman Shastri, and Elder Tan Kong Beng among them, more than Brian McLaren himself. I guess it’s all down to the fact that I’ve already read quite a number of his books, and most of what he said was already quite familiar to me. Maybe I’ll write more about the contents of the conversation another time, at least after a second listening when I get the DVD.

I believe that this conversation has impacted me in many ways. And it’s not just about the things that were said during the event. Firstly, I have to admit that in listening to Brian and the conversation partners, as well as in mixing with many of the other participants in the conversation, I have been taught a great deal of humility. There is just so much more that I do not know; so much more that I have not experienced or even begun to put into practice in my own life. And there are so many people from whom I need to learn and follow even as they follow Christ.

It was through this conversation also, that my own faith was affirmed. After struggling with it for quite awhile, listening and engaging with people who think mostly (not entirely!) alike in terms of how we understand the gospel and what it means to follow Christ has given me the encouragement that I need to carry on. Maybe I’m not going down the wrong road after all. Maybe I’m not that heretical! Yes, I realize how much I need a community that can affirm my faith in this particular way. Maybe I should participate in more of these conversations with brothers and sisters from Emergent Malaysia. It will also help me to sharpen my own understanding and correct any maverick ideas that I may have!

Through the worship sessions, the songs that we sang inspired me to continue my own journey in carrying the cross daily and following Christ wherever He may lead me. It is time to live out the gospel of love, redemption, reconciliation and justice – the kingdom of God – in the context of my workplace in MMU. Praxis calls…

Of all the experiences during the conversation, the one that has left the deepest mark on me came at the closing of the event. All the participants stood in a large circle in the sanctuary. A huge candle was lit and passed around. And we shared a meal of bread together, just as how Jesus shared a special meal with His disciples on that fateful night before He was arrested. What made the experience so unforgettable? Why did it leave such an indelible mark on me? The session was led by Rev. Father Jojo Fung, a Roman Catholic priest. Every time I think about it, that same sense of awe that I had then returns to amaze me. In that short moment, it felt as if the body of Christ was one and undivided. It gave me hope for the Church in Malaysia and in the world.

Watchman, What of the Night?

2007-02-12T13:27:00.000+08:00

There is this very interesting passage in Isaiah that caught my attention the first time I came across it last year. In chapter 21, Isaiah, on behalf of YHWH pronounces oracles of judgment against Babylon, and then Edom. In the oracle concerning Edom, there is this imagined conversation between a tower watchman and an inquirer:

He calls to me out of Seir,
“Watchman, what of the night?
Watchman, what of the night?”

The watchman said,
“The morning comes, and also the night.
If you will inquire, inquire;
Return! Come back!”

The picture is of someone calling out to a night watchman, asking for the time. Is the night coming to an end soon? Is the day coming? This picture becomes a metaphor for the darkness that will befall Edom. People will be asking when the night will end. Will the day come soon? Will the darkness pass? The watchman replies that the day will come. But night also. ‘Come back and ask me another time!’ he says. Although this passage originally concerns Edom, I believe it applies as much to Israel in exile, crying out for the dawn of YHWH’s kingdom and homecoming. It applies as much to anyone who may be living in darkness, searching the horizon for the first signs of daybreak.

What about us Christians? We observe that the world is in tatters. It would seem that we are still living in darkness and that we should be asking the same question: Watchman, what of the night? Yet, we believe that on that first Easter morning, dawn has broken into the world. New creation has begun. We live in the age of Advent, as we await the coming of Christ. The first Christians were on watch. But they were watching for something else. They had witnessed the dawn. They were waiting for the full light of day. Saint Paul proclaims in Romans 13:12 – the night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. Jurgen Moltmann notes this from early drawings of praying Christians:

The early Christians prayed standing, looking up, with arms outstretched and eyes wide open, ready to walk or to leap forward. Their posture reflects tense expectation, not quiet heart-searching. It says: we are living in God’s Advent. We are on the watch, in expectation of the One who is coming, and with tense attentiveness we are going to meet the coming God.

It is quite interesting that nowadays, we pray with our eyes closed. We want to shut the world out so that we can search our souls, and focus on the Lord. There is a time for contemplative and mystical prayer as we seek to draw near to God in the present. But there is also a time for us to pray messianically as we wait expectantly for Christ to come from the future to meet us. We watch and pray with our eyes open as we watch for the Advent. We also pray with our eyes open to witness the world groaning in pain, as we cry for God’s kingdom to come. We now play the role of the watchman. As the world cries out ‘What of the night?’, we who have glimpsed the light of day answer, ‘the day is at hand.’

In prayer we wake up to the world as it is spread out before God in all its heights and depths. We perceive the sighing of creation, and hear the cries of the created victims that have fallen dumb. We also hear the song of praise of the blossoming spring, and feel the divine love for everything that lives. The person who prays, lives more attentively. Pray wakefully – that is only possible if we don’t pray mystically with closed eyes, but messianically, with eyes wide open for God’s future in the world. ~ Jurgen Moltmann, In the End – The Beginning

Science and Theology

2007-01-30T10:13:00.000+08:00

Science does not have a privileged route of access to knowledge through some superior ‘scientific method’, uniquely its own possession; theology does not have a privileged route of access to knowledge through some ineffable source of unquestionable ‘revelation’, uniquely its own possession. Both are trying to grasp the significance of their encounters with manifold reality. In the case of science, the dimension of reality concerned is that of a physical world that we transcend and that can be put to the experimental test. In the case of theology, it is the reality of God who transcends us and who can be met with only in awe and obedience. ~ Sir John Polkinghorne

Drinking the Cup and Thoughts on Vocation

2007-01-04T12:50:00.000+08:00

My parents and my brother have come and gone during the long weekend that became too short. Now that I am all alone here, I find myself in melancholy mood again. I miss my family. I miss the past. I miss home… wherever that is. I’ve been thinking the whole night. I’ve been thinking about my relationships with people, and I feel guilty about all the times that I have been so selfish. I’ve been thinking about Penang and Jelutong Methodist Church. I wonder if I will have the chance to go back and stay there for awhile, to be with my family and to serve in the church that I grew up in. I wonder if there is anything that I can give in return to the community that brought me up as a child. I’ve been thinking about my mom and dad, who will be retiring in a few years’ time. I wonder if they are happy with their life right now. I wonder if they have joy and a purpose in life. I wonder if they will be happier if I moved back to Penang. I’ve been thinking about my own life. I wonder where the road will lead me. I think I need change. I need a fresh start, or else I’m going to rot here in my laziness and complacency. What is my vocation? What have I been called to? I’ve been thinking about God. And as I did so, I broke out in song as I drove from Kota Kemuning to Sri Kembangan. I believe I need a fresh injection of discipline in my relating to Him.

Some thoughts from Henri Nouwen to digest while I continue to reflect about my own calling and my vocation:

Jesus drank the cup of His life. He experienced praise, adulation, admiration and immense popularity. He also experienced rejection, ridicule, and mass hatred. At one moment people shouted “Hosanna”; a moment later they cried, “Crucify him”. Jesus took it all in, not as a hero adored and then vilified, but as the one who had come to fulfill a mission and who kept his focus on that mission whatever the responses were.

Busyness has become a sign of importance. Having much to do, many places to go, and countless people to meet gives us status and even fame. However, being busy can lead us away from our true vocation and prevent us from drinking our cup.

It is not easy to distinguish between doing what we are called to do and doing what we want to do. Our many wants can easily distract us from our true action. True action leads us to the fulfillment of our vocation. Whether we work in an office, travel the world, write books or make films, care for the poor, offer leadership, or fulfill unspectacular tasks, the question is not “What do I most want?” but “What is my vocation?” The most prestigious position in society can be an expression of obedience to our call as well as a sign of our refusal to hear that call, and the least prestigious position, too, can be a response to our vocation as well as a way to avoid it.

Drinking our cup involves carefully choosing those actions which lead us closer to complete emptying of it, so that at the end of our lives we can say with Jesus, “It is fulfilled”.

Is There Room?

2007-01-03T10:29:00.000+08:00

No room at the inn that night. May our hearts have room for Him this Christmas.

I sent this message out to some of my friends last night. This is the question asked of me this season: Do I have room for Jesus this Christmas?

Joy to the world, the Lord is come
Let Earth receive her King!
Let every heart prepare Him room
And Heaven and nature sing

After singing this carol for years and years, its meaning dawned on me this year, and it captured me.

Lifting the Cup - A Toast to Life!

2006-12-26T00:22:00.000+08:00

I lift up the cup of my life for all to see…

Cheers everyone! A toast to life!

I celebrate my life… I celebrate 2006… with all of you – all you who made a difference, all you who inspired me, all you who loved me, all you who cared for me, all you who thought about me, all you who prayed for me, all you who were there for me, all you who chose to give, and all you who allowed me to give what little I had to you in return. I acknowledge with much gratitude that even though this is my life, it is the fruit of the hard work of many people like you. Indeed, the year 2006 is worth celebrating, worth remembering, more so because of you…

I lift up the cup of my life for all to see…

I lift it up in celebration…
I lift it up in gratitude…
I lift it up as an invitation for you to join me in lifting your cups, as we share and affirm our lives together in community. To life!

I lift my cup to You, Heavenly Father, in awesome wonder, in thanksgiving, in love and in humble submission.

Holding the Cup of the Past Year

2006-12-20T17:26:00.000+08:00

I hold the cup of my life in both hands and I look into it, wondering what I will find in there. Looking back at 2006, I see a year filled with fear and anguish. I see my own journey through depression, slowly clawing out of the darkness, hoping to see the light of day. I see the false dawns teasing me with glimpses of light, but it is a light that cannot be reached. And then I tumble again into the night. Yet, even in the darkness, I see pockets of grace and joy. I see memorable moments spent with friends and family. Fraser’s Hill, Bukit Tinggi, Palau Payar, a spa experience on my birthday, even a family retreat! I see God’s grace in the beauty that He showed me in creation. Like songs breaking out in the stillness of the night, they helped me hang on. Most of all, they gave me hope. And slowly but surely, I see myself emerging from the shadows inside a pupa, out into the daylight again, changed and as unrecognizable as a butterfly is from a caterpillar. I am transformed, but a butterfly is not necessarily more beautiful than a caterpillar. From a distance, a butterfly flapping its wings in the sunlight looks gorgeous. But up close, one can see its horrifying ugliness, still a bug with a million eyes.

I see my own transformation as part and parcel of my own growth as a follower of Christ. My theologies, ideologies and faith bear not much resemblance to what they were before. It has been a lonely and a painful process, some of them self-inflicted. There were times when I wondered if I should have remained a caterpillar. I wondered if I should go back. And I still do wonder. I do feel once in a while the wonderful exhilaration of being a butterfly, and then suddenly I catch a glimpse of the ugliness within – the arrogance, the pride, the anger – and I would wonder where they’d come from; the erosion of love, joy, even faith – and I’d wonder where they’d gone.

As the wings on my back dried up and hardened in the sun, the wind of the Lord lifted me off my perch to explore this beautiful world in a fresh perspective. Near the end of 2006, even as I was being dragged out of the darkness, the Lord was already bringing me places strange and new. Preaching training? Bible study retreats? Every experience was an adventure filled with surprises, and it culminated with an unforgettable sojourn in Sarawak. I gaze at the last few months of the year and I see that the hand of God continues to shape and prune in the midst of the excitement. There are still dark corners hiding in every part of my life, remnants of the dark night of my soul. There are yet journeys to be made – among them journeys from pride to humility, from confusion to mystery, and from fear to acceptance.

And out of the year that was, I hear a voice. This voice calls me by a new name. This voice calls me to leave the oppressive comfort and security of Babylon to follow Christ with reckless abandon. This voice reminds me to trust YHWH, who led the Israelites out of Egypt and through the desert into the Promised Land; who caused water to flow out of the rocks for them. Isaiah 48 still murmurs in my heart. What this Babylon is, and where He wants me to go, I still do not know. But I have a feeling that I may not be pleased with the answer.

This is my life. This is 2006 for me. It is filled with both sorrow and joy. “Can you drink the cup that I am going to drink?” Jesus asked James and John. The cup that Jesus drank too was filled with sorrow and joy. Like Henri Nouwen says, before we can even begin drinking from the cup, we must first hold it. And to hold it means to know what is inside. Looking back at my own life, am I able to not just hold the cup of my life, but to embrace it in all its ugliness, pain and agony? Will I be able to accept it as the cup from which I have been called to drink, one that is different from everyone else’s, but yet connected to theirs in its similarity to the cup of the Lord, in that it is a cup that contains both grief and glory?

Just as there are countless varieties of wine, there are countless varieties of lives. No two lives are the same. We often compare our lives with those of others, trying to decide whether we are better or worse off, but such comparisons do not help us much. We have to live our life, not someone else’s. We have to hold our own cup. We have to dare to say, “This is my life, the life that is given to me, and it is this life that I have to live, as well as I can. Nobody else will ever live it. I have my own history, my own family, my own body, my own character, my own friends, my own way of thinking, speaking and acting – yes, I have my own life to live. No one else has the same challenge. I am alone, because I am unique. Many people can help me to live my life, but after all is said and done, I have to make my own choices about how to live. ~ Henri Nouwen, Can You Drink the Cup?

A Reflective Christmas

2006-12-19T12:59:00.000+08:00

We are six days away from Christmas. And I would like this Christmas to be a reflective one. As Henri Nouwen writes in his book, “Just living life is not enough. We must know what we are living. A life that is not reflected upon is not worth living. It belongs to the essence of being human that we contemplate our life, think about it, discuss it, evaluate it, and form opinions about it. Half of living is reflecting on what is being lived. Is it worth it? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it old? Is it new? What is it all about?”

This Christmas, and leading up to the new year, I hope to be able to reflect upon the past year. I hope I can find enough time to even read all my diary entries in the last year to gaze upon the roads that I have traveled. I hope that I can be honest with myself and look at my own life critically. And Nouwen is right to say this, that it “requires great courage, because when we start looking, we might be terrified by what we see”. I also hope that by looking back, I may be able to find some of the answers that I have been seeking for some of my questions. Have I made a wrong turn somewhere with regards to my faith? And what is that sacred task that I have been called to fulfill? I would like to contemplate all these together with a careful and reflective reading of “Can You Drink the Cup?” And I believe that I can say with quite an amount of certainty now, that this is what I want for Christmas this year. I wonder if I can go out and get myself a nice looking chalice for my personal reflections! :)

Endless Forms so Beautiful and most Wonderful

2006-12-12T14:50:00.000+08:00

Many scientists have found it necessary to speak or write about God, regardless of the views that they hold, be it theistic, agnostic or atheistic. Atheists like popular science writer and prominent zoologist Richard Dawkins are certain that evolutionary biology demonstrates the non-existence of God. Listed as one of the top intellectuals of the world, the ideas of this Oxford professor and writer of many popular books such as ‘The Selfish Gene’ and ‘The Blind Watchmaker’ are sure to carry much weight in the minds of the general public.

So here we have two Christian scientists attempting to write about God and science, with particular emphasis given to their respective fields of expertise. Owen Gingerich, Research Professor of Astronomy and Science History at Harvard University, and author of many books on astronomy as well, comes up with a little book called ‘God’s Universe’. Kenneth Miller, a cell biologist at Brown University, author of many Biology textbooks and well known Biology lecturer, writes about God and evolution in ‘Finding Darwin’s God: A Scientist’s Search for Common Ground between God and Evolution’. The fact that both authors feel the need to speak about the other person’s field shows the interconnectedness of the different scientific fields. Indeed, it is in these fields of cosmology/astronomy/quantum mechanics and biochemistry/evolutionary biology that the discussion of God often enters the fray.

Gingerich draws upon the fine-tuning of the cosmological constants necessary for the forming of life as evidence for the possibility of a Creator. Nothing really new, but I am impressed by the way he reconciles both science and religion, both as separate spheres of knowledge defined by Aristotelian divisions of efficient causes and final causes in explaining phenomena.

There are multiple levels of explanation for any phenomenon. God’s role as Sustainer can be described in Aristotelian terms as a final cause, the ultimate teleological reason something happens. Today, scientists play by the rules of a game of coherence, putting together an integrated picture of how things work, without recourse to the miraculous or to ultimate reasons. Essentially, scientists’ quests take place in the realm of efficient causes, thus, much as I might believe that the universe is best understood in terms of intelligent design, I don’t think that would get a spacecraft to Mars or explain how the laser in the grocery store checkout line works. With regard to final causes, intelligent design make a good case for a coherent understanding the cosmos. But they fall short in supplying any mechanisms to serve as the efficient causes. As a philosophical idea, intelligent design is interesting, but it does not replace the scientific explanations that evolution offers. ~ Owen Gingerich, God’s Universe

Religion and philosophy seek to answer the ‘whys’. Science seeks answers for the ‘hows’. He is also quick to criticize those who elevate the theory of evolution into the sphere of final causes, as if it could tell us why we are here, when such views only reflect the proponent’s own metaphysical stance. Kenneth Miller takes the same stance:

Materialist science, even in principle, cannot tell us why the universe of matter is structured in a way that prevents us from understanding it fully. Or why nature forever entangles the observer with the system we seek to understand. Or why we should concern ourselves with seeking the answers to such questions. The ultimate physics of nature did not complete a chain of cause and effect. It left an open window on events, a break in causality that is significant not because science cannot master a few tiny details of the physical universe – but because it cannot even address the question of why nature should be constructed along such elusive lines. Absolute materialism does not triumph because it cannot fully explain the nature of reality. The tools of science itself have discovered that scientific materialism has a curious, inherent limitation. And we are certainly left to wonder what to make of that. It could be just a puzzling, curious fact about the nature of the universe. Or it could be the clue that allows us to bind everything, including evolution, into a worldview in which science and religion are partners, not rivals, in extending human understanding a step beyond the bounds of mere materialism. ~ Kenneth Miller, Finding Darwin’s God

I found both books to be very enlightening and refreshing on different matters; Gingerich’s on the multiple levels of explaining phenomena; Miller’s on the beauty of natural selection and evolution. The only other books that I have read on evolution are from the ‘young-earth creationist’ viewpoints, which I now agree is seriously flawed.

We already know that we live in a world of natural causes, explicable by the workings of natural law. All that evolution does is to extend the workings of these natural laws to the novelty of life and to its changes over time. A God who presides over an evolutionary process is not an impotent, passive observer. Rather, He is one whose genius fashioned a fruitful world in which the process of continuing creation is woven into the fabric of matter itself. He retains the freedom to act, to reveal Himself to His creatures, to inspire, and to teach. He is the master of chance and time, whose actions, both powerful and subtle, respect the independence of His creation and give human beings the genuine freedom to accept or to reject His love. ~ Kenneth Miller, Finding Darwin’s God

Purpose rather than design, intention but not a universe worked out in exquisite detail from a celestial blueprint. A world ordered to God’s purposes could be achieved in any number of ways, not merely through a preordained design. Surely the existence of fossils of extinct creatures shows not a universe laid out according to a plan for instant perfection, but a universe that makes itself. This recognition suggests that in some fashion the powerful transcendence that brought the universe into being, and which sustains it, has self-imposed limitations. ~ Owen Gingerich, God’s Universe

I will never look at the world around us in the same way again. When I walked out of the house on Monday evening, and looked up at the sky covered with gray clouds, I could sense that the world has become a much more beautiful place to me. Can reading a few books do that to you? After a long sojourn in theology and biblical studies (having read quite a large amount of related material), I find my love for science and the quest to understand the natural world springing to life again! My childhood fascination with dinosaurs and the living world, as well as my later passion for astronomy and cosmology have now been reignited. Maybe its time to pull out Hawking from my bookshelves again! It’s quite interesting to note that Gingerich and Miller both quote the closing of Darwin’s ‘On the Origin of Species’ in their books.

Clearly, we live in a universe with a history, a very long history, and things are being worked out over unimaginably long ages. We live in an incredibly vast cosmos, something that goes hand in hand with a long history. Stars and galaxies have formed, and elements come forth from the great stellar cauldrons. Like the little bear’s porridge, the elements are just right, the environment is fit for life, and slowly life forms have populated the earth. As Darwin wrote at the end of On the Origin of Species, “There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed by the Creator into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms so beautiful and most wonderful have been and are being evolved.” ~ Owen Gingerich, God’s Universe

The Pope in Turkey

2006-12-06T10:58:00.000+08:00

Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew I

Pope Benedict XVI

I’ve been following the Pope’s controversial yet ground-breaking visit to Turkey in the local news for the past few days. There’s been a lot of hype surrounding Pope Benedict’s first visit to a Muslim country ever since his words caused a major stir among Muslims all over the world. Following in the footsteps of his predecessor, Pope John Paul II, the current pontiff visited a Mosque in a gesture of goodwill to the Muslims. And according to the media, he spent a few minutes praying alongside senior Muslim clerics in Turkey. Despite all the protests and anger aimed toward him and his visit by many parties, I must say that I really respect him for the unwavering courage that he showed. And I am really proud of what the Pope did and said in his efforts to bring about much needed reconciliation between the Muslims and the Christians. It must be really tough to be performing this great balancing act where one needs to be so very careful in whatever one says and does or risks offending certain groups of people on either side. I have been wondering if Pope Benedict would be able to live up to the standards set by his great predecessor, and I was quite disappointed when some of his remarks led to Muslim anger all over the world (even though his words were taken way out of context by the media). But since then, I can say that I am impressed and am thankful for him!

Not only that, but Pope Benedict is carrying on the work of his predecessor in reaching out to the Eastern Orthodox Church. His landmark meeting with Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew I, the leader of the Orthodox Christians, gave us a glimpse of the power and beauty of Christian unity. I like what Pope Benedict said during that meeting – The divisions which exist among Christians are a scandal to the world. Indeed. Even though disunity among Christians has caused much pain in the Church itself, such disunity is not only a bane to the Christian community, but to the world at large as well. Because if we Christians have been called to be the salt and the light of the world, so that through us the world will be blessed, then disunity points to a very big failure on our part to live up to that calling as God’s people for the world. And the world suffers as a result of that failure. I really hope that through the current leaders of the Church, God will bring together again what the Fourth Crusade tore apart, leading to the great schism between the Western and the Eastern Church. And I pray that one day, God will also heal the deep wounds caused by the Reformation that led to even more pain and division in the Western Church. Kyrie Elyson… Lord have mercy…

On the Third Trip to Sarawak...

2006-11-29T13:11:00.000+08:00

I feel that I really need to write something about the trip to Sarawak. I’ve been sick and busy for the past few days. I am still sick and busy now. There are just too many things to say that I don’t even know where to start! How do I organize all my thoughts and feelings?

During one of the devotions, on the day that we came back from the longhouses via logging trails, I asked each of us to share who God had been to us personally as well as to the team. I guess I will start here:

I feel that throughout the trip, God has been that still, small voice whispering in my ear. I could just feel Him near me in those moments that I needed Him… just before I had to chair a worship meeting, in the few minutes that I spent walking around the longhouse alone before I had to preach. I could hear Him. I could hear His Spirit filling me with ideas and words to say. I feel refreshed. Maybe it was because I was no longer the leader. I had less to worry about. I had less to think about. Instead, I had more time to pray, more time to reflect and most of all, more time to listen. I’ve never been listening to God so much before in my life! And I am thankful. I am thankful for this wonderful relationship. I am thankful for the quietness in my mind and the stillness of my heart.

Before the trip, I felt strongly that through this week-long sojourn, God wanted to teach me humility. I needed to learn to submit to my friends, to look at them as better than myself, and to remove all those arrogant thoughts that I had about myself. And He did. The surprising thing was that God had been much gentler than I expected. He was a gentle Teacher throughout. For that I am thankful too. I have had very harsh rebukes from God in the past with regards to my pride. I remember the times when He brought me real low… but this time, a soft reminder here, a tender push there, and a gentle nod over there… I don’t deserve it, I really don’t. But God has been good to me.

For the team, I believe that God has been an artist who sees the big picture. We were going back to Sarikei on the Toyota Hilux. The view was quite spectacular at times. We could see mountain ranges covered with pristine forests under the blue sky. Some places were still covered in the morning mist. We could even occasionally see the long road winding up and down the hills in the distance. And then this came to my mind: perhaps this is the view that God sees. He sees the big picture. He sees the forests. He knows where the road leads to. Our view however, is like the view from the longboats. We cannot see past the next bend. We can only see the trees right in front of us. And indeed, the whole trip came together so wonderfully that we could only admire in awe at the wisdom and sovereignty of God. No doubt there had been a lot of surprises. But everything came together – the devotions, the sermons, the team… everything. And for me, this whole trip has been God’s masterpiece.

After everyone shared, I ended by reading Isaiah 40 and 41, while reminding everyone that LORD in the English Bible represents YHWH – the name that God used to introduce Himself to Moses – I am who I am, I will be who I will be. Yes, He was. He was… we can only submit to His sovereignty.

This trip has been very different for me. It has been the best trip so far. I think I’ve found my place in the team. Whereas in previous trips I felt so detached and alone, now I feel so much a part of the team. No doubt we may still think differently when it comes to a lot of things, but I am willing to accept that. Maybe it is all out of that humility that God has been teaching me. Maybe I have changed as a result of being influenced by Brian McLaren and his idea of a generous orthodoxy since the last trip. Who knows. The whole trip was just so wonderful. The team has been so wonderful. I will always remember it. Thank you God so much… thank You…

On the last night before our flight home, while we were at the camp at Pantai Kabong, the Lord blessed me with the most astounding experience to cap off an amazing trip. The chalets had been fully booked, and we had to sleep outdoors near the hall. All the other campers had gone to bed. We had just finished our debriefing to settle some disagreements, and I went with Joash to take a bath. I later walked to the beach to join Chris and a few others who were busy playing with a hermit crab that they managed to pick up. Then I looked up and I saw it… Against the dark blackness of the sea, the sky lit up with light from a million cosmic lanterns, more than any I had ever seen in a single patch of sky in my entire life… it was so beautiful I could cry. The breeze was growing stronger, and clouds were gathering in the sky on my left. Out in the sea, flashes of lightning turned the sky white intermittently. The thunders roared to add their booming voices to the rhythmic pounding of the waves on the seashore, while the night creatures carried on singing their shrill melodies. A storm was brewing on the horizon, but the stars! Oh the stars were shining as brightly as ever in the dark of the Sarawakian night! It was a haunting sight to behold, but so achingly beautiful. Words fail me. The two elements of sea and stars seem to make very good combinations. Both are symbols of beauty and mystery. The scene reminds me of the paintings of one of my favorite artists, Christian Lassen. It was very generous of God to give me a glimpse of such beauty. To imagine that this is what God sees all the time, not just here on earth but on countless worlds all across the universe! What a way to end the trip!

Little Moments of Wonder

2006-10-05T14:09:00.000+08:00

If there is one thing amazing about Marilynne Robinson, it is her knack of being able to capture little moments of wonder in her book. I don’t know if they do anything at all to further the story, though I have a feeling that they don’t, but she just seems to be able to bring everything to a standstill with her prose, so that you just want to stop and admire the picture that she is painting so well with her words. Maybe that’s why this book won a Pulitzer prize. Seriously, I don’t know why some of those short passages are there in the book at all. I wonder why a pastor, writing his last words to his very young son knowing that he will not be able to see his little boy grow up, would include these extremely personal moments of wonder. Maybe it will help the boy to see the world through his eyes. Maybe it will help the son of Reverend Ames to see intimately into his soul when he no longer is around. Maybe, they’re like just sitting there in the story just because they’re beautiful, like these:

I really can’t tell what’s beautiful anymore. I passed two young fellows on the street the other day. I know who they are, they work at the garage. They’re not church-going, either one of them, just decent rascally young fellows who have to be joking all the time, and there they were, propped against the garage wall in the sunshine, lighting up their cigarettes. They’re always so black with grease and so strong with gasoline I don’t know why they don’t catch fire themselves. They were passing remarks back and forth the way they do and laughing that wicked way they have. And it seemed beautiful to me. It is an amazing thing to watch people laugh, the way it sort of takes them over. Sometimes they really do struggle with it. I see that in church often enough. So I wonder what it is and where it comes from, and I wonder what it expends out of your system, so that you have to do it till you’re done, like crying in a way, I suppose, except that laughter is more easily spent.

The mention of Feuerbach and joy reminded me of something I saw early one morning a few years ago, as I was walking up to the church. There was a young couple strolling along half a block ahead of me. The sun had come up brilliantly after a heavy rain, and the trees were glistening and very wet. On some impulse, plain exuberance, I suppose, the fellow jumped up and caught hold of a branch, and a storm of luminous water came pouring down on the two of them, and they laughed and took off running, the girl sweeping water off her hair and her dress as if she were a little bit disgusted, but she wasn’t. It was a beautiful thing to see, like something from a myth. I don’t know why I thought of that now, except perhaps because it is easy to believe in such moments that water was made primarily for blessing, and only secondarily for growing vegetables and doing the wash. I wish I had paid more attention to it. My list of regrets may seem unusual, but who can know that they are, really. This is an interesting planet. It deserves all the attention you can give it.

As I was walking up to the church this morning, I passed that row of big oaks by the war memorial – if you remember them – and I thought of another morning, fall a year or two ago, when they were dropping their acorns thick as hail almost. There was all sorts of thrashing in the leaves and there were acorns hitting the pavement so hard they’d fly past my head. All this in the dark, of course. I remember a slice of moon, no more than that. It was a very clear night, or morning, very still, and then there was such energy in the things transpiring among the trees, like a storm, like travail. I stood there a little out of range, and I thought, It is all still new to me. I have lived my life on the prairie and a line of oak trees can still astonish me.

Marilynne Robinson invites us to slow down and to be quiet. This is her gift to us. She reminds us to remember what we have forgotten for a long time - to be able to pay attention to this interesting planet. Yes, it really does deserve all the attention we can give it. I have forgotten… I have forgotten the little moments of wonder…

I feel sometimes as if I were a child who opens its eyes on the world once and sees amazing things it will never know any names for and then has to close its eyes again. I know this is all mere apparition compared to what awaits us, but it is only lovelier for that. There is a human beauty in it. In eternity this world will be Troy, I believe, and all that has passed here will be the epic of the universe, the ballad they sing in the streets. Because I don’t imagine any reality putting this one in the shade entirely, and I think piety forbids me to try. ~ Marilynne Robinson, Gilead

Isaiah 1-12

2006-10-05T10:51:00.000+08:00

In any of our book by book bible studies, we’ve never really attempted any book that had more than 20-something chapters. The longest we’ve done was Joshua maybe. Next in line will be Nehemiah with 13 chapters. Not too long ago, I bought a commentary on Isaiah by Walter Brueggemann. It came in two separate books, one for chapters 1-39, the other covering chapters 40-66. Isaiah has 66 chapters! Printing out the NIV version of Isaiah on paper and then sticking them together like how we do it for our group Bible studies, I began my quest of trying to understand the book I like to call: Jesus’ favorite book! I think it really was His favorite. I think it was in Isaiah in which Jesus must have glimpsed what it meant to be YHWH’s Messiah, and how the kingdom of God will come ‘in that day’. He must have embraced it and seen himself playing the role of the suffering servant as part of YHWH’s unfolding plan of judgment and redemption.

I’ve been going through the first 12 chapters. I’ve never really been familiar with this book. The number of chapters in it has been quite intimidating for me, but nevertheless, this exciting journey has begun for me. The twofold themes of judgment and hope are very strong in the imagination of Isaiah. Well, there are debates about how many authors there were. Brueggemann (along with most scholars) is of the opinion that much of Isaiah did not come from the original prophet himself, that there were at least deutero- and trito-Isaiahs, and that the book has been edited and reshaped through the years leading up to the time of Jesus. But he does make a good point in that the book should be read with consideration given to its final canonical form.

My thoughts after reading the first twelve chapters? Well, YHWH is not someone you want to mess around with! Yes, we’ve come to think of God as merciful, compassionate and good. But reading an Old Testament book like Isaiah reminds me not to take Him for granted, because YHWH, when He is angry, is unstoppable. It makes me wonder if I don’t fear God enough.

A Future Not Our Own

2006-09-13T15:11:00.000+08:00

This poem by the Archbishop Oscar Romero of El Salvador has helped to carry me through a few things recently, not least when I had to conduct a bible study on Joshua in CF. I had wanted to end the session with this poem, since I was talking about being the voice of counterculture in our world today. In the end I decided against it... I was already taking too much time!

It helps, now and then, to step back
And take the long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
It is beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of
The magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
Nothing we do is complete,
Which is another way of saying
That the kingdom always lies beyond us.

No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection…
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about:
We plant seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted,
Knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything
And there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
And to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
An opportunity for God’s grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results…
We are prophets of a future not our own.

~ Archbishop Oscar Romero of El Salvador, A Future Not Our Own

This man spoke out against injustice. He was a voice of counterculture. And one day, because of the things that he spoke about, Oscar Romero was assasinated while conducting Mass

Nouwen's Sabbatical Journey

2006-08-01T17:14:00.000+08:00

A Democratic senator was pondering how to influence people the most – as a politician who is able to introduce laws that can help millions of people, or as a minister who continues to offer hope and consolation to people in their daily struggle? For me it is not a question of how we can most influence others. What matters is our vocation. To what or whom are we called? When we make the effect of our work the criterion of our sense of self, we end up very vulnerable. Both the political and the ministerial life can be responses to a call. Both too can be ways to acquire power. The final issue is not the result of our work but the obedience to God’s will, as long as we realize that God’s will is the expression of God’s love.~ Henri Nouwen, Sabbatical Journey

Life is ‘a little while’, a short moment of waiting. It is to wait full of expectation. The knowledge that God will indeed fulfill the promise to renew everything, and will offer us a new heaven and a new earth, makes the waiting exciting. We can already see the beginning of the fulfillment. Nature speaks of it every spring; people speak of it whenever they smile; the sun, the moon, and the stars speak of it when they offer us light and beauty; and all of history speaks of it when amidst all devastation and chaos, men and women arise who reveal the hope that lives within them. What is my main task during my ‘little while’? I want to point to the sings of the Kingdom to come, to speak about the first rays of the day of God. I do not want to complain about this passing world but to focus on the eternal that lights up in the midst of the temporal. I yearn to create space where it can be seen and celebrated. ~ Henri Nouwen, Sabbatical Journey

In his life Henri lived close to those who suffered and he accompanied many people as they prepared to die. What then can be said of the death of our friend and teacher? Though not the one he was expecting, Henri’s heart attack was indeed a gift that helped him to make a passage. It is amazing grace that Henri died in his homeland close to family and a couple of close friends. The presence of these people, many faxes, and several phone calls reminded him of how deeply he was loved. Although he was fully expecting to live for many more years, Henri was not afraid to die. He had many struggles and had shared them openly with his friends and through his numerous writings. But this I know: Henri died at peace with himself, his family, his own faith community of L’Arche, his friends, his vocation as a priest, and the God whose everlasting love has been Henri’s beacon for sixty-four years. ~ Nathan Ball, Afterword to Sabbatical Journey

I have never met Henri Nouwen personally. Neither does he know me. But reading the closing words of Nathan Ball at the end of Nouwen’s diary, I felt as if I had lost a close friend. Indeed, after reading so many of his books, including two personal diaries, I feel so connected to Henri in ways that I cannot fully understand. It is a relationship between an author who wrote so transparently and intimately, with a reader among millions of others who felt deeply about what he wrote. It feels as if I’ve been with Nouwen through all his journeys in L’Arche as well as all over the world. One moment he is so alive and passionate. In the next chapter, someone else is writing about his death. It feels so awkward. Yet, it becomes so enriching when I reflect on it… a man who was faithful till the end. Neither of us met each other before, yet I consider Henri Nouwen a friend on my journey in life, for he shared his life with me and I am changed because of it.

Is This My Father's World?

2006-07-27T18:11:00.000+08:00

I’m getting depressed… really, really depressed. I look at the situation in the Middle East and the ripples that are being sent all across the world, not least in Malaysia, and I get frustrated. More demonstrations. More propaganda. More anger and hatred. The world is taking sides, while more and more people are dying. I look at the situation in our own country and I feel even worse. Article 11, racial and religious tensions, people inciting anger, Lina Joy, the Ethnic Relations textbook, demonstrations against Israel and the US… Everyone is pointing fingers at everyone else. No one wants to look at themselves. All are blinded by their own biasness and anger. “We are always right. They are wrong. We’re the good guys. They’re the bad guys.” All I see is hypocrisy. What is happening to our country? What is happening to our world? I got so worked up over these issues today as I pored through news websites and web logs. Feelings of frustration are welling up again as I write. As feelings of despair threaten to overwhelm me, I find myself humming the old, old hymn - This is My Father’s World. Am I trying to comfort myself? As the world heads into a downward spiral, I hang on to the words in the third verse –

This is my Father’s world.
O let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world:
the battle is not done:
Jesus Who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.

What is a Christian to do in all this? Do we shrug it off and say it’s none of our business? Do we take sides? I believe strongly that the task of a follower of Christ is not to be ignorant, nor to take sides, but to stand in the middle of it all – the brokenness, the wars, the barriers, the anger and the hatred – and to be God’s agents of healing and reconciliation, even if it means risking scorn and ridicule from both sides (even from other Christians!); even if it means that in the process we ourselves are crushed to death by the weight of it all… This is the cross we have to bear…

And this work begins when we admit that deep down in our own hearts, we are capable of the same sins that we see in the world; the same hypocrisy; that we ourselves need forgiveness just as much as anyone else. Then only can we pray… and be the voice of love that the world desperately needs… the fingerprints of God in a world bereft of hope…

Ecclesiastes

2006-07-19T17:25:00.000+08:00

For the first time in the history of our SK Bible study group, we had our Bible study retreat this weekend. It was the first for me as well. I’ve never organized anything like it before. Now how do I feel about it? I’ve been looking so much forward to it in recent weeks, so much that I cannot utterly believe that it’s over in a flash! One whole weekend and it’s gone! Now things are settling down again – the house is quiet, and the voices of laughter and chattering are nothing but echoes of a memory. It was fun while it lasted. Maybe we could do this more often. Maybe we should!

Was it a retreat? Did we have a good rest from the hustle and bustle of everyday life? I don’t know about the others, but I didn’t really manage to rest physically. Not with the late nights and early morning wake up calls. Not with the pressure of having to think about what to do for the next session! But I think spiritually and emotionally, I feel refreshed. I did have a great time with the rest of my friends. Thanks guys - Glen, Esther, Yuet Pei, Joash, Ow, Kat and Agnes. Thanks for making it such a great weekend. Hope you all had a good rest.

Besides eating a lot and playing Betrayal quite a lot, we managed to have four sessions of Bible studies. The first on Friday was an introduction to Ecclesiastes and wisdom literature in general. I attempted to introduce ‘the Teacher’ in as short a time as possible so that we could all move on into sharing. Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to follow. All of us shared. And it wasn’t like how it would normally be in our weekly Bible studies. Everyone was so transparent in the opening of themselves, so that it felt so intimate between the eight of us there. Everyone let their walls down so that the others could see deep into their broken and dry selves. It set the tone for a wonderful start to the whole weekend.

In the next three sessions, we all had a great conversation with the Teacher in Ecclesiastes. No doubt we may not agree with everything that he says, but he does have a lot to say to us. Yes, things are temporary and passing. Many things are futile and not worth chasing after. He looked around him, and saw the multi-layered realities of life. They frustrated him, and raised deep questions within him. The righteous getting what the wicked deserve while the wicked live long in their wickedness. Things don’t always seem to add up. Indeed, life is not so simple and neat after all. We can be righteous or wicked, wise or foolish, human or animal, but death is the great equalizer and it comes to all. But in all his questions and depression, God remained real to him. He came to see that we cannot fully fathom God, and our response is to stand in awe of His sovereignty. We cannot straighten what God has made crooked, so let us accept them as they are. And all these questions become less relevant when we live a life of contentment by enjoying the simple pleasures in life like eating, drinking and working. This is our lot, he says – they are a gift from God. Live life to the full! Before the days grow dark and old age overtakes us all. But remember our Creator for He will hold us accountable to what we do with our lives.

We closed the whole study by reflecting on these questions: What are some of the realities in life that we have to face? How has God been real to each of us? What are some of our ambitions and things that we do that are meaningless? What are some of the things that we need to accept as a gift from God and enjoy? Finally, we thought about what we wanted to do with our lives. We wrote it on a piece of paper and stuffed it into a little gift box… as a reminder that life is God’s gift to us…

I don’t know if God spoke to all of us during this retreat. Of course I have been praying that He would. I trust that He will continue to do His work in each of us. And I hope that I have been faithful in doing what He has set for me to do. I was quite concerned earlier when Kat and Esther mentioned that they were not feeling well. Agnes had been having diarrhea in the days leading up to the retreat. I’m glad it all turned out fine. Thanks… and glory be to God in the highest! I have a little secret though. The little piece of paper in my little gift box is still blank… and I hope that God will reveal it to me in due time…

Father, I abandon myself into your hands.
Do with me whatever you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you.
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me,
And in all your creatures.
Into your hands I commend my spirit.
I offer it to you with all the love that is in my heart.
For I love you, Lord, and so want to give myself,
To surrender myself into your hands,
Without reserve and with boundless confidence,
For you are my father.
Amen.

Thank God for the Da Vinci Code?

2006-05-26T14:28:00.000+08:00

I’ve just watched the Da Vinci code last night. Well, it’s not as boring as other people have suggested it to be. It was a thriller, no doubt, with all its plot twists. It’s just too bad that I already knew what was coming, thanks to all the hype surrounding the movie, not to mention the flyers spreading all over. And it seems that almost every Christian blog is talking about it, putting links to articles about it, etc… and they are all full of spoilers!! It seems that the Christians are taking this work of fiction too seriously, even more than our non-Christian counterparts! So here I am, continuing with the trend… haha!

There are already more than enough articles claiming to rebut the theories put forth by Dan Brown about Jesus. I’ll be sick if I look at another one. Yes, yes, there are a lot of theological and historical errors in the story. But is there any truth in the Da Vinci code? Or, to reframe the question, does Dan Brown have a point?

Has the Church focused so much on the divinity of Jesus that we have forgotten how human He was? Do we need to allow Jesus to be the man that He was 2000 years ago? And there is no better place to see Jesus in all his humanness in the four canonical gospels. We don’t need to go to the Gnostic gospels (they don’t really portray Jesus as a human being anyway, since according to Gnostic beliefs, Jesus never had a physical body!).

And, has the Church forgotten its mission? Christianity began as a subversive and radical movement against the unjust powers of the first century, namely the Temple hierarchy, and the Emperor cult of Rome. No wonder they were mostly tortured or killed. Now it seems that Christianity is colluding with those powers and systems that Jesus openly criticized. Instead, the Church in certain parts of the world is turning against those people Jesus would have sought to protect – the sinners, the poor and the marginalized. The role has been reversed. No wonder people are so fed up with the Christians! No wonder they don’t like the version of Jesus that the Church seems to portray to the world. No wonder people believe that the Church is a power-crazy institution that will do anything to protect its power. Does the Church need to reevaluate what it stands for, and learn again as little children what it means to follow Jesus?

Thanks to the Da Vinci code, my colleagues are all talking about religion. They’re asking me more questions than ever before about Jesus. Every time we sit down for lunch, the topic is sure to enter the conversation. So I made it a point to watch the show with them. I guess the book and the movie are a blessing in disguise. No doubt it hurts to hear what the movie says about our Lord and Christianity. But we can be assured that the shame, humiliation and pain of Friday will ultimately lead to victory, joy and glory on Sunday…

On another note, the Church has gone to great lengths to teach its adherents how to differentiate between fact and fiction in the Da Vinci Code. We are reminded again and again that this is a work of fiction. Now, why doesn’t the Church do the same thing with another work of fiction that is equally as damaging and dangerous, if not even more so because many Christians actually believe it to be true? I’m talking about the ‘Left Behind’ series, which is as much fiction with as much theological errors as the Da Vinci Code is and has. Why aren’t there as many rebuttals and seminars about it?

By the Waterfalls, a Reflection

2006-05-02T15:47:00.000+08:00

The waters fall, the streams continue to flow. On and on, they never seem to run dry. Where does the water come from? Did someone up the hill forget to turn the tap off? The waterfall answers, “We come from the clouds. The rain keeps us going. Every time the dew from heaven falls on the mountainside, we are strengthened, refreshed and renewed.” Like the waterfalls, we depend on God to keep us going. “Rain down on us, O LORD, and rejuvenate us” we pray. Sometimes we forget.

By the sandy riverbanks, the trees reach for the sun. The animals come to live on their branches, and under their cool shade. Why do they grow so tall and strong? “The river gives us life”, they say. As the stream follows its course, it brings life wherever it goes. Our lives flow by a multitude of other lives. Like the stream, do we become that channel to which life can flow from God to others?

On and on the river runs, never stopping to rest. “Hey, wait a minute! I can’t keep up with you!” Like the river, our lives flow on and on. Most of the time, we can’t catch up. One year passes by, and then another. We then wonder what happened. “Where did it all go?” we ask. “All gone in a flash” the echoes whisper in our ears. We need to slow down. We need to pause for a moment to reflect, to enjoy and to really live. Are we aware of the beauty that surrounds us each day? Are we aware of the little movements of God in and around us?

The stream flows next to me. The water is muddy, but the current is strong. Why? Why does the stream look the way it does? Why is it the way it is? The sand and the mud follow it down the mountainside. The little streams that flow into it along the way determine its volume. What I see next to me is merely a snapshot of a long, winding journey down the mountain. Past experiences flow like little streams into our lives to make us who we are today. We carry scars along with us like silt carried by the currents. Chance? Inevitable accidents? Fate? Or God’s careful shaping of our lives? Is this what it’s been leading to? Or is there more? I cannot see. Where does the river go next? What happens after the next bend? They are obscured by the trees. Where are we going? What’s next? How long more? We can’t see. They are obscured by the misty unknown we call the future. All we know, is that somehow, somewhere, the river flows into the sea. Infinity. Eternity. Hope. What will carry us through the unseen stretch ahead? What will keep us going? A promise… and a hope…

Who Am I?

2006-04-26T11:28:00.000+08:00

Who am I?
Who am I?

John and Sharlene van Tonder came over to settle some matters at their respective embassies on Monday. Under the streetlamps, in the shadow of the Putrajaya mosque, they shared…

Out of the river onto the riverbanks
Out of the action into redundancy
Spectators watching from the sidelines
And this becomes the catalyst
For God’s work of formation
When all else is taken away
And the feeling of utter uselessness comes to stay

I feel… I feel…
The same way

Who am I? Who am I?
Who am I when self security is gone?
Who am I when I am no longer a man of influence?
Who am I? Who am I?
Who am I when all sense of enjoyment disappears?
Who am I… when I am no longer my own god?

Nothing, empty handed, that is who I am
This is how I came
This is how I go

Yet…

Fearfully and wonderfully made
A child, in His loving hands
Bearing and reflecting His image
In a beautiful but scarred world
How many times have we heard?
How many times have we preached?
Yet how many times have we forgotten?

Who am I?
I guess I remember now…
In relation to God
In relation to the world
What do I do now
Knowing what I know about who I am?

All these I pondered as the music played on, the lights dimmed and Michael William closed his sermon in CF on the topic: Who am I?

Amethystium

2006-04-20T13:10:00.000+08:00

Finally, after having to look around the whole of Malaysia for more than a year; after failing to find it in New Zealand; after attempting to ask some of my friends who were coming back from overseas to look for it in US and other places; I stumbled upon that elusive CD – Evermind. The third album in the dragonfly trilogy by Amethystium, it was hidden in a little corner behind a stack of other CDs at Borders in Singapore.

I picked up Amethystium’s first album, Odonata, at a music store in Penang about 4 years ago, mainly because I thought the CD cover looked cool. I had never heard of it till then. Went home, popped the CD into the player, and listened to it in awe. Best music I had ever heard (at least until the second album came out), and from then on, I was hooked. Amethystium, and the talented Norwegian behind it, Oystein Ramfjord, is definitely my favorite artist. I highly recommend it to all newage/ambient/electronic/darkwave music fans! Check out reviews here. Get some low quality sampling here on the official website.

Bukit Tinggi Weekend

2006-04-04T10:03:00.000+08:00

Last weekend was Bukit Tinggi with the mission trip gang. Nice place. There was much fun, laughter and relaxation in a refreshing environment. But most of all, the trip was very educational, filled with great opportunities to improve one’s knowledge. What did I learn?

1. Szu Li is good with quizzes.
2. Kat can stay on the phone for a long time.
3. Chris has lots of friends in Bukit Tinggi, though I would think that most of them came (and they came in the hundreds!) because they were attracted to the light rather than to visit him.
4. Joash can maneuver a four-wheel drive with expert ease… and he sweats a lot.
5. Jane’nette is very proud of her boyfriend and will jump at every opportunity to show him off to others, thus making other girls around green with envy and all the other guys around suffer from low self esteem.
6. There IS such a thing as beginner’s luck – Su Chen proved it twice.
7. Houston is NOT a state in America (a painful lesson though it was).
8. Gender equality is selective – it only applies when those who are endowed with estrogen producing glands are the ones reaping the benefits.
9. The statement that men are in nature more competitive compared to women (who are more cooperative) is false. When it comes to the battle of the sexes (or in any game in which women go up against men), women can be treacherously competitive.
10. The word ‘formication’ exists, even though Microsoft Word dictionary does not recognize it. And it has nothing to do with sexual immorality.
11. Bugs are your friends (especially big ones with weird looking horns on their heads).
12. Pelting someone with ping-pong balls can be an exhilarating experience.
13. If you are playing a game in which you have to pick up ping-pong balls that have been thrown at you, make sure you sit near the wall and that there are no stacks of furniture behind you.
14. Having nicknames like gonorrhea and syphilis after learning these terms in Human Development is NOT cool.
15. A ‘hooker’ is something that you use to hang clothes in the bathroom.

Pulau Payar

2006-04-03T13:46:00.000+08:00

The Last Word

2006-03-24T10:45:00.000+08:00

The last time I read a book that had the words ‘The Last Word’ in it, I was left with my beliefs shaken as my mind filled to the brim with questions and more questions (Yes, it was Brian McLaren’s ‘The Last Word and the Word After That’!). It was, together with its 2 prequels, the beginning of my journey to a new understanding of Christianity. Not long after (and a few more books later), my long-held understanding of Sola Scriptura and the inerrancy/infallibility of the Bible went out the window as well, leaving me in a state of uncertainty. Would I end up becoming what many would call a ‘liberal’ Christian who keeps certain passages of the Bible that appeal to me while throwing out those that don’t? What kind of authority would the Bible have on me from then on? Even at that stage, I still very much enjoyed studying the Bible with my friends, as well as on my own. But the question remained. What authority does the Bible have and what role does it play in the Church?

It is kind of odd, that a book with a similar phrase on its cover would provide me with very convincing answers, and provide a kind of closure (whether it is temporary or permanent remains to be seen) to it all (and of course, the journey is still ongoing!). The works of N. T. Wright, currently my favorite author, have been very inspiring. In those areas that Brain McLaren left me questioning my previous beliefs, Wright has provided me with scholarly views and biblical studies with a totally fresh perspective to answer those questions. That’s why I’m sort of on a personal crusade to read everything that he has ever written, including his ‘For Everyone’ commentaries of the entire New Testament! So I was not surprised that after reading ‘The Last Word: Beyond the Bible Wars to a New Understanding of the Authority of Scripture’, I feel a sort of closure in my struggles with Sola Scriptura and the authority of the Bible. I’ll be summarizing some of Wright’s points in the near future as I indulge myself in my second reading of this short but very profound book.

I Think I've Found My Hero!

2006-03-23T17:33:00.000+08:00

A lecturer from UM (I do not want to disclose his name here, but he does have an interesting name!) came to speak in CF on Tuesday. As I talked to him after CF, I found out, to my utter amazement and delight, that he is a paleontologist! And there I was, this dinosaur loving grown-up kid who always wanted to be a paleontologist (but ended up being a reluctant engineer instead), drooling all over this real-life scientist who studies real-life fossils. It was pure admiration for the man that I wanted to be, and pure jealousy for not being able to be that man. I never knew there were paleontologists in Malaysia! “You mean you can find fossils of prehistoric creatures in Malaysia? Which age?” I asked him in starry eyed wonder. “Precambrian, Cambrian…” he answered like any knowledgeable scientist (and any kid like me who grew up reading books that had all those words in it) would. “In fact, if you go to this place just outside Kangar, you can actually find Trilobite fossils over there. It’s just that we haven’t found any dinosaurs yet.” Wow…

When I found out that he offered to speak on topics such as Creation and Evolutionary theories for any upcoming Inter-faith talks, I realized that I just had to ask him this question: What is your position on Creation and Evolution? When we were coming out of the elevator to walk to the parking lot, I popped the question. His answer? “Of course, it’s Creation. It is a miracle, whether it took 6 days or 6 billion years. But if you study within the confines of the Universe, you will find that it is evolutionary.” Ah… I was happy with that answer. At last, I’ve found another person in Malaysia who has a similar view to that of my own – that of Theistic Evolution. I often cringe when Christians who know nothing about it make fun of it and write it off as if every evolutionist is a silly God-rejector (because the Bible says God made the world in six 24-hour days). No doubt it still remains a theory. No doubt it still has its problems. No doubt it cannot be proven empirically. But there is growing evidence for it. And of course, it doesn’t matter if God created the world in 6 days or 6 billion years anyway… not for many people. But for those who desire to know the mind of God through His handiworks, it is a joy to find out more about these things.

I wonder if I’ll have another opportunity to have a chat with him. My hero?! Maybe I can find a little time to spare for a trip to Kangar… fossil hunting anyone?

Word Cloud

2006-03-21T16:34:00.000+08:00

I tried the Word Cloud design by Snapshirts and I got this. The program looks through your website to pick out repeated words, so you get a feel of what you normally write about. So maybe these words form the theme of my blog...

thanks to sivinkit for this cool website!

Pondering...

2006-03-09T17:20:00.000+08:00

I’ve been thinking about life and death a lot recently. Those morbid thoughts have led me in and out of depression in the last few months. That aside, I have been thinking a lot about my own life in all its fragility, messiness and beauty. Life is fragile. I’ve said it many times before. If it ends tonight, will I be satisfied with the way that I’ve lived? Am I living life to the fullest? Have I been a good steward of this gift that has been bestowed upon me each day when thousands of others do not wake up to see the sun rising the next day?

Such ruminations, while thinking about what I’ve just read about being a Christian in Malaysia and some recent posts by a friend on her blog, cause me to ponder about my own future, however short it may or may not be. There’s been a faint whisper tugging at my heart, calling me home to Penang to be with my family and the people that I’ve known during my growing up years. More and more, I’m beginning to feel a deep sense of wanting to spend more time with my parents, not least because of my recent illness and the thought that we may not have much time left together on this earth and in this age. Nevertheless, it still remains a faint whisper… Deep down, I also wonder if I should be doing something else. Where do I go from here? There are decisions to be made, and a brittle but exciting life to be lived.

In terms of ministry, two in particular have been my joy and constant source of refreshing. They are the two Bible studies that I am involved in – one in SK, and the other in campus. I thank God each time I think about the fruits that have been borne through those studies. I look forward to these sessions every week, and leave them feeling blessed. I thank all these friends of mine who make the study so much more fun, insightful and rewarding. I realize now… that this is something that I love doing so very much… these are little things… which now remind me again of God’s message to me just a little more than a year ago; about the little things that He wants me to do; that my call to ministry will be a ministry of little things… I remember now… just like before, just like my Grandma… just like yeast working invisibly through the whole dough… Learning to let go of certain things while fighting the need to feel important will not be easy.

Into Perspective

2006-03-02T09:56:00.000+08:00

My dear friend Su Chen posted a note of encouragement to me... :) (Thanks!!) In it, she quotes the lyrics of a song - "God of wonders, beyond our galaxy"...

In yesterday's news, NASA reported that the Hubble Space Telescope has captured the most detailed image of a spiral galaxy. Similar to our own Milky Way galaxy, the Pinwheel galaxy (or Messier 101) is estimated to contain about 1 trillion stars... that's about 1,000,000,000,000 stars. Of course, I do not want to take the beauty out of it all with too much technical detail. Let's just savour its beauty and confounding extravagance...

... and it does put our lives (including all our problems and anxieties) into perspective...

On Christian Leadership

2006-03-01T14:01:00.000+08:00

Reading Henri Nouwen has always been very insightful for me. Many of his books are short, but the wisdom that the books contain is usually profound. Every time I pick up ‘The Wounded Healer’ to read a paragraph or a subchapter, I have to stop myself from reading further so that I can properly digest all that he has to say. I’ve picked out a few paragraphs to think about for the coming days and to see what they mean for the ministries that I am involved in.

It seems necessary to re-establish the basic principle that no one can help anyone without becoming involved, without entering with his whole person into the painful situation, without taking the risk of becoming hurt, wounded or even destroyed in the process. The beginning and the end of all Christian leadership is to give your life for others. Thinking about martyrdom can be an escape unless we realize that real martyrdom means a witness that starts with the willingness to cry with those who cry, laugh with those who laugh, and to make one’s own painful and joyful experiences available as sources of clarification and understanding. Who can save a child from a burning house without taking the risk of being hurt by the flames? Who can listen to a story of loneliness and despair without taking the risk of experiencing similar pains in his own heart and even losing his precious peace of mind? In short: “Who can take away suffering without entering it?”

When one has the courage to enter where life is experienced as most unique and most private, one touches the soul of the community. What is most personal and unique in each one of us is probably the very element which would, if it were shared or expressed, speak most deeply to others.

Christian leadership is a dead-end street when nothing new is expected, when everything sounds familiar and when ministry has regressed to the level of routine. Many have walked into that dead-end street and found themselves imprisoned in a life where all the words were already spoken, all events had already taken place, and all the people had already been met. But for a man with a deep-rooted faith in the value and meaning of life, every experience holds a new promise, every encounter carries a new insight, and every event brings a new message.

A Christian leader is a man of hope whose strength in the final analysis is based neither on self-confidence derived from his personality, nor on specific expectations for the future, but on a promise given to him. This promise not only made Abraham travel to unknown territory; it not only inspired Moses to lead his people out of slavery; it is also the guiding motive for any Christian who keeps pointing to new life even in the face of corruption and death. Leadership therefore is not called Christian because it is permeated with optimism against all the odds of life, but because it is grounded in the historic Christ-event which is understood as a definitive breach in the deterministic chain of human trial and error, and as a dramatic affirmation that there is light on the other side of darkness. Every attempt to attach this hope to visible symptoms in our surroundings becomes a temptation when it prevents us from the realization that promises, not concrete successes, are the basis of Christian leadership. Many ministers, priests and Christian laymen have become disillusioned, bitter and even hostile when years of hard work bear no fruit, when little change is accomplished. Building a vocation on the expectations of concrete results, however conceived, is like building a house on sand instead of on solid rock, and even takes away the ability to accept successes as free gifts.

End of the Road

2006-02-27T11:28:00.000+08:00

Imagine driving down an old, winding trunk road, with a big truck right in front of you. You want to go faster, but you can’t. And all of a sudden, the truck grinds to a halt and you are forced to stop. You wonder how long it will be before the truck moves again. You wonder if you should turn back and take that exit you passed 5 hours ago. You feel like giving up on the entire journey to just go home.

This is how I feel about my Masters research at the moment. Dead end. Should I take another road, using another method? Or should I just give up and go home… to Penang? I don’t feel like thinking about it now. Not today. I’ll just prepare for the wrap-up on the book of Joshua for Bible study tonight and forget about it for now…

In Loving Memory...

2006-02-21T10:26:00.000+08:00

The Kingdom of Heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour until all of it was leavened (Matthew 13:34)

Ten years ago, Grandma returned home… after more than a year of battling with leukemia. She did not have many relatives (in fact, when she passed away, her only relatives were her husband, children and grandchildren), she did not have many possessions, she did not have much education; she came into the world with nothing, and left with nothing much of material worth behind. But she left a legacy.

Her selfless and sacrificial love for others was the one thing that everyone she knew saw in her. Though she was despised by many out of jealousy, even hit by her mother in law while pregnant, she chose to suffer in silence. Even near her end, she chose to bear her pain in silence, never wanting to cause her children any worry. For the sake of family unity, she would always choose to take the blame for every little dispute, pointing the finger at herself even when it had nothing to do with her at all. That was how she protected her children.

Having read Pastor Sivin Kit’s article in the FES newsletter on Jesus’ parable likening the Kingdom of God to yeast that is invisible but which works its way through the dough, I couldn’t help thinking how Grandma was a perfect example of the parable. She had no form of theological education or training, she never much served in any church ministry and she was never one who was very popular in church, but she fulfilled her responsibilities as a wife, mother and grandmother as best she could. She would do the house chores, even when she was ill. She would sacrifice her own well-being for the comfort of others. She would serve everyone she knew… even the house maid! And through her, the Kingdom of God broke into the family and into the world. Now, her legacy lives on – in her children and grandchildren who have been witnesses to her selfless love. I see the same kind of love in my own father and in my aunts. And though I fail on countless occasions, I hope to be like her one day…

I was told by Dad and my aunts that I had been her favorite grandchild. With both my parents working, she was the one who took care of me when I was young. I remember faintly her stroking my eyebrows to put me to sleep, fetching me back from school and occasionally to the barber. I still keep the toy dinosaur that she gave me a year before she died. My Dad even told me that my grandma loved me more than even he or my mom could. Of the little that she owned, the most valuable was a jade ring. Before she died, she gave the ring to my aunt to be kept, so that it would be passed to me when I grew older…

In loving memory of my grandma, Kuan Yuet Ngor, who passed away on 18 February 1996

The Mountain of Silence

2006-02-20T16:25:00.000+08:00

My own journey through 'the Mountain of silence’ has been quite different from that of Kyriacos Markides, who wrote this book. In it, he shares some of his conversations with Father Maximos, a wise Greek Orthodox monk, as well as some of his own experiences in a monastery in Cyprus as he continues on the journey homeward to his childhood faith which he had abandoned as a social scientist. The book ends with his own reflections on Eastern Christianity while comparing it to the Western version which ironically most of us Asians have inherited through Roman Catholicism and Protestantism; and details his visit to Mount Athos in Greece, one of the holiest sites in Eastern Orthodoxy, home to thousands of hermits and monks from all over the world.

I found the book to be quite an interesting introduction to the Eastern Orthodox Church, with a lot of dialogue on issues that Western rationalism (and even Western Christianity itself) may consider very bizarre e.g. encounters with early Christian saints, Mary, and even Jesus himself, time warps, and physical attacks by demons. Along with these are unfamiliar thoughts e.g. positive and negative energies, hell as a temporary place, hermits, breathing exercises, and chants (I couldn’t help comparing some of these experiences to the Eastern mystical religions and the modern charismatic movement!). Two points particularly stood out for me throughout the book.

One of them is the mystical side of Christianity, which the Western world attempted to snuff out in the post-Enlightenment era but seems to be making a comeback through the charismatic movement. I have been quick to reject much of this side of Christianity due to my unhelpful experiences with Charismatic churches, much to the detriment of my own spirituality as a Christian. Having such biased feelings towards the Charismatic Church (which I admit is a failure on my part), I thank God for the more healthy respect that I have for Eastern Orthodoxy, which I hope will help me get rid of those biases and lead me back to a more balanced faith by bringing together the mystical and the rational, as well as help me to appreciate the Charismatic Movement more. Kyriacos Markides sums it all up wonderfully:

That in fact both the Hesychast approach to God on one hand and the philosophical approach to God on the other may be two sides of the same Christian coin. One dominant in the East and the other dominant in the West. Christianity, has two lungs. One is western, meaning rational and philosophical, and the other Eastern, meaning mystical and otherworldly. Both are needed for proper breathing.

He also quotes Gregory Palamas, a 14th century monk and Saint:

The theology that is based on intellectual constructs and not on the direct experience of God is philosophy and not theology. It is a human creation that offers neither real knowledge of God nor peace to the heart

The second point is Eastern Christianity’s emphasis on humility and submission to authority, which both go hand in hand. Father Maximos couldn’t stress enough on it. It is the pathway to experiencing God’s grace. Every monk must submit to his elder, even if the elder may be misusing his power or asking the monk to do something foolish. The monks look at it as part of their own spiritual training. Humility is the test of true sainthood. I realize my own folly in criticizing certain churches (or church leaders) whenever I have disagreed with them. My disregard for church authority (or any other form of authority) is just a sign of pride and my own spiritual immaturity.

First, you must always consider others wiser and better than yourself, and second, you must never take credit for whatever achievements you may attain but attribute everything to the Grace of God. ~ Father Maximos

As Aporetic mentioned in his comments, there is much that we can learn from Eastern Christianity.

My Friend the Poet

2006-02-14T11:57:00.000+08:00

Words
Convey meanings
But when chosen carefully
And weaved together with a little twist, turn and twirl
Become a masterpiece
A garden of wondrous delights
Sweeping one across
Deserts wild and harsh
Valleys green and lush
Mountains high and lofty
Oceans dark and deep

Like the wind that travels the world
Exploring every nook and cranny
Every cave hidden behind a waterfall
Every forgotten ruin crumbling in ancient forests
To bring back tales of wonder and mystery
It tells the story of every human heart
Tugging at the souls of those who really listen
And who gaze into the soul of
The master behind the masterpiece

To my friend the poet, whose masterpieces continue to stir, inspire and move.

More from the East

2006-02-13T16:09:00.000+08:00

A few more interesting quotes from Father Maximos in 'The Mountain of Silence' by Kyriacos Markides:

We must never see our fellow human beings as anything other than the image of God

As a form of spiritual practice we must learn not to allow the episodes in our lives to go by unnoticed. By that I don’t mean that we should focus on the tragedies and difficulties that we encounter and make them appear more bleak than they already are, leading us to despair and depression. Rather, we must realize that whatever happens to us unfolds within the infinite ocean of God’s mercy and compassion.

Don’t live with illusions. Our notions of justice are different from God’s.

God becomes manifest at the end stage of an excruciating patience. At that ultimate point when the person has no more capacity for endurance, God may make His appearance.

The Efche

2006-02-09T16:24:00.000+08:00

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Simple… yet profoundly meaningful. This prayer, used by many Eastern Orthodox Christians over the ages, is supposed to help keep one’s mind focused on God at all times. So I tried praying it a few times – on my way back from Ipoh, and whenever it came to mind. I can say that it helps me to be aware of God as I went about my tasks. It reminds me of who I am - a sinner in need of God’s mercy and grace; yet someone who calls Jesus ‘Lord’ and who needs to live like he means it.

Good Conversation on the Cartoons

2006-02-07T10:21:00.000+08:00

There's a good conversation going on at Imran Anwar's blog on the controversial cartoons issue. Good post and comments from the Muslim perspective over there...

Meanwhile, the situation seems to be worsening as deaths and injuries have been reported all around the world in the riots. Even South East Asia has not been spared...

Suffering in Silence

2006-02-06T14:03:00.000+08:00

In the last few days, local newspapers and international websites have been following the events surrounding the publication of sensitive cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad by the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten. Other newspapers have unwisely reprinted the cartoons, much to the anger and disgust of millions of Muslims worldwide. Reaction from the Muslim world has been swift and extensive. Muslim leaders, including our own Prime Minister have condemned the irresponsible act. In the streets, many Muslims have taken to rioting and the torching of embassies. Some countries have even resorted to economical sanctions to block off Danish and Norwegian products.

Having quite a few Muslim friends, I can understand their reaction to such an insensitive act. I wonder if those responsible for it were aware of the global impact it would have. Maybe they underestimated the consequences. I myself am surprised by the effects of this small cartoon. And the world changed because of it. It definitely wasn’t for the better.

Reflecting on this little incident that sparked worldwide outrage, I realized that not for the first time, Muslims all over the world have stood up for one another when they have been treated unjustly. The mishandling of Iraqi prisoners, the discrimination of Muslims in Western countries after September 11, and the banning of the ‘tudung’ in certain countries have sparked similar outrage. Though some of these reactions have gone overboard in my opinion, the fact is that Muslims worldwide do not remain silent over such issues.

I then wondered why Christians have chosen to remain silent when their brothers and sisters in another country are constantly being persecuted. Christians have mostly remained silent when others have blasphemed against and criticized their Lord. Insulting caricatures of Jesus Christ get published all the time. Imagine if Hollywood decided to make a movie out of a Muslim version of ‘The da Vinci Code’. Imagine if a mosque was burnt down (or bombed) in a Western Country. What a difference it will make in terms of the reactions it will generate! Why aren’t there similar reactions worldwide from the Christians? What would MY reaction be to such issues?

I thought of our Lord Jesus Christ as he stood trial before Pilate. False accusations were made against him. The crowds laughed and scorned. But He did not speak a word to defend Himself. Instead, He chose the way of the cross… to suffer in silence. He saw no need to defend Himself, and He does not need us to defend His name for Him. This is the paradox of Christianity. We have been called to stand up for justice in the world. Yet we have also been called to follow Him in our suffering… to suffer in silence… to pray for those who persecute us… and to forgive those who’ve done wrong against us. Our God will vindicate us when the time comes. For now, we will continue to remain silent. To reconcile these seeming opposites (standing up for justice vs. suffering in silence) in our daily lives will be a tough struggle.

Wisdom from Eastern Christianity

2006-02-06T12:51:00.000+08:00

[In our modern day thinking,] every act, every person, is judged on the basis of their utility and contribution to the whole. Based on our spiritual tradition I prefer to see human beings first and foremost in terms of who they are and only after that in terms of their contribution to society. Otherwise we run the risk of turning people into machines that produce useful things. I am afraid that with this orientation, contemporary humanity has undermined the inherent value of the human person. Today we value ourselves in terms of how much we contribute rather than in terms of who we are. ~ Father Maximos

The way to know God is neither through philosophy nor through experimental science but through systematic methods of spiritual practice that could open us up to the grace of the Holy Spirit. Only then can we have a taste of the Divine, a firsthand, experiential knowledge of the Creator. Otherwise, we remain stuck on the level of mere beliefs and ideologies. ~ Father Maximos

2006-01-26T18:28:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year is just around the corner... and I'll be on my way home to Penang in a while's time (after a night's stay in Ipoh)... so... here's wishing all my Chinese friends:

Have a blessed and wonderful New Year ahead!

Of Ferdinand, Fraser's and Friendships

2006-01-24T14:42:00.000+08:00

Ferdinand scores a header in the last minute to give Manchester United victory in the match against Liverpool at Old Trafford! What a way to end the weekend that was!

It all began on Friday with a long drive from Ampang Point to Eric’s house in Bentong. After planning this trip for quite awhile, I’m glad it finally came to pass. The next morning, we drove to Fraser’s Hill for a night’s stay at the Silverpark Resort. Fraser’s Hill is a quiet little place, away from the hectic city life. So we ate, walked around, ate some more, took photos, watched some video clips on my laptop in the comfort of the apartment room, ate, played ‘Betrayal at the House on the Hill’ (while eating), slept, and ate again… before driving back home on Sunday. I really enjoyed lazing around without having to think of other things. It’s been a very difficult month for me.

Most of all, I enjoyed the companionship of some of my closest friends. It was after we separated, with Nick going home to Penang, Jason traveling back to Malacca, and the rest of us to different parts of the Klang Valley, that I realized just how much I’ve missed those friendships! Squeezing together in a 2-bedroom apartment brought back memories… of CF camps, retreats, and the fun we had as students when we used to stay together with a large group of friends. There would be so much to do, so much laughter and fun, and long chats into the night. I really miss those times. But I guess life is different now. We have all moved on from there. We spend most of our time at home alone doing our own things. Either that or we’ll just be too busy (or tired) to find any time for our friends. When I went home, I could feel that hollow, empty feeling… I guess we call it ‘the blues’… I got quite depressed for awhile. And the thought just came to me – all three of my closest guy friends have gone back to work in Penang! I wonder if this lack of very close ‘male’ friends here have been one of the reasons for this bout of depression I’ve been having for the last month. I think I’ve learnt to appreciate these friendships very much.

Well, that last-gasp victory over arch-rivals Liverpool gave me a little reprieve… and lifted my spirits for awhile before I went to bed.

Week of Prayer for Christian Unity

2006-01-18T18:02:00.000+08:00

I was reading an article on Wikipedia when I stumbled upon this link. Today's the first day of the 'Week of Prayer for Christian Unity'! I never knew there was such a thing! So let us all join our hearts in prayer... to imitate Jesus in His longest recorded prayer... and pray that we will all be one, just as Jesus and His Father are One!

From Wheaton to Rome?

2006-01-16T16:05:00.000+08:00

I’ve just been reading Scott McKnight’s article, ‘From Wheaton to Rome’, about why Evangelicals convert to Roman Catholicism. He states four reasons why he thinks some of these Christians, which includes big-names like Scott Hahn, Thomas Howard, John Michael Talbot, G. K. Chesterton, John Henry Newman and Dorothy Day, decide to switch – certainty, history, unity and authority.

I was so surprised to discover that some of the experiences of these ‘converts’ actually resonated deeply within me that I wondered if my journey as a Christian will bring me down the same road. And I’m still wondering…

In the last year or so, I’ve learned to appreciate the complex history of Christianity. The more I learn, the more I find myself wanting to connect with that long procession through time… not just the last 500 years! Reading people like Henri Nouwen, Thomas Merton and Vincent Donovan has left me in awe of their spirituality, wisdom and love for God. From a person who in secondary school used to think of Roman Catholicism as a pagan religion, and the Pope as an anti-Christ figure, I’ve turned into someone who can appreciate the Roman Catholic faith for all its beliefs, traditions and sacraments. More than that, I’ve become someone who regularly turns to Roman Catholics for insight and wisdom, amassed from over 2000 years of learning what it means to follow the Christ. We Evangelical Protestants are just beginning to realize how much we can learn from our Roman Catholic brothers and sisters. In that sense, the Emergent Network has been influential in my journey, by showing me what it means to appreciate other Christians who may disagree with me, and showing me how much we can learn from the past.

Add to all that my disillusionment with lynchpin Protestant ideas, particularly ‘Sola Scriptura’, I just wonder…

For now though, I can’t see myself becoming a full-fledge, professing Roman Catholic. There are still issues and ideas that I might not be able to accept (e.g. no contraceptives!). But I guess it just shows that no Christian denomination is perfect. We do need to learn from one another, each group offering what another may be lacking.

New Zealand from the air

2006-01-13T10:23:00.000+08:00

Milford Sound 3

2006-01-09T11:32:00.000+08:00

Toitu he kainga: whatungarongaro he tangata... which in Maori means... 'long after people have disappeared, the land will remain...'

Milford Sound was definitely my favourite place out of all the places we visited in New Zealand. The mountain peaks, rainforests, waterfalls and gray mist combine to create a hauntingly beautiful landscape deep in New Zealand's South.

The rain had started to fall once again, but we stayed up on deck to spend the last few moments admiring the landscape

What a way to end an unforgettable cruise! A small pod of dusky dolphins playing just in front of the boat... I had been hoping hard that I would be able to see these graceful creatures on the trip, though they are not often sighted here at the sounds. My favourite animal, and they've come to see me!

Milford Sound 2

2006-01-09T11:15:00.000+08:00

More waterfalls...

The sounds, also called fiords, were carved by glaciers in ages past

They now form inlets on the southwestern coast of New Zealand.

A small group of sea lions taking a break

Milford Sound 1

2006-01-09T10:53:00.000+08:00

Ready for a cruise at Milford Sound

One of the many waterfalls after the rain...

Still cloudy and moody...

The Milford Road 2

2006-01-04T17:24:00.000+08:00

In the woods...

Interesting rock formations carved by water

Skull Island... or Jurassic Park?

The Milford Road 1

2006-01-04T14:53:00.000+08:00

The Milford Road leads from Te Anau to Milford Sound, which was where we were heading to, and it winds through Fiordland National Park. On the journey, we encountered some of the most spectacular landscapes I had ever seen.

Fast-flowing rapids fed by the constant rain and melting glaciers wind their way through the green valleys

The stream carves a tunnel through the layer of ice, remnants of an avalanche.

On both sides of the road, hundreds of waterfalls cascade down sharp cliffs into the valley

Water from the heavens...

The low clouds and mist add a mystical and mysterious ambience to the landscape

Te Anau

2006-01-03T13:39:00.000+08:00

Cool and calm on a cloudy morning

Glimpses of Penang in New Zealand...

Queenstown

2006-01-03T12:42:00.000+08:00

Jetboating...

Up the Kawarau river

Queenstown from above...

and below...

Wanaka

2005-12-30T09:40:00.000+08:00

On the shores of Lake Wanaka...

This photograph sits beautifully on my desktop... the mountains and clouds are reflected off the surface of the lake, and you can actually see through the crystal clear water to the ground underneath. The branches of the tree are wavy and rough, creating a stark contrast to the smooth water surface.

Same tree

High Country Salmon

2005-12-29T10:39:00.000+08:00

We dropped by to purchase some salmon for dinner... not bad... only NZ 25 dollars for one whole fish

From this...

To this...

Lake Pukaki

2005-12-29T09:23:00.000+08:00

There's something about the rocks at Lake Tekapo and Lake Pukaki that give them an out of this world turqoise hue...

They say it's the fine silt from these gray rocks mixing with the water...

Blue skies, blue lake...

Lake Tekapo

2005-12-28T11:51:00.000+08:00

At 2300 feet above sea level, lake Tekapo is formed by glacial melted water

Surrounded by the Southern Alps on all sides

Bronze sheepdog statue in memory of James Mackenzie, who discovered the pass leading to Lake Tekapo and the interiors of the South Island

Church with a view - looking out from the very small Church of the Good Shepherd

Crossing the Canterbury Plains...

2005-12-28T10:15:00.000+08:00

The field shines with the light of cut corn
and quite far off
a solitary pine needles a solitary cloud
where nothing vexes the sky
that's clear to the mountains and beyond.

When the sun shines
even autumn's haughty out here
where a leaf might be blown a hundred miles
and end up somewhere much the same.

That's plains, they
make you bound to live
within the bounds of where you are;
no next valley to explore,no nearby hills to scale
looking for a hint of promised land.

We may travel to the ends of the earth
and back again
and never know whether
the beetle hunched between stalks
feels sorrow, or if distant clouds
quivering with white light
drift forever.

~ Brian Turner, Crossing the Canterbury Plains

Inland Scenic Route 72

2005-12-27T12:30:00.000+08:00

A little garden at Farmer's Corner

Sheep dotting the landscape

Farmlands in Canterbury on a cloudy day... the hilltops are mostly covered

Clouds part to reveal blue skies...

Hagley's Park, Christchurch

2005-12-23T16:06:00.000+08:00

These men look cool... and my Dad's the coolest!

They don't call Christchurch 'the Garden City' for nothing!

Fit for a calendar...

Christchurch Cathedral

2005-12-23T15:15:00.000+08:00

The Christchurch Cathedral, with its gray, Gothic architecture, towering high above Cathedral Square

The impressive altar

Stained glass and mosaics

The cross and the Jewish lampstand, reminders of a common heritage

Christchurch - the Garden City

2005-12-23T12:56:00.000+08:00

Clearwater Golf Sanctuary

Christchurch Botanical Gardens

Cathedral Square - Chess anyone?

Somebody get that bird off my head!!

There and Back Again...

2005-12-22T11:44:00.000+08:00

I’m back! After spending 8 days in New Zealand for a long vacation, I feel… tired. I don’t want to come back! I want to stay there forever! Looking at my inbox, I want to run away… away from it all. But then… this is life, isn’t it? Work. Ministry. I am beginning to see the many threads that I’ve left hanging before I went. So many things I need to do. But at least I managed to get them off my mind for awhile.

I’ve been really concerned about kidney stones before I went. Guess what… no pain at all throughout the eight days. God is indeed wonderful! No doubt it was a very selfish prayer… to ask God for no pain so that I can enjoy myself over there… but for some reason He chose to answer that selfish prayer. TRUST – that was the word I got from God the few weeks before we left for NZ. Not just in terms of my own health, but also in ministry and every other area of my life. Thank You! I’m speechless! Most of all, thank You for the wonderful time spent together with Mom and Dad… and of course, Agnes... the trip wouldn’t have been the same without them.

We enjoyed scenic New Zealand. And I do feel like running away from some of the things here. For a nature lover like me, New Zealand was paradise. No doubt I would love to go back there one day… but there is something familiar about this place… the rude people, the hot weather, the damaged public property, the traffic jams, the litter everywhere and the stink… yes… this is HOME… and I’m glad to be back! Not to mention the great food! And great friends as well!

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains of the moon.

Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.

~ Bilbo Baggins, from the Hobbit

Just a Novice...

2005-12-08T10:43:00.000+08:00

Light of the world, You stepped down into darkness
Open my eyes, let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You’re my God
You’re altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days, O so highly exalted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly You came to the earth you created
All for love’s sake became poor

After the past few days… maybe even weeks… this song that we sang at CF became filled with meaning for me. I dedicated this wonderful song to our God of wonders then. And I sang my heart out, despite the sore throat. I still dedicate this song to Him now. I am seeking… for His divine embrace. I sorely and badly miss Him. Maybe I’ve been too messed up. Here I am, returning as the prodigal son. It’s not over yet. There’s still a long way to go… long, long way to go.

I’m tired after the one day trip to the paddy fields. It’s mostly due to me not feeling well lately. Tomorrow we will begin our Bible study/discussion group for the new Christians and not yet Christians. This is quite a new thing for me. It’s exciting but scary at the same time. The groups has about 3 very young Christians (possibly less than a year), and 2 who are not Christians but are curious to find out more. It’s a great opportunity, but the responsibility is immense. There are a few more things to sort out. I need to be aware of certain temptations, like thinking that I can explain and defend Jesus more than the Gospels can. I should just let Jesus defend Himself. I’m sure He is more than up to it. It all comes down to the same thing again… learning to trust the sovereign God… and in this, I am still just a novice…

Joshua 5 & 6: A New Beginning!

2005-11-29T10:22:00.000+08:00

It must have been painful, especially when there was no such thing as anesthesia back then… Ouch! But the Jews did it… as God commanded them to. They circumcised themselves. With the exception of Joshua and Caleb, the older generation of Israelites had died in the wilderness. This was a new generation. And they had not been circumcised till now. YHWH was now giving them a chance to renew that covenant. It would serve as an outward sign that they agreed with God’s terms and conditions of the covenant. It became a symbol of being set apart for God, a promise that they would live like God’s people. And this was demonstrated in their unwavering obedience to God leading up to the conquest of Jericho as they marched round and round the city.

While the people were renewing their covenant promises, God was already beginning to fulfill His. As they celebrated the Passover, in remembrance of their salvation from Egypt, God finally rolled away the reproach of Egypt from them. No more slaves… no more homeless wanderers in the desert. The past is gone… the new is coming… For the first time in 40 years, they were eating of the produce of the land instead of manna. Oh what joy it must have been for the Israelites! The excitement and anticipation for what was to come… a new beginning! It’s all very close now…

The Israelites dared to make a promise to God through circumcision, the mark of the covenant. And the occasion was to be part of a new beginning in their relationship with YHWH. What about us? Have we stopped making promises to God? Do we need to renew some of the promises we’ve made?

Joshua 3 & 4: O God Our Help in Ages Past!

2005-11-23T12:22:00.000+08:00

As the Israelites move across the Jordan River into the Promised Land, it got me wondering why God chose to do all that He did. Why did He have to dry up the river? Why did the Israelites need to cross on dry ground? Couldn’t they wait till the dry season when the river would be shallow? They’ve been waiting for 40 years anyway… what are another few months to them? Why did God command the Israelites to set up stones taken from the riverbed to build a memorial? Was there a purpose in all this? I believe the answers to the questions are in the text…

Recognition of Joshua’s authority:

God had been repeating it for quite awhile since Joshua took over as the new leader. Now He says it again, “I will exalt you in the eyes of all people so they may know that I will be with you as I was with Moses”. The entire episode served up as a demonstration to the people that Joshua’s position as a leader was authorized by YHWH Himself. And indeed, the people revered him all the days of his life after this. But I also think that God intended it to be a message to Joshua himself. A new leader living under the shadow of another great predecessor needed assurance and affirmation that God would be with him as He was with his predecessor.

Sign of YHWH’s covenant faithfulness:

God tells the Israelites that through this, they would know that He will do as He said when He promised them victory over their enemies. Crossing the Jordan on dry ground became a sign to Israel that YHWH was keeping His side of the covenant. The land was already theirs for the taking, providing they remained faithful. YHWH is faithful!

Memorial for future generations:

The crossing of the Jordan would leave an impact on future generations as well. God just wouldn’t allow them to forget. He had a message to the future Israel… a message from the past. When the Israelites looked at the stones and asked their parents what it meant, they would learn that God caused the Jordan to dry up so that their ancestors could cross on dry land. And they will know who their God is. They will know how powerful the hand of their God is. They will remember…

Testament to the World:

When the other nations hear of what the Lord has done for Israel, they will melt with fear and trembling. They will know that YHWH is the Lord of the whole earth. YHYH is sending a message that will reverberate across the land. He is the sovereign and almighty God.

When I think about my own life, I see many Jordan experiences. I see God’s hand in them. The big question now is this: What will I do with these experiences? Will I let them be reminders that God will be with me as He was with Moses and Joshua? Will I let them be reminders of God’s faithfulness, just as He was faithful to Israel? Will I let them be lessons to my children and the future generations, so that they may remember the God of their forefathers and worship Him? Will I let these experiences be a testament to the world and my neighbors, so that they may know who my God is? The title I gave to these chapters comes from one of my favorite hymns, which I think was really appropriate. O God our help in ages past, our strength for those to come!

I'm Alice?

2005-11-17T10:29:00.001+08:00

I did this quiz... thanks to Eihcus!

Alice

Which DISNEY character are you most like?

Am I like Alice? No wonder... I find myself drifting into my own fantasy Wonderland quite often... traveling to different worlds in my mind's eye...

Wait a minute! What am I doing!!! I've got my Masters proposal defense in 4 hour's time and I'm not prepared yet!

Joshua 1 & 2: Caught up in the Story!

2005-11-16T18:17:00.000+08:00

Joshua: a leader in transition.
Moses is dead. It’s time for him to step up. God is calling him to do a new thing; time to lead Israel into the Promised Land. But wait… will he be a good leader? Will the people follow him as they followed Moses? The added pressure of being in the shadow of a great predecessor doesn’t help. What lies ahead? Uncertainty… Can he do it? God assures Joshua, “Be strong and courageous! I will be with you as I was with Moses!”

Reubenites, Gadites and the half tribe of Manasseh: sacrificial obedience.
They have been called to arms; to fulfill their duty to their brothers, their nation, and to God. Assist their brothers in the conquest of the land west of the Jordan! But then… they’ve already got their land! Their wives and children will be settling down East of the Jordan. What if they don’t return? Will they see their family again? Is a land destined to be allocated to other tribes worth fighting for? It’s none of their business, isn’t it? Let the other tribes fight for their own land! But the LORD demands obedience… an obedience that is sacrificial… an obedience that is not concerned about personal gain. And this means sacrificing for the sake of others even if the gain is not theirs. It IS their business!

The Unnamed Spies: doing God’s work in secret
No one knows their names. A few generations from now, no one will even remember them. No one will remember that they put themselves in grave danger by entering enemy territory. They could have been killed. No glamour. No hero status. Nevertheless, they obeyed. They did it for the LORD, for their new leader, and for their nation. Let their service to the LORD be in secret… they needed no recognition from any man...

Rahab: help from the outside
In no way did she belong to that group of foreigners who are now threatening invasion. Help her enemies destroy her beloved city? Protect their spies? Why did she even bother? Fear for her own life? Fear for her family members? Or did she recognize something different and awesome about this God of Israel… so much that she referred to Him as ‘the LORD’? What if the King found out? It didn’t matter anymore… her last, desperate attempt at salvation. Who would have thought that she would be saved? Who would have thought, that through this harlot, the royal bloodline would be established? Who could imagine that through her lineage would come one who would be known as the Savior of the world?

The King of Jericho: getting in the way
His duty is to defend his city. Is there any hope left? Can they defeat the Israelites, the most feared army known to man? He did what he thought was best… for his people. How was he to know that he would be getting in the way of God’s story for the world? He had no idea at all…

For some reason, God chooses to involve people in His story of creation and redemption of the world. These people got caught up in God’s story, whether they realized it or not! They all had their roles to play. We’re all caught up in the same story too! What are our roles in this story?

I can’t help but feel like I’m the King of Jericho… getting in the way of God’s plans at my workplace. I don’t love my colleagues enough. I don’t care for them enough… sigh… In another area of my life, I hear God demanding sacrificial obedience, just like the Eastern tribes. “Not my ministry! It’s none of my business! I’ve got other things to do!” I said. “It IS your business. I want you to help.” I can hear Him say. In another ministry, I feel like Joshua… still in transition… even after 10 months. Still uncertain… still unsure…

Some Issues

2005-11-15T17:18:00.000+08:00

I was reading this article on the Star today and pondered about the statements made by our Malaysian Christian leaders. Here are some excerpts:

National Evangelical Christian Fellowship secretary-general Rev Dr Wong Kim Kong said it does not approve marriages of the same sex even after one partner has changed his or her sex. “It’s clearly stated in the Bible. There is no such thing as creation of half-half. Therefore, biologically and genetically, there is only male and female,” he told Bernama. “Therefore, there is no chance it (the marriage) will be condoned by the Christian church. As a religious group, we have to follow the religion based on the Bible.”

This really sounded to me like what one of those American Fundamentalist Christians would say. Is it really that ‘clearly stated in the Bible?’ Not to say I’m encouraging homosexuality and sex change etc (and I’m not saying that they are right either), but… ok… maybe it IS ‘clearly stated in the Bible’… it is clearly stated in the Bible that women should be silent in churches and should not have short hair too. It is clearly stated in the Bible that pork should not be eaten. Is it really clear how these verses should be interpreted? ‘Biologically and genetically, there is only male and female’… what about those born without sexual organs… or with a mixture of both? What if future scientific research shows that some males are born genetically with female tendencies and vice versa? What will the Christians say then? If there are people born without hands and feet; without sight or hearing; what makes us think that it is impossible for people to be born ‘half-half’? Should we make such unfounded statements on issues that we have not yet even begun to understand?

Council of Churches of Malaysia secretary-general Dr Herman Shastri said that while churches do not encourage the practice of sex change, churches had their own approach in recognising such marriages. However, he said the church should not discriminate against a person if he or she has proof of being born with imbalance hormones; was undergoing counseling; that his or her parents do not object to the sex change; and the operation was carried out in a proper medical institution.

I think this response is more reasonable. But after thinking for awhile, I realized: what gives me the right to judge these responses? Would I have been able to offer a better answer? NO!

In Kuching, Chung's adopted brother Brian Choot, who coordinated the wedding, said the couple was prepared to migrate if the situation did not permit them to live as husband and wife.

It’s sad that these people have to resort to such measures. Would Jesus have allowed them to be treated as outcasts of society?

While visiting some of the sites linked from Sivin Kit’s Garden, I read this article and its response. It’s sad… that one can talk this way about another person’s death. Who does he think he is?

Meanwhile, Pat Robertson is at it again…

Conservative Christian television evangelist Pat Robertson has warned citizens of a Pennsylvania town of God's wrath after they voted a school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design". Robertson, a former Republican presidential candidate and founder of the influential conservative Christian Broadcasting Network and Christian Coalition, has a long record of similar apocalyptic warnings and provocative statements. "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city," Robertson said on his TV show broadcast from Virginia, The 700 Club. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. If that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there."

Jesus taught us to love our enemies… but who would have thought that our greatest enemies… those that we may find the most difficult to love… can turn out to be fellow Christians?

Vincent Donovan on Missions, Culture and Evangelization

2005-11-15T09:56:00.000+08:00

Some excerpts from Vincent Donovan's book 'Christianity Rediscovered'... just some thoughts to ponder upon...

It is surely here in the midst of the cultures of the world, and not in the church, that the ordinary way of salvation must lie, the ordinary means of salvation, the very possibility of salvation for most of the human race. Or else it is a very strange God we have. The gospel must be brought to the nations in which already resides the possibility of salvation. I had to realize that God enables a people, any people, to reach salvation through their culture and tribal, racial customs and traditions.

Now it is the turn of the European-Americans to be passed over. Before this century is out, the members of the predominantly non-white third world, for the first time in history, will begin to become the majority in the Christian church. As the message passes from us to them, I find myself hoping that they will make better use of it than we did.

Another assumption on which missionary work was built was this: we had to convince the world of sin, instead of leaving that task to the Holy Spirit, as Christ suggested.

Mission has never been a one way street. It has always been a dialogue, and every word of importance and value in that dialogue has not always been spoken by the sending church to the mission land. Sometimes it has been quite the reverse.

On the Masai church: The only church they had ever seen; The only church they knew, was a church perpetually on the move, a mobile church, a nomadic church, a church never perfect, never reaching the end, never having all the answers, never coming to rest – a church on safari. For them it would always have to be a pilgrim church.

Never accept and be content with unanalyzed assumptions, assumptions about the work, about people, about the church or Christianity. Never be afraid to ask questions about the work we have inherited or the work we are doing; the day we are completely satisfied with what we have been doing; the day we have found the perfect, unchangeable system of work, the perfect answer, never in need of being corrected again, on that day we will know that we are wrong, that we have made the greatest mistake of all.

The goal of evangelization, and the basis for its urgency, is to put all things under the dominion of Christ. The fulfillment of the human race, the destiny of the human race, of all creation, is what is at stake. Personal salvation is a secondary question. The recapitulation of all things in Christ is what is in store for the human race. God intends to bring the earth and the human race to the fulfillment of the kingdom, planned from the beginning of creation and with the recapitulation of all things, all men, all nations, all the earth, in the man Jesus, in the Word made flesh, at the end. The nations and cultures of the world, with all the riches they imply and possess, are not destined merely for salvation – to be saved and conserved. They are called to be lifted up and fulfilled and transformed in Jesus Christ. Not to bring salvation and goodness and holiness and grace and God, which were there before we got there. But to bring these people the only thing they did not have before we came – hope – a hope embedded in the meaning of the life and death and resurrection of Christ.

Support Our Local Authors!

2005-11-10T15:09:00.000+08:00

Can Malaysians write? Are there any good, local Christian authors out there? 2 books that I purchased at MPH recently say ‘Yes’! Most of my experiences in local Christian literature have mainly come from SU publications and Kairos magazines. I have yet to read any of Rev. Hwa Yung’s or Tan Soo Inn’s books though. But when I picked up these 2 books (also by Kairos publications), I was impressed!

‘Poems by the Wayside’ is a collection of poems by four modern Malaysian poets. It’s difficult to appreciate some of the contemporary poetical structures, but these people really are talented. Some of the poems, with their distinctive local flavor of bamboo shoots, monsoon rains, and Malacca town, transport the reader back in time to meet some childhood recollections. It’s got quality paper and printing too! Not to mention the nice rustic cover design.

On the other hand, ‘Can Two Walk Together’, an autobiography by Tony and Teresa Lim, impressed me with its wit and humor. The book gives a very transparent picture of various issues that Christians in Malaysia come face to face with, while revealing some of the cute moments the couple have together. I haven’t finished it yet, but the first chapter was enough to make me want to continue reading. I highly recommend this one! Agnes liked it so much she bought two more copies for her friends! And the great thing about these local books: they’re cheap (compared to those other cutthroat priced imported Christian books)! And, of course, they’re much more relevant to us Malaysians!

Joshua: The Journey So Far

2005-11-09T14:02:00.000+08:00

Our journey through the book of Joshua begins! I’ve been really excited about studying this book together. We did an overview as we glanced through the entire book chapter by chapter while pointing out a few themes in it. The whole book rests on God’s covenant with the Israelites, beginning with Abraham and then Moses through the Law. Everything the book talks about; the land, the victories, the blessings; all go back to God’s faithfulness and the faithfulness of the Israelites to the covenant. We talked about the journey of the Israelites so far. They’ve gone through a lot; from Abraham to Jacob; from slavery to exodus to wandering in the desert. Now they will be entering the Promised Land. But their journey is far from over. Many challenges lie ahead. The stage is set for another phase in their journey home. It gave us a platform to reflect about our own lives and our own journeys so far. We’ve had very long journeys… 24 years for me. There have been ups and downs, hikes and slides, twists and turns. And now I’m here. God has been faithful. What about me? This journey is far from over. I wonder what’s up ahead. I wonder how long more… before I arrive home… my real home… our Promised Land…

Christianity Rediscovered

2005-10-28T10:08:00.000+08:00

In [evangelizing], do not try to call them back to where they were, and do not try to call them to where you are, as beautiful as that place might seem to you. You must have the courage to go with them to a place that neither you nor they have ever been before – a beautiful description of the unpredictable process of evangelization, a process leading to that new place where none of us has ever been before. When the gospel reaches a people where they are, their response to that gospel is the church in a new place, and the song they will sing is that new, unsung song, that unwritten melody that haunts all of us. I believe the unwritten melody, the new song waiting to be sung in the place of the hymn of salvation, is simply the song of creation. To move away from the theology of salvation to the theology of creation may be the task of our time. ~ Vincent Donovan, Christianity Rediscovered.

An inward-turned Christianity is a dangerous counterfeit, an alluring masquerade. It is no Christianity at all. The salvation of one’s own soul, or self-sanctification, or self-perfection, or self-fulfillment may well be the goal of Buddhism or Greek philosophy or modern psychology. But it is not the goal of Christianity. For someone to embrace Christianity for the purpose of self-fulfillment or self-salvation is, I think, to betray or to misunderstand Christianity at its deepest level. Christianity must be a force that moves outward, and a Christian community is basically in existence for others. A Christian community which spends all its resources on a building campaign for its own needs has long ago left Christianity high and dry on the banks. ~ Vincent Donovan, Christianity Rediscovered

Nitty-Gritty

2005-10-25T15:56:00.000+08:00

We can be very proud if we understand the right doctrines and have certain opinions. But when we deal with the very nitty-gritty of living the way Jesus taught us, none of us can act very proud. ~ Brian McLaren, in an interview with beliefnet.com

October Rains...

2005-10-20T17:23:00.000+08:00

The rain pours down in unending torrents…

Can’t work…

Staring out into the fields, taking refuge at the silo

Kids are playing, enjoying every single moment in their carefree world

I can hear the birds, singing in the rain

Rain is slowing down… but they never stop

Tears falling down from heaven… mourning the passing of our first lady…

How did a man whose wife was seriously ill manage to lead an entire country? How will he be able to go on? Who will support him? Who will care for him? Who will love him? The country mourns with him. Even the radio stations mourn… instrumental music, singing their soft melodies of peace and comfort to the nation.

And the rains add their magic ambience to the soothing orchestra. Pitter patter…pitter patter…

The winds blow, the paddy leaves dance, the music continues… I wish they played such music everyday. The skies are gray… in every direction, as far as the horizon. They are sad. It’s a sad, sad day.

We decided to join the birds…

Fishing in little puddles…

Under the gray clouds, in the breeze, feeling each drop of heaven’s dew on our faces… not very far away, a prime minister mourns the loss of his beloved wife… and the nation mourns with him…

Through the looking glass… what does a raindrop see?

A world upside down.

The rain stops…

Lying down on a cemented irrigation gate… admiring cloud formations. I can see the sun behind the gray layer of cloud. The breeze continues to blow across the fields. Above me the birds are flying across the sky. A cool, lazy afternoon.

Shoals of fish swim across the road like the Israelites crossing the Red Sea. Big fish… small fish… Why did the fish cross the road?

Back to the car… more music… this time with sounds of running water and ocean waves. The country continues to mourn the loss of one life… one beautiful life. Meanwhile, the world mourns the loss of 50 000 lives in another country not far away. All over the world, people mourn…

The rains fall down again… pitter patter… pitter patter…

What Saint Paul Really Said: Justification by Faith

2005-10-19T14:47:00.000+08:00

What was Saint Paul talking about when he spoke of 'justification by faith'? Most of us think of ‘justification by faith’ as the crux of the gospel according to Paul. It is a system of salvation, in which we are saved from our sins. Because we are all sinners, we need to be made right with God in the sense of moral righteousness. Good works, not even high moral values… nothing we can do can save us from our sins. But we are justified by having faith in Jesus Christ. In this sense, ‘justification by faith’ is an evangelistic message. It is the good news that we tell our non-believing friends: that there is a way in which they can be justified by believing that Jesus died for our sins so that we can be made righteous in the eyes of God. And when we talk about righteousness, we usually understand it to mean that we are morally upright (of no sin) in the eyes of God.

The only problem is that Paul wrote about justification by faith mainly TO THE CHRISTIANS. OK, maybe the early church didn’t really understand all these things, so Paul had to teach them some basic theology. Or, could it be that the message of ‘justification by faith’ was a message particularly to the Christians of Paul’s time, with reverberations for us Christians in the 21st century?

Paul came from a thoroughly Pharisaical Jewish background. And Jews of his time believed that they were the chosen people of God – the covenantal people of God. And the symbol that marked them out from all the other pagan nations was the Law, mainly circumcision. It was their being under the Law that determined if they were God’s people, and if they would be the ones who would be saved when God announces His judgment on the world. When judgment comes, they would be deemed righteous before God. This righteousness comes by the grace of God, through faith, as Paul was quick to note when he spoke of God’s covenant with Abraham. It does not mean that one is ‘sinless’ or morally upright before God, but rather that God bestowed that righteousness upon His people by declaring them righteous on the day of judgment (based on the early Jewish judicial system). So the Jews believed that since they were the people of God, God would deem them righteous on the day of judgment. And the thing that would mark them out presently as belonging to that group of God’s people is of course, circumcision and the Law.

This was the context in which Paul’s doctrine of justification by faith came about. A number of the Jewish Christians during Paul’s time were insisting that their Gentile brothers be circumcised and to come under the Jewish Law. Only then would they be marked out as God’s covenant people. Only then, could they say that they were the people of God whom God will declare righteous on judgment day. But Paul insisted that we are all justified by faith. It is not about becoming a Jew, but rather it is by believing in Jesus. It is those who have faith in Jesus that God marks out as those belonging to Him. It is they who are His people and will be declared righteous on judgment day. It is they whom God will save.

If this is the case, then ‘justification by faith’ is not just an EVANGELISTIC message (if it ever was in the first place). It is an ECUMENICAL message. It does not tell us HOW we can be saved (i.e. not by works, but by faith), but rather, WHO God’s people are. Here we are in the 21st century arguing about who the real Christians are. Is it those who are baptized into a particular denomination or church? Is it those who speak in tongues? Is it those who believe in a particular system of salvation? Is it those who believe in justification by faith alone? Is it those who believe in Sola Scriptura? Is it those who believe in pre-tribulation rapture theory or some other doctrine? Paul’s message of ‘justification by faith’ comes clearly and strongly to us all. Just as it is not a matter of whether one is circumcised or not, neither do all these matter. Who will be marked out as the people of YHWH? Who will be the real covenantal people of God, chosen and blessed so that they can be a blessing to the world? All who believe in Jesus. All who, by faith, pledge allegiance to the Lord Jesus Christ. Be it Jew, Gentile, Catholic, Orthodox, Protestant, Charismatic, Anabaptist… all are justified and marked out as God’s people.

Unlike the mistake that the Jews made when they thought that they would be saved and blessed to the exclusion of everyone else, we need to be aware that as the people of God, we were chosen to a blessing to others, just as God chose to bless Abraham so that through him, all the world will be blessed.

So if ‘justification by faith’ is not the crux of the gospel that Paul preached, what was? If ‘justification by faith’ was an ecumenical message to unite the Jewish Christians and Gentile Christians rather than an evangelistic message, what was Paul’s evangelistic gospel? And what did it have to do with the gospel of the Kingdom of God that Jesus preached?

So Close, Yet So Far

2005-10-14T17:58:00.000+08:00

Two of my colleagues will be heading off to New Zealand on Monday. From there, they will make a trip to Antarctica for 10 days. Sigh… each time I think about it, the thought comes… ‘It could have been me’… How many people get to go there in this lifetime anyway? So close, yet so far. I guess it wouldn’t have been so bad if I never had expected it in the first place. I wonder if such opportunities will come knocking again in the future. How long will this project last? My colleagues have been going there every year for the past 3 or 4 years. Well, I can’t do anything about it… maybe just sulk! At least I get to go to the paddy fields! ;P

Whatever it is, I’ll be looking forward to the weekend trip to Penang with my friends. We’re all going to meet Pastor Paul (hopefully), the Iban Pastor from Sarawak! I wonder what’s in store… Can’t wait! What a shame that we’ll be there for less than 48 hours. I do want to spend a little time with my parents too.

This is Getting Really Weird

2005-10-13T14:55:00.000+08:00

This is getting really weird. A few months ago, I was introduced to a blog belonging to theologian and New Testament scholar Scot McKnight called Jesus Creed by Pastor Sivin. I was struggling with some thoughts about Hell then after reading Brian McLaren’s ‘The Last Word and the Word after that’. Scot McKnight was doing a series on Hell based on the same book just about that time. I then began reading about the history of Christian thought and began to work through some of Luther’s and Augustine’s theology of atonement. McKnight then writes about Postmodernity and the Atonement. Sometime in about July, I began to read McLaren’s ‘More Ready than You Realize’, with a chapter about conversion as a process rather than an event. This was when Scot McKnight began writing about conversion too. When I was reading McLaren’s ‘A Generous Orthodoxy’, up comes the discussion on this book on Jesus Creed. I noticed this peculiarity right about then. I wondered if God was providing some sort of support for me from a more theologically knowledgeable person. But more was to come. Just after I went through Stanley Grenz’s ‘Prayer: the Cry for the Kingdom’, and was in the middle of reading about contemplative prayer in Henri Nouwen’s ‘The Way of the Heart’, McKnight begins a series on prayer on his blog. Now I am reading ‘What Saint Paul Really Said’ by N. T. Wright as I work through some of Paul’s theology and what the gospel really means. I was surprised when McKnight began a series on the gospel just a few days ago. And today, he writes about the book that I am currently reading! Again! Weird! Or is it a blatant act of God? I can’t deny that his writings have been a great help to me through those times…

A Few Pictures...

2005-10-12T09:58:00.000+08:00

I particularly like this picture... it's got a rustic, 'kampung' feel to it...

Under the shade of the mango tree...

Maybe we should consider farming someday...

Back with Loads of Work

2005-10-11T18:40:00.000+08:00

I’m back from another trip to the paddy fields. This time I had a really good time! Why? Agnes came along with me! I enjoyed spending the weekend with her and showing her some of the things that I do over there. We even managed to go for a trip to the firefly park.

Now I’m back at the office in MMU with loads of work to do. I really need to finish this journal paper. I really want to graduate as soon as possible! And now I’ve got more classes to teach this week! Sigh… Not to mention the paperwork that still needs to be done due to the car accident more than a week ago.

I’m currently reading N. T. Wright’s ‘What Saint Paul Really Said’. I guess this will be my introduction to the ‘New Perspectives’.

A notable lesson for me from yesterday’s study of Philippians 1 and 2:

Paul didn’t care if people preached the gospel out of envy, rivalry or selfish ambition. What mattered to him was that Jesus was preached. He didn’t have to be the hero! Let others take the credit or whatever, even if their motives are wrong, as long as God’s work is done! And the amazing thing was that God can still used those people for the advancement of the gospel!

A problem verse we came across as a group:

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. ~ Philippians 2:12-13

What did Paul mean by ‘work out your salvation’?

Looking into New Perspectives

2005-10-11T18:39:00.000+08:00

A new way of looking at Jesus would inadvertently lead to a new way of looking at Saint Paul. If the message of Jesus is the message of the Kingdom of God, then what was Paul’s message to the Gentiles? What is Paul referring to when he speaks about salvation? What about justification by faith? What does it mean? So much work has been done in what is called the ‘New Perspectives on Paul’. I wonder what these theologians are saying about him. Will these new perspectives shed light on some Pauline controversies? Will they paint a more complete picture of what the gospel is and what it means to be a Christian? This will be something interesting to explore…

To the Church in Philippi...

2005-10-07T11:13:00.001+08:00

I have always found it difficult to study the epistles in the New Testament. The authors just seem to rant on and on, jumping from one topic to another, then writing about something totally unrelated before coming back to the same issue again. My last experience with 1 John was like that. Sometimes, you just didn’t know what John was arriving at.

But the epistle to the Philippians is an entirely different matter. Maybe it was because 1 John was a general letter and we don’t really know who the recipients actually were. In Philippians, we know enough about the church in Philippi to be able to piece together the puzzle. Through Acts 16, we are able to appreciate the deep friendship between Paul and those in Philippi, and how much suffering Paul went through in the founding of the church. We are also able to observe that Paul was addressing specific issues in the Philippian church. We see in this epistle Paul’s heartfelt sharing of his personal struggles which we rarely find in other epistles. We get to see how Paul really loves this church, and how the church was so concerned about Paul after hearing about his imprisonment. I was really quite amazed about this epistle as I was preparing to lead the Bible study on Monday. Here we have a man who was really concerned about the problems in the church he was ministering to; one reason being that he founded the church himself through literally blood, sweat and tears.

It caused me to wonder about some of the ministries that I am involved in. Do I really do it out of love for my neighbors and friends? Is there a deep bond between us, so that whatever we do will be out of love rather than out of ‘responsibility’ because it is our job? Need to spend some time reflecting on this…

Now I’m looking forward to digging into Paul’s other epistles!

Bali Dua

2005-10-03T17:35:00.000+08:00

I recently bought a CD called ‘Bali Dua’, which boasts of wonderful, ambient Indonesian Gamelan music (and it comes with some incense sticks as well). This is the sequel to Jalan Jalan’s first album entitled ‘Bali’. From the pictures and films that I’ve seen, Bali is indeed a beautiful place, one which I would love to visit one day if I had the opportunity. Its culture and traditional wooden architectures have fascinated me for quite awhile, and the music from this album allows my mind to drift to this mysterious place…

Every time we wake up in the morning with news that another place has been bombed, even as hurricane Katrina and Rita have just left their marks in Southeastern United States, it gets a little bit harder to believe that the world is going to become a better place. The Kingdom of God? Coming? At hand? Chaos reigns. It’s much easier to believe that the world is coming to an end and that God is going to destroy it in judgment soon. Let the world go to Hell with all the evil in it…

So hard… so hard to hope for that which Jesus promised… the Kingdom of God… ‘I am making everything new!’ How long more? But as we sang ‘How Great Thou Art’ and a few other songs at church on Sunday morning, it was a reminder that God is still sovereign. Jesus is still Lord. Our God reigns. It’s hard to believe it in the midst of these circumstances, but I accept it. As we sang of the birds and the trees, the mountains and the stars, it reminded me that the world is still a beautiful place. God said, ‘It is good’. No doubt the world is fallen… but we have to believe that it is still good. And we have to hope that one day, it will be as it was then… as it should be… a world of beauty, justice, peace and love…

For now… we will just have to wait… and pray with the victims of the Bali bombings the prayer of Jesus – ‘Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven’… to grieve in solidarity with them… to weep as Jesus wept when He saw the condition of Jerusalem. I saw an amateur clip on the news that showed the bomb exploding inside a restaurant. People chatting happily on dinner tables… a loud explosion… pitch black… darkness… people running… screams… horrifying, yet sad at the same time. It’s ironic… the second terrorist attack on Bali… Bali Dua indeed…

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ~ Revelation 21:1-4

It is indeed foolish to speak of such things in times like these. Who would believe it? But such prophetic imagination will be the only source of hope for a world in anguish, while its leaders remain numb to the cry of the oppressed and those in mourning. Will the Church carry this counter-cultural, prophetic message to the world?

Lord, we are still waiting… How long O Lord?

Kraken

2005-09-29T17:19:00.000+08:00

The scientific community is buzzing. Finally… after all these years… For decades (maybe even centuries), the search for the elusive ‘Kraken’ has been fruitless. There were the few carcasses washed up onto seashores, some dead ones caught by deep sea fishermen, pieces of leftovers in the stomachs of their only predator, the sperm whale, but no one has ever seen one alive (apart from ancient sailors who claim to have had encounters with these sea monsters). Scientists and researchers have been attempting for years to capture one on film using some of the latest deep sea technology without success. These giants of the deep remain a mystery to science. No one has ever filmed them or photographed them alive in their natural habitat… until now. I read with excitement these articles on CNN and the Discovery Channel website. Everyone is excited about this breakthrough in marine biology. A live giant squid in its natural habitat! Unbelieavable…

I do wonder however, why this news took so long to reach the general public. The film was supposed to have been captured September last year. Oh well, maybe they wanted to confirm it or something…

The Land God Forgot?

2005-09-28T18:15:00.000+08:00

I remember picking up this book to read its introduction more than a week ago. I remember being overwhelmed with emotions when I read passages like these:

A young Hutu woman stood there holding a child in her arms. With wooden face she described how a man with a machine gun had ordered her to kill her neighbor because she was a Tutsi. “I refused,” she said, “but without hesitation the man clubbed the baby on my back to death with his gun. Then he pointed it at my other child and ordered me to kill my neighbor – what else could I do?”

“The killers came and ordered me to kill my wife,” he wrote. “I refused, saying that I loved her. They said that if I didn’t kill her they would kill me and my wife and then our little children would be left as orphans to fend for themselves. My wife told me to kill her so I did. I managed to get away with the children – but I can’t live with what I’ve done.”

Meg Guillebaud tells the story of three generations of missionary witness in Rwanda. From the time of her pioneer grandparents, to the work of her parents under Scripture Union, and now her present work under the Anglican Church, the family has been a witness to amazing revival in the land. But they have also witnessed one of the worst atrocities in recent history when clashes between the Hutu and Tutsi tribes resulted in mass genocides leading to the deaths of about 800, 000 people. It does raise a lot of hard questions for the Christians. How can a country swept by Revival and claiming to have 90% Christian population experience genocide? Why did people go around saying, “It doesn’t matter what we do today – we can repent tomorrow and God will forgive us.” How could people pray all night, then take up a machete in the morning to kill? Why did God allow such things to happen? Meg struggles with these questions in her writings. She even raises questions about what Christian mission should be like, as she ponders about the failure of the individualistic Revival and gospel to address certain social issues. She also wonders if things would have been different if the Church in Rwanda had spoken out against injustice instead of keeping silent in the years leading up to the terrible events. She quotes Gary Haugen, the director of genocide investigations in Rwanda:

As Christians we have learned much about sharing the love of Christ with people all over the world who have never heard the gospel. We have learned how to feed the hungry, heal the sick and shelter the homeless. But there is one thing we haven’t learned to do, even though God’s Word repeatedly calls us to the task. We haven’t learned how to rescue the oppressed. We have forgotten how to be such a witness of Christ’s love, power and justice in the world.

She adds: So often we pay lip service to the God of justice, considering that righting injustice is His business, not ours. Yet he has chosen to work through us. In the same way that people hear the good news of the gospel because people preach it, or the hungry are fed or the sick healed because men and women of compassion go in the name of Christ to feed and heal, so victims of injustice are helped through us. As we step out in faith to do the things we believe God is calling us to do, we will find the way God uses us to fight injustice in the world He loves. Not all have the expertise to fight injustice in the streets, but we can all seek to be informed, we can all pray, we can support those involved in the fight, and where injustice comes to our notice we can bring it to the attention of others.

The Stone is Out!

2005-09-28T15:59:00.000+08:00

Monday was supposed to be the day. The kidney stone had remained in my ureter during my last checkup about a week ago. My kidney was still inflamed. The doctor had given me a last chance – one more week to see if the stone would come out naturally. Otherwise, I would have to either go for blasting or remove it by inserting some sort of tube into my bladder. Ouch! But it was the cost that was the cause of anxiety for me. I had no medical coverage and such procedures would cost at least RM3k.

I had been having some pain near the groin for the past two days every time I went to the toilet. The pain was quite unbearable on Sunday. I couldn’t walk properly each time I came out of the toilet! But on Monday morning, just as I was about to get ready to go and see the doctor, the stone came out! This little thing has been causing me so much anxiety, pain and trouble recently. I thank God so much for this. Thank You! Thank You! And just in time! No surgery! No expensive procedures! I still went for the checkup and told the doctor what happened. He kept saying how good and excellent it was. Yes… it felt great. Thank God so much! Thank you to all those who kept me in your prayers too!

My First EMO Meeting!

2005-09-27T11:44:00.000+08:00

So finally I become a participant… Well, still not really a participant! I was more trying to listen and see what I could learn from it rather than sharing my thoughts and views (not that I had much to say anyway, knowing nothing much about philosophy or postmodernism). I’m a little too shy for that! Plus, having all those pastors and seminary students around were quite intimidating for a first timer layman like me! But it was good to finally meet up with some of those bloggers in person! I also learned a few things about modernity and post-modernity, especially on their respective histories and contexts in which they came about.

One thing that really struck me was how the discussion would always be dragged back into our own context and practice as Christians here in Malaysia. Someone would always remind the group, “How do we apply that here?” or “How will that affect us?” I think this is a good way to go about these discussions, because they are always in danger of becoming detached from Christian praxis, or from our own Malaysian context (both of which I have been guilty of countless times in some of the discussions that I’ve been in!). It’s good to see Pastor Sivin and Emergent Malaysia moving towards that direction. I'm looking forward to the discussion on post-colonialism.

The Challenge of Jesus: A New Paradigm?

2005-09-23T18:06:00.000+08:00

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. He created mankind. And He saw that it was good. But something happened. Man chose to disobey God. Instead of becoming good stewards, we turned against God, turned against each other. So God chose Israel so that through it, the world would be redeemed. They would be an example of what it means to be the people of God. But time and again, Israel failed to be the light of the world that was its call. Because of the sins of Israel, God punished them by allowing them to be taken into exile. From then on the Jews have looked forward to the day when they would return from exile. They looked forward to the day when their identity as the people of God would be restored, with their own king, as in the days of old when David ruled over them, not some foreign ruler of a pagan nation; when the glory of God would return to the Temple and Jerusalem to dwell there forever; when God will vindicate Israel and judge the whole earth. They waited and waited, but even after they returned from exile physically, most of the Jews still felt that the exile had not ended. They were still under foreign rule. God’s glory has yet to return to Zion. So they continued to wait, as one ‘messiah’ after another turned up to fight against the Greeks and Romans only to die and be deemed failures.

Jesus then comes into the story, as a prophet proclaiming the Kingdom of God. This is the good news - that the exile is at its end, not just for Israel, but for the whole world, ever since Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden. The Kingdom of God will come, not just in Jerusalem, but on the whole Earth as it is in Heaven, and it is already at hand. God’s justice and sovereignty will rule over the Earth. God will finally put the world to right after all the evil that has occured. Jesus not only announced the Kingdom of God, but accomplished it, not through the Herodian way of compromise; not through the violent way of the Zealots, nor the sectarian way of the Essenes. The way of Jesus was the way of the suffering servant, the way of sacrificial love. Through His death and resurrection, God would make all things new. The resurrection of Jesus marked the beginning of new creation. He is the messiah, the Son of God! His twelve disciples would be the new Israel, the people of God.

The Church is on a mission, not to tell others about how to get to Heaven, but to tell them how Heaven will come to Earth. The Church, is called to proclaim the good news of the Lordship of Jesus Christ and of the Kingdom of God. Not only that, but as the people of God empowered by the Holy Spirit, the Church has been called to be participants together with God in implementing the Kingdom of God right here on Earth by following in the way of Jesus – the way of servanthood, love, sacrifice, not through conquering crusades. We are to be used by God for good works by which His will is done on earth in every area and discipline (social action, arts, politics, engineering, economics, environmental conservation etc) until the day when His Kingdom fully comes in the creation of the new Heaven and Earth, when all creation will be saved, not just individual souls. And one day, we will be raised to life again as Jesus was raised to life, with new bodies, to spend eternity with God and others as well in the new Heaven and Earth.

Could this be a new way of looking at Jesus and the Church?

If you are to shape your world in following Christ it isn’t enough to say that being a professional or an academic is about high moral standards, using every opportunity to talk to people about Jesus, praying for or with your students, being fair in your marking and assessment, and honest in your speaking. You are called, prayerfully, to discern where in your discipline the human project is showing signs of exile, and humbly and boldly to act symbolically in ways which declare that the powers have been defeated, that the Kingdom has come in Jesus, that the new way of being human has been unveiled; and to be prepared to tell the story which explains what these symbols are all about. When Paul spoke of the gospel he wasn’t talking primarily about a system of salvation, but about the announcement, in symbol and word, that Jesus is the true Lord of the world, the true light of the world. ~ N. T. Wright, The Challenge of Jesus

The Challenge of Jesus: The Traditional Evangelical Paradigm

2005-09-23T17:46:00.000+08:00

The world is a fallen place. Satan is the ruler of this world. Because of Adam’s sin, all of us are born sinners, destined for a place called Hell in the afterlife – the second death. But the good news is that there is a way out. God has provided that way, by sending His Son to die on our behalf. That was why Jesus came – to die for our sins. He took our place on the cross. Good works cannot save us. We are only saved by God’s amazing grace, through faith. Salvation comes when we personally acknowledge that we are sinners, repent of our sins, and accept Jesus as our Savior and Lord of our lives. It is a personal commitment and decision. Once we’ve done that, we are assured of an eternity with God in Heaven. But that is not all. Once we’ve accepted Christ, we become part of the Church of God. We need the church to encourage one another and build each other up in the faith. But we also have a mission. God wants as many souls to be saved as possible, so we need to share this good news with our friends. We need to make full use of our time here on earth to save as many souls as possible before Jesus comes again. The world will turn to chaos. God will destroy it along with all the evil in it during the end times.

It sounds very much like what most Christians here in Malaysia believe. Is there anything wrong here? There are a few problems with this way of looking at things.

If this is the good news, then Jesus either never or very seldom preached it. The gospels contain accounts of Jesus going around to preach the good news. But nowhere do they record Jesus preaching this version of the gospel. If this is meant to be the message that we are to proclaim as Christians, the crux of our faith, why didn’t the gospel writers give more attention to it?

It gives us the license to become irresponsible stewards. If the world is full of evil, and everything in it is only temporary; if we’re all going to Heaven after we die; then there is no need for us to care about what happens to earth. We can exploit nature and do what we want with it. We can forget about everything on earth except the souls we are supposed to save. It’s all going down the drain anyway, so let’s grab as many souls as we can.

It encourages dichotomies in the Christian life. It’s all about saving souls. The soul and everything ‘spiritual’ matters. The physical and social are not as important. Hence, sharing the gospel with someone to save his soul is more important than helping the sick and poor. Attending to the spiritual needs of another person becomes more important than attending to his physical needs. Engineering, information technology and most other disciplines have no value in themselves. The only reason we get involved in such fields is so that we can be testimonies for God in the workplace. The only reason we get involved in social work is so that the people we help will eventually accept Christ through our actions.

The only reason for good character and good works is so that we can be good testimonies to attract others into the faith. We are placed and called into the marketplaces and workplaces so that we can be a light by holding onto high moral principles, loving others and caring for others. The main reason for this is so that others will be touched and will want to become Christians too. Thus, more people can be saved.

Very often, the good news becomes more like bad news. When people we have come to love and care about do not accept Jesus as their personal Savior, we assume that they have rejected God’s offer of salvation. We then assume that she is not saved and will end up in Hell.

Is this what following Christ is all about?

The Challenge of Jesus: Asking the Questions

2005-09-22T18:49:00.000+08:00

More and more in recent months, I’ve been challenged to ask questions about my beliefs and convictions. They are not questions demanding an evidence for our faith as Christians. They are not questions that insist on a rational explanation for what we hold on to so that I can package them up into neat little boxes. They are, however, questions that challenge the core (or at least what I’ve always thought to be the core) of my beliefs. These are simple questions. Many Christians would consider them very basic, answerable by any Sunday school kid. But when given a little more thought, they can turn out to be very difficult to answer. Whatever it is, they are very important questions, because they will affect my worldviews. They will determine how I think, as well as what I say and do.

What was Jesus’ mission? What was this gospel of the Kingdom of God that Jesus went around preaching? What was Jesus aiming to do in His years of ministry? Why did Jesus die? What did Jesus know about His own mission and his relation to God the Father? Did Jesus know or believe that He was God? What does the resurrection of Jesus mean? What is the Church? What was the original purpose and role of the Church? How do we define a Christian? What does it mean to be a Christian? What is our mission as a Christian and as the Church? What is the message of the good news that we have been called to proclaim? How are we to live as Christians?

I think N. T Wright has produced a marvelous book quite accessible to laypersons like me in which he attempts to answer many of these questions, not solely from a traditional evangelical perspective, but from a historical one as well. How would have the first-century Jews understood Jesus’ message and actions? How does Israel in the Old Testament, Jesus and the Church come together to form the big picture of God’s overarching story? How do we interpret Paul’s epistles in light of the gospels instead of interpreting the gospels through the lenses of Paul as we’ve been doing? Many of Wright’s ideas are somewhat unique. They are quite fresh. But one of the dangers is to assume that I can come out with the answers myself, apart from the community of Christians (past, present and future) and the Spirit of God. These are questions that have been raised again and again in the Church as different generations of Christians have been challenged to discover what it means to follow Christ in their particular cultural and historical context. So I guess getting involved in some of the ongoing conversations would be good... I'm planning to go for the upcoming Emergent Malaysia open meeting this weekend to participate in one of such conversations!

Celebrating the Signposts in Our Lives

2005-09-20T14:19:00.000+08:00

Looking at the book of Esther and the story of how the Jews were spared from total annihilation, it is not difficult to see God working in and around the circumstances surrounding their great escape, even though ‘God’ is not explicitly mentioned throughout. When we see how the characters were at the right place at the right time (or wrong place at the wrong time for Haman), and how Esther just seemed to always gain favor from the people around her, God’s works just become incredibly obvious. They are the visible works of an invisible God. No doubt when we look back at our own lives, we do notice God in the experiences that we’ve been through, the circumstances and the people we meet. O how wonderful God has been! In His wisdom and sovereignty, He has given meaning to those countless moments in the past. They have shaped me to be who I am today.

But one thing that caught my attention was how the Jews celebrated the occasion of their salvation from the hands of their enemies. They began to set apart that day as a day of feasting, not only once, but each and every year, passing it down from generation to generation. They wanted to remember God for what He had done for them when He turned situations around. Not only that, they wanted their descendents to remember as well. The Jewish calendar is filled with various kinds of feasts and celebrations, all of them in remembrance of the faithfulness of YHWH. We Christians celebrate the birth of Christ as well as His resurrection. Our churches celebrate anniversaries. We all celebrate our birthdays and wedding anniversaries. But I think it will be really interesting to begin celebrating the turning points in my life. I think I would like to set apart a day or days to remember God for some of the significant signposts in my life… if only I could remember when they happened…

Back from the Fields...

2005-09-19T11:16:00.000+08:00

I’m back after a 5 day visit to Kuala Selangor… I think apart from the hard manual labor, it’s been a good rest for my mind and spirit. I enjoyed the nights in the chalet with time for myself to watch TV, read some books and listen to some music.

But the recurrence of the pain in my lower back and abdomen did give me a cause for concern. I was undecided about whether I should continue going to the fields or just stay at the hotel. In the end, I decided to go. At this point I really do have to write about all the health hazards that I had to face throughout the trip. I might just die from one of these things one day!

Of course, there is the hot sun, with its scorching heat and UV rays. I just wonder how much the sun-block really helped because I ended up with sunburn anyway. One day I might just get skin cancer… heheh. I was hoping for some fresh country air, but was greeted by hazy air that smelled like burning sulphur every morning. Some local farmers were burning their fields. And I guess some did get blown across the Straits from Sumatera. Then there is the wonderful smell of exhaust that I get to inhale all day while working around the truck. I can even smell it while in it’s air-conditioned cabin! Lung cancer awaits me…

Then there are the creature hazards. We saw a long piece of dried skin left behind by a snake that had shed it not too long ago. The whole thing was still intact and the farmers identified it as belonging to a king cobra. Great. ‘I’ll be walking all around the paddy fields without any shoes on for 5 days’ I thought to myself then. There are the red ants too. They are everywhere. And when they bite, it hurts! The pain and itch lasts for about a week. I also saw 4 or 5 mosquitoes with black and white stripes happily sucking on my blood when I was out taking some pictures. I killed them all. I wondered if I’d get dengue fever in the next few days. And there are the hundreds of bugs, spiders and tiny little critters that stepped on or came into contact with. I might just get bitten by something poisonous one day.

But of course… there will always be the amazing views and wildlife which I managed to capture with my new camera!

Back to the Fields...

2005-09-12T13:17:00.000+08:00

Just a few more hours to go... my bags are packed. I’m ready. I’ll be leaving for the paddy fields again. This will be the first of 7 trips there for season-long research. I don’t know what to expect this time, especially with more work to be done. Now I’ll be missing CF this Tuesday (with an interesting topic called ‘Inter-D: Celebration of Diversity) and Bible study on Thursday! I’m gonna miss Agnes too… Sad… I also won’t be able to update the blog as often now.

But I think there is a part of me doesn’t mind going back to the kampung and the countryside. I don’t mind seeing green fields again. I’ll be spending a lot of nights in the hotel with nothing much to do so I hope I can do more reading. Maybe I can even catch up on my research work!

Spurred on...

2005-09-09T12:44:00.000+08:00

Bible study was inspiring yesterday. Not for the first time, Grampz reminded us to see if God is calling us to a particular place. Is God calling us to a ministry in our hometowns; in a particular church? Many of us graduates prefer to stay in KL and other big cities where we can find the jobs that we want. We may even choose such places because the churches here are bigger and more elaborate. Maybe they’re more ‘happening’. Maybe we can have all we want over here. Will God want to send us back to our smaller hometowns to serve Him in our home churches? Does God want to send us home with all the things that we’ve learnt and experienced here as students so that we can share them with our family over there? At the moment, I still have no inkling what this message means to me personally. I’ll just keep it in mind while I wait and see…

On another note, Grampz gave a heartfelt sharing yesterday. It inspired me. 17 years already and she’s still going strong! And she still enjoys what she does! No doubt there were times when she felt alone. No doubt there were a lot of sacrifices to be made. But she still carries on. Whenever I get tired or discouraged, I need only to look at her life to spur me on. I see in it a reflection of Nehemiah who kept his focus in the midst of challenges and opposition. Most of all, I see in it a reflection of our Lord who kept His focus in Gethsemane in the midst of loneliness, doubt and struggles. This just spurs me on...

Brother Sun, Sister Moon: A Tribute to St. Francis of Assisi

2005-09-08T10:21:00.000+08:00

Watching a child at play is fun. Children live in their own little world and to them it is serious business, and in their minds it all makes sense. We smile at them. We can look at it from a distance, see the joy and adventure that flows with such spontaneity from a child’s imagination, but we can no longer enter into that world. It is lost to us forever. We were once there but somewhere along life’s path have lost the key to the door that unlocks that world for us. We might be tempted to call the child’s world a world of make-believe. But that would be a mistake. It is make-believe to us who have found another world which we never dare to call make-believe. That child’s world is no more fantasy to the child than our unhealthy world is to ourselves. ~ Joseph Girzone, foreward to Saint Francis of Assisi

With this paragraph, we enter into the world of St. Francis. It is as if we have entered a child’s world; a world of make-believe… he saw things that none of us would have seen. He preached to animals as if they could understand every word he said. His thoughts were simple, even child-like – a prime example of the child-like faith that Jesus talked about. Who would use terms like ‘Brother Sun’ and ‘Sister Moon’ to refer to the heavenly bodies? Who, when about to have his eyeballs burnt out with red-hot iron, would say, “Brother Fire, God made you beautiful and strong and useful; I pray you be courteous with me.” Who would attempt to end the Crusades by speaking to the Muslims and trying to convert the Saracen Sultan? Who would sell off his father’s belongings to donate to the rebuilding of a church? Who would intercede with the Emperor on behalf of birds?

His life was a collage of the weird and ridiculous. Many of us will find it difficult to understand such a character. Who in his right mind would dance around half-naked in the snow? Which son of a middle class merchant would give up his riches and clothing to live life as a beggar? Which beggar will only wear the worst clothes that he could find, eat the worst food that people would offer, and stay in the worst place he could get? Which person would teach another to run after a thief who has stolen his shoes so that he could give the thief his socks as well? Who would go around searching for a martyr’s death so that he could fully emulate his Lord Jesus Christ? How can we explain why a man who loved a woman so much would help her to run away from her parents not to become his wife, but so that she could fulfill her dreams of becoming a nun? Most of us would look at him as a crazy lunatic. Only lunatics would do such things… lunatics… or lovers…

We do not see anything wrong with men who would willingly gather flowers in the rain for the woman of their dreams. We are accustomed to seeing knights in their shining armor, prepared to die for the princesses they would rescue. We regard young men who would give up everything for their beautiful maidens as noble. For it is when we start to look at St. Francis in this light, according to G. K. Chesterton in his book Saint Francis of Assisi, that we come to truly understand him. He was a man in love… not with any fair maiden; he was a man in love with God. No doubt he was child-like, maybe even childish, but St. Francis was a Troubadour.

Even in the final moments of his life, he requested that his friends carried him off his already rugged bed so that he could die naked on the bare, hard ground – to prove that he was nothing and had nothing. But G. K. Chesterton wrote beautifully about St. Francis’ death: the stars which passed above that gaunt and wasted corpse stark upon the rocky floor had for once, in all their shining cycles around the world of laboring humanity, looked down upon a happy man…

We think of him as living in his own innocent world of childish make-believe, but indeed –St. Francis died a happy man… and we all long for it…

Goodbye Linda

2005-09-07T22:12:00.000+08:00

Shock. Again. Another Message.

Please be informed that the student named below have passed away on 31st August 2005. He accidentally fell down from 5th floor Cyberia apartment.

Linda Samuel Mnotoza (male)

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Oh my goodness… Linda!!! I knew him many years ago, but haven’t seen him around in campus recently. He used to come to CF very often a few years back. I remember seeing him perform some African traditional dances for us during World Students Week together with Season and Ndibu. He even came to visit us and stayed over at our place in SK. He’s gone… just like that. Only in his twenties. Pastor Joanne called one of his South African friends and found out that he tried to climb into his unit through the windows after being locked out of his house. Sad… tragic... for those of us CF graduates who knew him as a friend, it came as no less than a shock...

Sparking Conversations?

2005-09-07T14:09:00.000+08:00

It only takes a spark, to get a fire going…

So the song goes… Of course, this song talks about God’s love. But I wonder if the Get Real Session yesterday at CF will spark more similar conversations in the future, whether in mamak stalls, in class or wherever. I was quite happy to hear that some of those who were not Christians were really curious to know more about what we believe. It was really nice to have our Muslim friends join us for the dialogue and even contributing; and I am really happy with how the CFers responded to them as well! We didn’t arrive at any answers, mainly because we had too short a time for too broad a subject. But I think it is also because most of the questions didn’t really have any easy answers! Well… may we have more opportunities to work these things out in the future, in more conversations like these. I've been having a few with some friends lately. Anyone up for it?

Back from Hospital

2005-09-06T16:26:00.000+08:00

Finally, I’m back! After a 3 night spell at Sunway Medical Center, I’m back here in SK. I never expected that after visiting Jane’nette, I would end up in hospital. But I did. It’s the kidney stones again. I was under excruciating pain for a few hours and the painkillers didn’t seem to help at all. I’d better start controlling my diet from now on. This whole episode will be forever etched in my memory as full of ‘firsts’. It’s the first time that I’ve been admitted to hospital since primary school. It’s the first time that I’ve been on drips. I had my first ride on a wheelchair. What else? Let me see… Nothing else I guess. I did some X-rays, and I had to decide on whether I wanted the stone to come out naturally or through some medical techniques. I chose the former, after getting some advice from my dad. But I kind of enjoyed the whole episode, minus the pain of course (and the quite terrible hospital food). I enjoyed being able to relax in bed all day long. I enjoyed being able to call nurses to attend to me whenever I want. I enjoyed the air-conditioned room. I even had a friendly roommate who works in Shell IT. I was thankful for that rest. I used it to read more than a third of a wonderful book that I bought on Saturday – N. T. Wright’s ‘The Challenge of Jesus’. After reading the first two chapters, I realized how limited my views about Jesus had been. I was awe-struck by many of N. T. Wright’s views about Jesus. I couldn’t help putting down the book to spend some time worshipping God in prayer, expressing my amazement at Jesus the prophet and Messiah. I’ll write more about this book in detail another time. For now, I just want to get some sleep…

Katrina Strikes Hard...

2005-09-02T18:28:00.000+08:00

In New Orleans, caregiver Sarah Johnson yells for help for her elderly patient

This picture says it all...

In the meantime, street gangs go looting and raping... certain groups of Christians go around preaching repentance because this was God punishing the homosexuals...

As of now, I've not heard of any country saying anything about helping the US in relief efforts. So much for gratitude of their assistance in the tsunami relief efforts. No doubt they are a rich nation, but that doesn't mean the rest can't help.

Lord have mercy...

Of Eagles and Songs

2005-09-02T16:15:00.000+08:00

Twice last week I heard this illustration of how a long term eagle will grow its beak till it is too long, and ends up hurting itself. And its talons get too blunt for catching its prey. And the feathers get worn out. so the eagle decides to go up this high place, and break its own beak; get rid of all its talons; and pluck out its feathers so that new ones will grow. ~ Grampz

I got this comment from PhD on my recent post. A worn out eagle with a beak too long that it is hurting itself! I think God has already shown me that long beak at church on Sunday. It is something I need to remove. I do not think that the eagle can break the beak on its own… it needs to break it against an object that is much stronger and solid, maybe a rock on a mountain slope. I need God to be that rock…

I can’t help but feel that God is using the circumstances around me to remove pride in me… again. It’s part of discarding the pieces. It’s part of removing the beak so that a new one can grow. It doesn’t feel good, of course. I felt the force of it in little things recently. Again, it was just the little things that I would have shrugged off, but I became overly sensitive to these things. What can I say? Thank You Lord… It feels terrible, but thank You… I know it was out of love… and I love You too!

In the midst of my current reflections, God has been continuously showing me the needs of others. Friends are going through all sorts of problems and discouragements. Some are getting sick. In the meantime, America has been devastated by one of the worst natural disasters to have hit it as hurricane Katrina swept through New Orleans. Does He have something to say to me through all these?

I remembered asking what my focus was recently… and maybe… God seems to be telling me again – people. Have I lost that focus? After this short ‘Sabbath’ week for me, I feel refreshed. I think I’m finally ready to carry on. Gone are the feelings of tiredness and weariness, of discouragement and hurt. I’ve found that rest in God. And it’s beautiful…

He’s not done removing the long beak, and it is going to take awhile. It will take awhile for new feathers to replace old ones. What pieces do I bring with me? A Franciscan monk once said, “A monk should own nothing but his own harp”; G. K. Chesterton adds, “meaning, I suppose, that he should value nothing but his song, the song with which it was his business as a minstrel to serenade every castle and cottage, the song of the joy of the Creator in his creation and the beauty of the brotherhood of men.” What is my song? Yes, I will carry only that song with me, the song that has been given me by God to serenade the hearts of men and God Himself; a song that sings of our wonderful Creator; one that brings glory only to Him. This is the song of my life, in all its beauty and imagination, weakness and shame.

Malaysia, I'm Lovin' It!

2005-08-31T23:22:00.000+08:00

I had to force myself to follow Agnes and her cousins to the Merdeka Day parade at Putrajaya this morning. So early! I do feel a little patriotic after that, especially looking at some of the armed forces of our nation parading their stuff. So these are the people who are willing to die for our country… to die for people like us… I especially looked forward to the fly-by by the Air Force. I was not disappointed as the F-18 Hornets and Mig-29 Fulcrums did their ‘Victory Roll’s and zoomed by the pavilion. I do love this country, and I think that it is a great blessing to be born here. Many people in other countries are not as fortunate as us. Every morning we wake up and we breathe the air of relative freedom, peace, harmony and prosperity. Thanks to the CF committee for getting us to pray together for our country last night. May God’s kingdom come in Malaysia! May His justice and righteousness reign! Happy 48th Birthday to Malaysia! Keranamu Malaysia!

A Piece to Discard

2005-08-28T21:31:00.000+08:00

The call to forge on ahead has been clear, in the midst of some recent doubts and discouragement. We sang this song at church today. It’s one of those songs that’s been ‘oversung’, so much that I’ve gotten sick of it. But then due to the circumstances surrounding me, it’s become so meaningful again:

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You.

Datuk Dr Alex Matthews preached about presenting our bodies as living sacrifices to God from Romans 12. We ended with this hymn, another one of my favorites:

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.

Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.

Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.

Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

But in Romans 12:3-6, I think God showed me something that I need to let go, one of the pieces that I need to leave behind as I carry on – that ‘I know more than you’ kind of attitude. Pride. It’s the same thing again isn’t it? Over and over again. When will it ever end?

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. ~ Romans 12:3-6

This phrase by Datuk Alex struck me: We are all born disabled. Yes, no doubt fearfully and wonderfully made, but nevertheless disabled. And I would assume that God did it on purpose. None of us are perfect. None of us is good at everything. That is why we need one another in the body! No one is better than the other! Stop thinking that you are better than the others, Kevin!

I finally met my friend Mohd Elfie at Midvalley after church. I enjoyed spending those moments with him at McDonalds, chatting and updating each other on our lives. We went to MPH to look at some books. I told him that I would bring him to the SUFES bookstore one day, since he seems to be really interested in Christian history and they have a large collection of reference books there.

Debtors of Love

2005-08-26T09:28:00.000+08:00

A few of us from CF went to Shell IT today for the combined Cyberjaya CF, where the Christians from various companies in Cyberjaya meet up once a month. I think it’s a good thing. Chris invited all of us there today, and Agnes came as well, representing HSBC! It was great to see Joseph there as well! It’s nice when all of us gather together. Maybe we can look to doing something for the community of Cyberjaya in the future. Having networks such as these will definitely help. Thank God for bringing us together!

Pastor David spoke from a passage in the Bible which I think would be do well for me to remember. Paul says in Romans 1:14 – I am a debtor both to Greeks and to barbarians, both to wise and unwise. We are all debtors… debtors of love. We owe our neighbors our love and ourselves.