Picking up the Pieces...
I think I’ve reached another crossroad in my life… maybe it’s a fork. There’s been a few words here and there, a few incidences… more than a few thoughts. They’re nothing big, just a few things that I would shrug off as nothing out of the ordinary. But as a result, I find myself wondering, reflecting about where I am now… where I’ve gone in the past few months. The things I’ve done and the things I’ve said, the things that I’ve been getting myself into; different kinds of experiences here and there.
Maybe I AM tired… getting a little weary. For a few moments I just felt like I wanted to follow in the footsteps of Elijah; to run away from it all. Life would be so much easier then. Why do I even bother? What have I gotten myself into? Why am I feeling like this? I can’t even describe what I’m feeling. Not sadness… certainly not anger… feeling lost maybe… discouraged? maybe even hurt? Are the things that I’ve been saying and doing really worth saying and doing at all? Maybe I’ve lost focus? Drained? Maybe I just need some time to be alone… for some solitude.
As I was reading Pastor Sivin Kit’s blog, something happened. I can’t explain it. I don’t know how or why, but some of his random thoughts just sort of lifted me. I can’t really figure out what it was in the post that affected me, neither am I able to relate what he said to what I am going through at the moment. Maybe… just maybe… it’s that feeling you get when you realize that you are not alone in all this. It might have been similar to what Elijah would have felt when God told him that he was not alone – that there were others who were fighting for the same cause. I thought I heard a still, small voice… urging me to get up, pick up the pieces and carry on. But how will I be sure? And I have this feeling that picking up the pieces requires me to be selective – to only pick up those pieces that are good. Leave the rest.
The word ‘counter-cultural’ suddenly popped out at me among the sea of words, not for the first time. Never in my life have I ever dared to dream that I would have anything to do with prophetic ministries. The blatant misuse of the word ‘prophecy’ in charismatic circles as a form of ‘Christianized fortune-telling’ has made me recoil at the mere mention of the word, even despise it. But more and more I’ve learnt from the likes of PhD in Bluffology to see that being prophetic has much to do with being counter-cultural. What is a prophet but a person who is a voice of counter-culture in his community?
This Malay song has been playing in my mind:
Di bawah kepak sayapMu,
Kau bawaku terbang tinggi,
Melintasi langit biru,
Bagaikan rajawali...
And inevitably, the verse that inspired the song came too…
Maybe I AM tired… getting a little weary. For a few moments I just felt like I wanted to follow in the footsteps of Elijah; to run away from it all. Life would be so much easier then. Why do I even bother? What have I gotten myself into? Why am I feeling like this? I can’t even describe what I’m feeling. Not sadness… certainly not anger… feeling lost maybe… discouraged? maybe even hurt? Are the things that I’ve been saying and doing really worth saying and doing at all? Maybe I’ve lost focus? Drained? Maybe I just need some time to be alone… for some solitude.
As I was reading Pastor Sivin Kit’s blog, something happened. I can’t explain it. I don’t know how or why, but some of his random thoughts just sort of lifted me. I can’t really figure out what it was in the post that affected me, neither am I able to relate what he said to what I am going through at the moment. Maybe… just maybe… it’s that feeling you get when you realize that you are not alone in all this. It might have been similar to what Elijah would have felt when God told him that he was not alone – that there were others who were fighting for the same cause. I thought I heard a still, small voice… urging me to get up, pick up the pieces and carry on. But how will I be sure? And I have this feeling that picking up the pieces requires me to be selective – to only pick up those pieces that are good. Leave the rest.
The word ‘counter-cultural’ suddenly popped out at me among the sea of words, not for the first time. Never in my life have I ever dared to dream that I would have anything to do with prophetic ministries. The blatant misuse of the word ‘prophecy’ in charismatic circles as a form of ‘Christianized fortune-telling’ has made me recoil at the mere mention of the word, even despise it. But more and more I’ve learnt from the likes of PhD in Bluffology to see that being prophetic has much to do with being counter-cultural. What is a prophet but a person who is a voice of counter-culture in his community?
This Malay song has been playing in my mind:
Di bawah kepak sayapMu,
Kau bawaku terbang tinggi,
Melintasi langit biru,
Bagaikan rajawali...
And inevitably, the verse that inspired the song came too…
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ~ Isaiah 40:30-31
As I walked outside, I looked up at the skies… and it was blue…
posted by sojourner @ Thursday, August 25, 2005
2 comments
2 Comments:
My dear brother, maybe in the midst of all our voicing, and all our seeing, and all our hearing, ... you are hearing the still small voice .... it is not a voice of condemnation, or of beating you when you are limping. It is the voice of "WOOING" from the great BELOVED!
Often, for me these dark cave moments I hear His love song and it moves me to tears.
Talking bout eagles ~ scary oh! Twice last week I heard this illustration of how a long term eagle will grow its beak till it is too long, and ends up hurting itself. And it's tallons get too blunt for catching its prey. And the feathers get worn out. Ao the eagle decides to go up this high place, and break its own beak; get rid of all its tallons; and pluck out its feathers so that new ones will grow.
What struck me was that this is when the eagle is so helpless, it will have to depend on higher powers to feed it!! If it does, it proceeds to live another 40 years.
I guess I have been going through that myself lor.
Take care, chum
Grampz
Hi grampz!
Thanks! I think God showed me the 'beak too long and hurting myself' part of it at church on Sunday... will be writing about it.
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