Drinking the Cup and Thoughts on Vocation

My parents and my brother have come and gone during the long weekend that became too short. Now that I am all alone here, I find myself in melancholy mood again. I miss my family. I miss the past. I miss home… wherever that is. I’ve been thinking the whole night. I’ve been thinking about my relationships with people, and I feel guilty about all the times that I have been so selfish. I’ve been thinking about Penang and Jelutong Methodist Church. I wonder if I will have the chance to go back and stay there for awhile, to be with my family and to serve in the church that I grew up in. I wonder if there is anything that I can give in return to the community that brought me up as a child. I’ve been thinking about my mom and dad, who will be retiring in a few years’ time. I wonder if they are happy with their life right now. I wonder if they have joy and a purpose in life. I wonder if they will be happier if I moved back to Penang. I’ve been thinking about my own life. I wonder where the road will lead me. I think I need change. I need a fresh start, or else I’m going to rot here in my laziness and complacency. What is my vocation? What have I been called to? I’ve been thinking about God. And as I did so, I broke out in song as I drove from Kota Kemuning to Sri Kembangan. I believe I need a fresh injection of discipline in my relating to Him.

Some thoughts from Henri Nouwen to digest while I continue to reflect about my own calling and my vocation:

Jesus drank the cup of His life. He experienced praise, adulation, admiration and immense popularity. He also experienced rejection, ridicule, and mass hatred. At one moment people shouted “Hosanna”; a moment later they cried, “Crucify him”. Jesus took it all in, not as a hero adored and then vilified, but as the one who had come to fulfill a mission and who kept his focus on that mission whatever the responses were.

Busyness has become a sign of importance. Having much to do, many places to go, and countless people to meet gives us status and even fame. However, being busy can lead us away from our true vocation and prevent us from drinking our cup.

It is not easy to distinguish between doing what we are called to do and doing what we want to do. Our many wants can easily distract us from our true action. True action leads us to the fulfillment of our vocation. Whether we work in an office, travel the world, write books or make films, care for the poor, offer leadership, or fulfill unspectacular tasks, the question is not “What do I most want?” but “What is my vocation?” The most prestigious position in society can be an expression of obedience to our call as well as a sign of our refusal to hear that call, and the least prestigious position, too, can be a response to our vocation as well as a way to avoid it.

Drinking our cup involves carefully choosing those actions which lead us closer to complete emptying of it, so that at the end of our lives we can say with Jesus, “It is fulfilled”.