The People Helping Process

For today’s session of the ‘How to be a People Helper’ course, we learnt some very useful lessons on people helping based on the encounter between Jesus and two of His disciples on the road to Emmaus (Luke 24:13-35).

Just as Jesus came alongside his disciples in the encounter, we need to be willing to meet people where they are. We should not wait for people to come to us. Don’t ask, ‘Why don’t people come and see me?’

Jesus began by asking questions. His questions were open-ended.

Jesus listened. He gave his disciples an opportunity to speak, share and express their frustrations even though He already knew what they were going to say. He already knew their problems. We need to let others express their thoughts and feelings even though we think we might already know what they are going to say.

Jesus confronted when He needed to.

Jesus helped his disciples to see their own errors.

Jesus got close by choosing to stay with them.

Jesus left them after awhile so that they could be independent and spurred to action

In the helping process, there are generally six steps. Step 1 involves building rapport with the helpee, so that we earn their trust and the right to be their helper. Step 2 involves clarifying the issues of the helpee. We need to understand the situation fully before we attempt to give suggestions. If the problem involves two or more parties, it is better to hear it from all sides before coming to any conclusions. In Step 3, we need to help the helpees explore alternatives by discussing the various options or actions that are available to them. One way this can be done is to use the worst case scenario. Ask them, ‘What could be the worst thing that can happen if you do this?’ After that, we can move on to Step 4, which is to stimulate change or action in the helpee. The helpee needs to decide what his or her next course of action is and do it. We can ask them what they plan to do. We MUST let them make their own decisions instead of making decisions for them. This will enable them to own the decision. If not, the helpee may blame us when things go wrong. After that, the results need to be evaluated to see if the course of action is working. Should the helpee consider other options? Should the helpee reattempt the previous action? In the final step, the helper-helpee relationship is terminated. When the helpee is ready, we must be willing to let go. Let them fly away. Do not let them cling to you. Even if they don’t thank you or appreciate you, it doesn’t matter. We are helping people, not accumulating people.

A few important points were raised by Rev. David. As people helpers, we must be ready to bear the cost. Some people might take advantage of us. Others may misunderstand us or misinterpret what we are trying to do. In addition to that, we have to always remember that it is the Holy Spirit that is doing the work. The Holy Spirit is the one who solves the problems, not us. In each step of the process, we need to rely on the Holy Spirit.