Struggling and Striving on
These few days have been a time of reflection and deep soul searching. What do I really believe in? Am I still a Christian anymore? Or am I just a ‘new kind of Christian’? Maybe one day, when I have the time, I should write down a statement of faith. I wondered about the books that I have been reading. I thought about the words that I have been saying. I sifted through the thoughts that have been gathering at the back of my mind. Have I gone too far with my questions? Should I stop here? Should I just go back to where I was before? Or should I carry on with my search? What’s the point of it all?
Deep within me, I hear a voice, urging me to strive on. This voice grows louder and clearer with each passing minute. I feel a burning desire, a renewed fervor to carry on the search for truth; to wrestle and struggle with God just as Jacob did. I will continue reading what I believe will help me in my search. I will continue to question. I will continue to admit that I still do not know. I may end up going astray but I am willing to risk it. The story of the Church is filled with people who were willing to risk thinking out of the box: Justin Martyr, Augustine of Hippo, Francis of Assisi, Martin Luther, John Calvin, G. K. Chesterton and C. S. Lewis were but a few of them.
Is this the voice of God speaking to me? Or is it just my carnal self? I need my friends to pray with me and confirm if this really is the voice of God. Thank you guys for being concerned (or at least I think you are)! I appreciate your reminders to be careful where I tread. I can sometimes go too far too fast, and your observations persuaded me to slow down and reevaluate myself before going any further. One thing I have learned through this experience is that I need to be careful who I share some of my thoughts with. I am glad that the friends with whom I shared this time were mature and strong enough to hold their own. I hope that I will not be responsible for causing anyone to stumble. Yet, I will continue to struggle and strive on. I will not say that this is what God wills me to do. Too many people have used this phrase for all the wrong reasons. I do not want to be guilty of using God’s name in vain. I will say that this is what I have purposed in my heart to do. I can only hope and believe that this is what God wants too. God help me. And I hope that my brothers and sisters in the body of Christ will continue to keep an eye on me. I realize how important the community of believers is.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. (Phillipians 3:10-16)
Deep within me, I hear a voice, urging me to strive on. This voice grows louder and clearer with each passing minute. I feel a burning desire, a renewed fervor to carry on the search for truth; to wrestle and struggle with God just as Jacob did. I will continue reading what I believe will help me in my search. I will continue to question. I will continue to admit that I still do not know. I may end up going astray but I am willing to risk it. The story of the Church is filled with people who were willing to risk thinking out of the box: Justin Martyr, Augustine of Hippo, Francis of Assisi, Martin Luther, John Calvin, G. K. Chesterton and C. S. Lewis were but a few of them.
Is this the voice of God speaking to me? Or is it just my carnal self? I need my friends to pray with me and confirm if this really is the voice of God. Thank you guys for being concerned (or at least I think you are)! I appreciate your reminders to be careful where I tread. I can sometimes go too far too fast, and your observations persuaded me to slow down and reevaluate myself before going any further. One thing I have learned through this experience is that I need to be careful who I share some of my thoughts with. I am glad that the friends with whom I shared this time were mature and strong enough to hold their own. I hope that I will not be responsible for causing anyone to stumble. Yet, I will continue to struggle and strive on. I will not say that this is what God wills me to do. Too many people have used this phrase for all the wrong reasons. I do not want to be guilty of using God’s name in vain. I will say that this is what I have purposed in my heart to do. I can only hope and believe that this is what God wants too. God help me. And I hope that my brothers and sisters in the body of Christ will continue to keep an eye on me. I realize how important the community of believers is.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. (Phillipians 3:10-16)
posted by sojourner @ Tuesday, May 24, 2005
4 comments
4 Comments:
before you carry on "questioning" your Christianity ... or whether you are a Christian. I think I asked this maybe before how are you connected in community. Remember NEO's community in the "Last Word". I strongly believe our faith is personal AND communal. That makes a big difference especially when we're in reconstructing mode. Often, we find important support from those who understand :-) or at least are understanding!
Oops! I realized I did not answer your questions in the previous post! Well, I'm not really part of any 'church' community in the usual sense (though I hope to, once I move to my girlfriend's church). The community that I am connected to is a group of CF graduates whom I meet with once a week for Bible study. There are also people in the CF, and CF graduates whom I still keep in touch with through yahoo messenger and e-mail. But I haven't really discussed these issues with them. Until last weekend, I've been sort of keeping those thoughts to myself. I guess now its out in the open!
maybe that was one of the reasons I started a blog as well, hoping that I will be able to get connected to a community of faith(though it's an online one) with whom I can work out these questions with.
on questioning my Christianity, I am in the habit of typing out whatever feelings and thoughts come to my head, even those that appear for less than a few seconds! It's my way of expressing my feelings (whining) at that moment in time! :P Rest assured, I am still fully convinced that I am a follower of Christ and I still have a great desire to learn how I can be more like Him in this day and age!
:-) I find blogging very therapeutic at times ... gives chance to unload the stuff in our heads and hearts. And surprisingly, you get connected with people ... take care. Keep in touch
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