Pondering...
I’ve been thinking about life and death a lot recently. Those morbid thoughts have led me in and out of depression in the last few months. That aside, I have been thinking a lot about my own life in all its fragility, messiness and beauty. Life is fragile. I’ve said it many times before. If it ends tonight, will I be satisfied with the way that I’ve lived? Am I living life to the fullest? Have I been a good steward of this gift that has been bestowed upon me each day when thousands of others do not wake up to see the sun rising the next day?
Such ruminations, while thinking about what I’ve just read about being a Christian in Malaysia and some recent posts by a friend on her blog, cause me to ponder about my own future, however short it may or may not be. There’s been a faint whisper tugging at my heart, calling me home to Penang to be with my family and the people that I’ve known during my growing up years. More and more, I’m beginning to feel a deep sense of wanting to spend more time with my parents, not least because of my recent illness and the thought that we may not have much time left together on this earth and in this age. Nevertheless, it still remains a faint whisper… Deep down, I also wonder if I should be doing something else. Where do I go from here? There are decisions to be made, and a brittle but exciting life to be lived.
In terms of ministry, two in particular have been my joy and constant source of refreshing. They are the two Bible studies that I am involved in – one in SK, and the other in campus. I thank God each time I think about the fruits that have been borne through those studies. I look forward to these sessions every week, and leave them feeling blessed. I thank all these friends of mine who make the study so much more fun, insightful and rewarding. I realize now… that this is something that I love doing so very much… these are little things… which now remind me again of God’s message to me just a little more than a year ago; about the little things that He wants me to do; that my call to ministry will be a ministry of little things… I remember now… just like before, just like my Grandma… just like yeast working invisibly through the whole dough… Learning to let go of certain things while fighting the need to feel important will not be easy.
Such ruminations, while thinking about what I’ve just read about being a Christian in Malaysia and some recent posts by a friend on her blog, cause me to ponder about my own future, however short it may or may not be. There’s been a faint whisper tugging at my heart, calling me home to Penang to be with my family and the people that I’ve known during my growing up years. More and more, I’m beginning to feel a deep sense of wanting to spend more time with my parents, not least because of my recent illness and the thought that we may not have much time left together on this earth and in this age. Nevertheless, it still remains a faint whisper… Deep down, I also wonder if I should be doing something else. Where do I go from here? There are decisions to be made, and a brittle but exciting life to be lived.
In terms of ministry, two in particular have been my joy and constant source of refreshing. They are the two Bible studies that I am involved in – one in SK, and the other in campus. I thank God each time I think about the fruits that have been borne through those studies. I look forward to these sessions every week, and leave them feeling blessed. I thank all these friends of mine who make the study so much more fun, insightful and rewarding. I realize now… that this is something that I love doing so very much… these are little things… which now remind me again of God’s message to me just a little more than a year ago; about the little things that He wants me to do; that my call to ministry will be a ministry of little things… I remember now… just like before, just like my Grandma… just like yeast working invisibly through the whole dough… Learning to let go of certain things while fighting the need to feel important will not be easy.
posted by sojourner @ Thursday, March 09, 2006
0 comments
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home