On the Third Trip to Sarawak...

I feel that I really need to write something about the trip to Sarawak. I’ve been sick and busy for the past few days. I am still sick and busy now. There are just too many things to say that I don’t even know where to start! How do I organize all my thoughts and feelings?

During one of the devotions, on the day that we came back from the longhouses via logging trails, I asked each of us to share who God had been to us personally as well as to the team. I guess I will start here:

I feel that throughout the trip, God has been that still, small voice whispering in my ear. I could just feel Him near me in those moments that I needed Him… just before I had to chair a worship meeting, in the few minutes that I spent walking around the longhouse alone before I had to preach. I could hear Him. I could hear His Spirit filling me with ideas and words to say. I feel refreshed. Maybe it was because I was no longer the leader. I had less to worry about. I had less to think about. Instead, I had more time to pray, more time to reflect and most of all, more time to listen. I’ve never been listening to God so much before in my life! And I am thankful. I am thankful for this wonderful relationship. I am thankful for the quietness in my mind and the stillness of my heart.

Before the trip, I felt strongly that through this week-long sojourn, God wanted to teach me humility. I needed to learn to submit to my friends, to look at them as better than myself, and to remove all those arrogant thoughts that I had about myself. And He did. The surprising thing was that God had been much gentler than I expected. He was a gentle Teacher throughout. For that I am thankful too. I have had very harsh rebukes from God in the past with regards to my pride. I remember the times when He brought me real low… but this time, a soft reminder here, a tender push there, and a gentle nod over there… I don’t deserve it, I really don’t. But God has been good to me.

For the team, I believe that God has been an artist who sees the big picture. We were going back to Sarikei on the Toyota Hilux. The view was quite spectacular at times. We could see mountain ranges covered with pristine forests under the blue sky. Some places were still covered in the morning mist. We could even occasionally see the long road winding up and down the hills in the distance. And then this came to my mind: perhaps this is the view that God sees. He sees the big picture. He sees the forests. He knows where the road leads to. Our view however, is like the view from the longboats. We cannot see past the next bend. We can only see the trees right in front of us. And indeed, the whole trip came together so wonderfully that we could only admire in awe at the wisdom and sovereignty of God. No doubt there had been a lot of surprises. But everything came together – the devotions, the sermons, the team… everything. And for me, this whole trip has been God’s masterpiece.

After everyone shared, I ended by reading Isaiah 40 and 41, while reminding everyone that LORD in the English Bible represents YHWH – the name that God used to introduce Himself to Moses – I am who I am, I will be who I will be. Yes, He was. He was… we can only submit to His sovereignty.

This trip has been very different for me. It has been the best trip so far. I think I’ve found my place in the team. Whereas in previous trips I felt so detached and alone, now I feel so much a part of the team. No doubt we may still think differently when it comes to a lot of things, but I am willing to accept that. Maybe it is all out of that humility that God has been teaching me. Maybe I have changed as a result of being influenced by Brian McLaren and his idea of a generous orthodoxy since the last trip. Who knows. The whole trip was just so wonderful. The team has been so wonderful. I will always remember it. Thank you God so much… thank You…

On the last night before our flight home, while we were at the camp at Pantai Kabong, the Lord blessed me with the most astounding experience to cap off an amazing trip. The chalets had been fully booked, and we had to sleep outdoors near the hall. All the other campers had gone to bed. We had just finished our debriefing to settle some disagreements, and I went with Joash to take a bath. I later walked to the beach to join Chris and a few others who were busy playing with a hermit crab that they managed to pick up. Then I looked up and I saw it… Against the dark blackness of the sea, the sky lit up with light from a million cosmic lanterns, more than any I had ever seen in a single patch of sky in my entire life… it was so beautiful I could cry. The breeze was growing stronger, and clouds were gathering in the sky on my left. Out in the sea, flashes of lightning turned the sky white intermittently. The thunders roared to add their booming voices to the rhythmic pounding of the waves on the seashore, while the night creatures carried on singing their shrill melodies. A storm was brewing on the horizon, but the stars! Oh the stars were shining as brightly as ever in the dark of the Sarawakian night! It was a haunting sight to behold, but so achingly beautiful. Words fail me. The two elements of sea and stars seem to make very good combinations. Both are symbols of beauty and mystery. The scene reminds me of the paintings of one of my favorite artists, Christian Lassen. It was very generous of God to give me a glimpse of such beauty. To imagine that this is what God sees all the time, not just here on earth but on countless worlds all across the universe! What a way to end the trip!