Malaysia, I'm Lovin' It!

I had to force myself to follow Agnes and her cousins to the Merdeka Day parade at Putrajaya this morning. So early! I do feel a little patriotic after that, especially looking at some of the armed forces of our nation parading their stuff. So these are the people who are willing to die for our country… to die for people like us… I especially looked forward to the fly-by by the Air Force. I was not disappointed as the F-18 Hornets and Mig-29 Fulcrums did their ‘Victory Roll’s and zoomed by the pavilion. I do love this country, and I think that it is a great blessing to be born here. Many people in other countries are not as fortunate as us. Every morning we wake up and we breathe the air of relative freedom, peace, harmony and prosperity. Thanks to the CF committee for getting us to pray together for our country last night. May God’s kingdom come in Malaysia! May His justice and righteousness reign! Happy 48th Birthday to Malaysia! Keranamu Malaysia!

A Piece to Discard

The call to forge on ahead has been clear, in the midst of some recent doubts and discouragement. We sang this song at church today. It’s one of those songs that’s been ‘oversung’, so much that I’ve gotten sick of it. But then due to the circumstances surrounding me, it’s become so meaningful again:

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You.

Datuk Dr Alex Matthews preached about presenting our bodies as living sacrifices to God from Romans 12. We ended with this hymn, another one of my favorites:

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.

Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.

Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.

Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

But in Romans 12:3-6, I think God showed me something that I need to let go, one of the pieces that I need to leave behind as I carry on – that ‘I know more than you’ kind of attitude. Pride. It’s the same thing again isn’t it? Over and over again. When will it ever end?

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. ~ Romans 12:3-6

This phrase by Datuk Alex struck me: We are all born disabled. Yes, no doubt fearfully and wonderfully made, but nevertheless disabled. And I would assume that God did it on purpose. None of us are perfect. None of us is good at everything. That is why we need one another in the body! No one is better than the other! Stop thinking that you are better than the others, Kevin!

I finally met my friend Mohd Elfie at Midvalley after church. I enjoyed spending those moments with him at McDonalds, chatting and updating each other on our lives. We went to MPH to look at some books. I told him that I would bring him to the SUFES bookstore one day, since he seems to be really interested in Christian history and they have a large collection of reference books there.

Debtors of Love

A few of us from CF went to Shell IT today for the combined Cyberjaya CF, where the Christians from various companies in Cyberjaya meet up once a month. I think it’s a good thing. Chris invited all of us there today, and Agnes came as well, representing HSBC! It was great to see Joseph there as well! It’s nice when all of us gather together. Maybe we can look to doing something for the community of Cyberjaya in the future. Having networks such as these will definitely help. Thank God for bringing us together!

Pastor David spoke from a passage in the Bible which I think would be do well for me to remember. Paul says in Romans 1:14 – I am a debtor both to Greeks and to barbarians, both to wise and unwise. We are all debtors… debtors of love. We owe our neighbors our love and ourselves.

Picking up the Pieces...

I think I’ve reached another crossroad in my life… maybe it’s a fork. There’s been a few words here and there, a few incidences… more than a few thoughts. They’re nothing big, just a few things that I would shrug off as nothing out of the ordinary. But as a result, I find myself wondering, reflecting about where I am now… where I’ve gone in the past few months. The things I’ve done and the things I’ve said, the things that I’ve been getting myself into; different kinds of experiences here and there.

Maybe I AM tired… getting a little weary. For a few moments I just felt like I wanted to follow in the footsteps of Elijah; to run away from it all. Life would be so much easier then. Why do I even bother? What have I gotten myself into? Why am I feeling like this? I can’t even describe what I’m feeling. Not sadness… certainly not anger… feeling lost maybe… discouraged? maybe even hurt? Are the things that I’ve been saying and doing really worth saying and doing at all? Maybe I’ve lost focus? Drained? Maybe I just need some time to be alone… for some solitude.

As I was reading Pastor Sivin Kit’s blog, something happened. I can’t explain it. I don’t know how or why, but some of his random thoughts just sort of lifted me. I can’t really figure out what it was in the post that affected me, neither am I able to relate what he said to what I am going through at the moment. Maybe… just maybe… it’s that feeling you get when you realize that you are not alone in all this. It might have been similar to what Elijah would have felt when God told him that he was not alone – that there were others who were fighting for the same cause. I thought I heard a still, small voice… urging me to get up, pick up the pieces and carry on. But how will I be sure? And I have this feeling that picking up the pieces requires me to be selective – to only pick up those pieces that are good. Leave the rest.

The word ‘counter-cultural’ suddenly popped out at me among the sea of words, not for the first time. Never in my life have I ever dared to dream that I would have anything to do with prophetic ministries. The blatant misuse of the word ‘prophecy’ in charismatic circles as a form of ‘Christianized fortune-telling’ has made me recoil at the mere mention of the word, even despise it. But more and more I’ve learnt from the likes of PhD in Bluffology to see that being prophetic has much to do with being counter-cultural. What is a prophet but a person who is a voice of counter-culture in his community?

This Malay song has been playing in my mind:

Di bawah kepak sayapMu,
Kau bawaku terbang tinggi,
Melintasi langit biru,
Bagaikan rajawali...

And inevitably, the verse that inspired the song came too…

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ~ Isaiah 40:30-31

As I walked outside, I looked up at the skies… and it was blue…

Our Place in the Procession of the Saints

When I opened up CNN’s webpage to read the news this morning, I was taken aback when I read about the calls for the Bush administration to assassinate the Venezuelan president. And it came from Pat Robertson, a Christian broadcaster and founder of the Christian Coalition. And I’m sure he has his supporters as well. So this is what some of us Christians are up to these days.

It’s easy for us to disconnect from such people and refer to them as ‘they’. ‘It’s the Fundamentalist Christians’ we say. We like to blame it on others. We look at our own history and blame every dirty blot of our history on the poor old Catholics. The Crusades, the Inquisition, the execution of heretics; ‘It’s the Catholics’ we say. Of course it was the Catholics! There were no Protestants then! But the truth is that we Protestants have been responsible for as much violence and misdeeds as our Catholic brothers. And what do we say of them then? ‘They are not real Christians la… they are just Christians by name’. We go around denying that these atrocities were committed by real Christians. Real Christians don’t go around killing people, do they? I ask: What about what the early American settlers did to the Red Indians? What about the Calvinists in their persecution of the Anabaptist Christians? What about Dutch colonialism? What about Rwanda? What about Ireland? Will we deny the fact that our Christian past is riddled with war, violence and errors? Will we deny that some Christians among us will continue to use such means to ‘rid the world of evil’ as we see the Bush administration and people like Pat Robertson doing? Will we disassociate from ‘them’ and say that we have nothing to do with ‘them’ because they are not real Christians, just Christians by name? Who are the real Christians anyway?

I salute Pope Benedict XVI and his predecessor Pope John Paul II for their continual efforts at reconciliation. Pope John Paul’s official apology to the Muslims and Jews for the errors of the Church must have been one of the greatest things that He did in his lifetime.

He asked pardon for the wrong that was done in the course of history through the words and deeds of the members of the Church. In this way he showed us our true image and urged us to take our place, with all our faults and weaknesses, in the procession of the saints. ~ Pope Benedict XVI speaking of his predecessor Pope John Paul II

Just a few days ago, Pope Benedict XVI paid a visit to a Jewish synagogue. Another historical moment… a German Pope who used to serve in the Hitler Youth during the second Word War visiting a synagogue once destroyed by the Nazis. He says:

The Catholic Church is committed -- I reaffirm this again today -- to tolerance, respect, friendship and peace between all peoples, cultures and religions. Yet still much remains to be done. We must come to know and love one another much more and much better

Is it time for us Protestants to begin doing the same? Is it time for us to embrace the whole of our history (including our pre-Protestant history as the catholic Church) and admit that some of us have at times fallen into error? Will we allow these errors to be valuable lessons for us? Will we admit that as Christians, we are not beyond such errors? Instead of putting the blame on others or disassociating with people like Pat Robertson and George Bush, the crusaders and inquisitors, will we say that they are a part of us, and apologize to the World on their behalf, as the catholic Church? Will we look at our own true image as the Church, and take our place with it among all its saints, sinners, glory, faults and weaknesses? Or will we continue in our self-denial and self-righteousness?

Chosen by God... to be Missional

Since my aunt Leena did not have transport to the Catholic Church that she attends whenever she is in Penang, I volunteered to bring her there. I decided to join her for Mass as well.

No [Christian] is responsible only for himself.

This is one phrase that I remember from this morning’s sermon. The priest spoke about how all of us Christians are chosen by God, not for our own benefits, but rather for the benefit of others. I guess this is what it means to be missional. Blessed to be a blessing.

I was just wondering midway through the sermon: Why did Jesus’ disciples choose to follow Him? No doubt it was Jesus who chose them as well, but did they follow Him so that they could go to Heaven? In our consumerist world, we tell people to believe in Jesus so that we can be saved from Hell to go to Heaven. To many people, this has become the main reason to follow Christ. And it is all about the benefits. It is no wonder that many Christians nowadays only think about what we can get out of everything we do, may it be church, good works etc. Were Jesus’ disciples into it for the benefits? Somehow, I would think otherwise. I believe these disciples were so excited about this person that they saw; a man so unique and unbelievable; a man whom they believed would be the Messiah (though in a way that was beyond their imaginations) – so much that they wanted to witness what this Jesus was up to and be a part of what He was doing in the world!

Shouldn’t we tell others about Jesus this way, so that others will be excited about Jesus and will want to become part of His mission to usher in the Kingdom of God; instead of luring people in with ‘benefits’? Will this produce Christians who will be ready to live for God and others instead of Christians who are only concerned about what God can give them? Do we become Christians to save our own skins, or do we become Christians so that we can join in God’s mission for the world? I believe that we have been chosen by God, even as we chose to follow Christ; and we have been chosen to be Missional Christians. The Church does not exist for itself, but for the world. Christians do not live for themselves, but for others.

Happy 80th Birthday Grandpa!!

My grandpa is 80 years old today! We were all back in Penang to celebrate. We had dinner at my dad’s restaurant. Nice…

Prayer: Moving from Mind to Heart

Solitude and Silence can never be separated from the call to unceasing prayer. The desert fathers did not think of solitude as being alone, but as being alone with God. They did not think of silence as not speaking, but as listening to God. Solitude and silence are the context within which prayer is practiced. ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

Henri Nouwen echoes the thoughts of Stanley Grenz on prayer in this aspect. We all know the importance of prayer. The only problem is that people like me are either too lazy or too busy to put it to practice.

Very few ministers will deny that prayer is important. They realize that they should not forget to pray, that they should take time to pray, and that prayer should be a priority in their lives. But all these “shoulds” do not have the power to carry them over the enormous obstacle of activism. There is always one more phone call, one more letter, one more visit, one more meeting, one more book, and one more party. The contrast between the great support for the idea of prayer and the lack of support for the practice of it is so blatantly visible.

One problem that we face in prayer is to think of it primarily as an activity of the mind that involves above all else our intellectual capabilities. This prejudice reduces prayer to speaking with God or thinking about God.

Prayer therefore requires hard mental work and is quite fatiguing. Since we already have so many other practical and pressing things on our minds, thinking about God becomes one more demanding burden. How can we possible expect anyone to find real nurture, comfort, and consolation from a prayer life that taxes the mind beyond its limits and adds one more exhausting activity to the many already scheduled ones? ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

Prayer must move from the mind to heart, Nouwen says. He quotes the Russian mystic Theophan the Recluse: “To pray is to descend with the mind into the heart, and there to stand before the face of the Lord, ever-present, all-seeing, within you.” There God’s Spirit dwells and there the great encounter takes place. There heart speaks to heart. I think what Nouwen says here is that prayer should go beyond our words and contemplation. Instead of speaking to God and thinking about God, we should allow our hearts to encounter the heart of God. Instead of having to think about what we should pray about, or having to think about what words to use, we should just let our hearts speak to God, allowing the Spirit of God to intercede for us through groanings that cannot be uttered.

Nouwen then gives 3 biblical characteristics of prayer of the heart:-

· The prayer of the heart is nurtured by short, simple prayers.

Do not strive for verbosity lest your mind be distracted from devotion by a search for words. One phrase on the lips of the tax collector was enough to win God’s mercy; one humble request made with faith was enough to save the good thief. ~ John Climacus

· The prayer of the heart is unceasing.

How can I pray without ceasing while I am busy with many other things? The answer involves my neighbor. Through my charity, my neighbor becomes a partner in my prayer and makes it into unceasing prayer. ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

· The prayer of the heart is all-inclusive.

Prayer of the heart includes all our concerns. When we enter with our mind into our heart and there stand in the presence of God, then all our mental preoccupations become prayer. Through prayer we can carry in our heart all human pain and sorrow, all conflicts and agonies, all torture and war, all hunger, loneliness and misery, not because of some great psychological or emotional capacity, but because God’s heart has become one with ours. ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

In the prayer of the heart, we see the connection between prayer and ministry. Prayer becomes more than a means by which our ministries become successful. It becomes a ministry in itself. And it is one way in which people are ministered.

The discipline of leading all our people with their struggles into the gentle and humble heart of God is the discipline of prayer as well as the discipline of ministry. As long as ministry only means that we worry a lot about people and their problems; as long as it means an endless number of activities which we can hardly coordinate, we are still very much dependent on our own narrow and anxious heart. But when our worries are led to the heart of God and there become prayer, then ministry and prayer become two manifestations of the same all-embracing love of God. ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

Diversions in Life and the call to Focus...

In Nehemiah chapters 5 and 6 we read about the pressure that is mounting on the governor of Jerusalem. At first, those nobles of Tekoa refused to help rebuild the walls. The enemies ridiculed and made fun of them. The people were beginning to be discouraged about the whole thing. Then the enemies threatened to attack them. They had to put extra hours into their work as they took turns to guard the city. What next? Now there would be disunity and discord among the Jews. The poor cried out against the injustice of the rich. While they were busy rebuilding the walls, the officials and nobles took advantage of the poor. No wonder Nehemiah was angry. ‘Aren’t there already enough problems in our hands? Our enemies are attacking on all sides. There is so much work to be done. I’m doing my best here to protect the people. And here we are squabbling among ourselves! Not only that; these officials are sinning against God! Will they risk God punishing us again?’ Then the personal attacks came. The enemies were getting desperate. This time they went for the leader himself with threats, traps and false accusations. They even tried to discredit him among his own people. But Nehemiah kept his focus.

All the diversions; all the distractions. Our lives are filled with them. At the end of the Bible study, we each asked ourselves: What are the diversions in our lives and what is God calling us to focus on? After some pondering, I realized that I was unable to separate my focus from the diversions. I couldn’t sift out the wheat from the chaff. What is my focus? My studies? Which ministry? Which persons? My relationship? A combination of these? All of them? Having to strike a balance among too many things can be a diversion in itself. What is God calling me to focus on? Or will it be to strike a balance? The answer remains elusive…

Silence: Guarding the Heart

How often do we come out of a conversation, a discussion, a social gathering, or a business meeting with a bad taste in our mouth? How seldom have long talks proved to be good and fruitful? Would not many if not most of the words we use be better left unspoken? We speak about the events of the world, but how often do we really change them for the better? We speak about people and their ways, but how often do our words do them or us any good? We speak about our ideas and feelings as if everyone were interested in them, but how often do we really feel understood? We speak a great deal about God and religion, but how often does it bring us or others real insight? Words often leave us with a sense of inner defeat. They can even create a sense of numbness and a feeling of being bogged down in swampy ground. Often they leave us in a slight depression, or in a fog that clouds the window of our mind. ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

These words of Henri Nouwen describe how I feel each time I say something which I later regret. I think he expresses it so much better than I could have ever expressed. I talk too much. I say too many things. I’m always ready to give an opinion, a comment, an answer, and an explanation. Showing off my knowledge again? I just wonder if the things I say are really worth saying at all. And this is a discipline that I need to learn. Self-control. I need to learn to control my tongue.

Too often our words are superfluous, inauthentic and shallow. It is a good discipline to wonder in each new situation if people wouldn’t be better served by our silence than by our words. ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

Silence… guards the fire within…

Silence… helps us to learn to speak only when we really need to

Silence… allows God to speak to us and through us

The silence of the heart is much more important than silence of the mouth. Abba Poemen said: “A man may seem to be silent, but if his heart is condemning others he is babbling ceaselessly. But there may be another who talks from morning till night and yet he is truly silent.” ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

My Old Friend, a Voice of Islam

Out of curiosity, I tried to search for my own name on Google. Little did I know then that I would stumble upon a website that would make my day! It belonged to an old friend of mine whom I had lost touch with, ever since Standard 5. MENJ's Critical Thoughts is the website’s name, and it belongs to one of my best friends in primary school. It’s been 13 years since I last saw him… that’s a long, long time. What a pleasant surprise! Overwhelmed and excited, I did not hesitate at all to contact him immediately through e-mail. I couldn’t wait for him to reply. I want to meet him! I can’t wait to spend some time together with him to catch up.

There is an extra incentive for me as well. He calls himself an Islamic Internet activist. From what I can gather on his website, he’s been writing for newspaper columns on Islamic issues. He studies comparative religion, with a few of his books having been published. I couldn’t help but notice that he writes a lot about Christianity, Muslim apologetics, current issues involving Islam and much more on his website. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew more about Christianity than I do. But something is wonderfully different. I can’t explain it. I don’t know why. Behind all his words, anti-Zionist comments, critique and questioning of Christianity, I sense a beautiful and gracious personality. I just get this feeling that he’s different. My old friend Elfie, now a Muslim thinker and a voice of moderate Islam right here in Malaysia. I’m looking forward to having dialogues with him. I’m sure we will have so much to learn from each other. But for now, I just want to meet him and find out how he’s doing, and maybe relive our days together in Sri Inai Junior, our alma mater. They are days almost forgotten, lost in the myriad of events in my fading memory. I feel an excitement welling up inside of me, with a little tinge of nostalgia…

Solitude: From Compulsive to Compassionate Ministry

We are all very busy people. This includes pastors, priests, ministers and people like me who choose to serve God in church, CF or somewhere. As Henri Nouwen says in his book 'The Way of the Heart', ‘There is seldom a period in which we do not know what to do, and we move through life in such a distracted way that we do not even take the time and rest to wonder if any of the things we think, say or do are worth thinking, saying, or doing. We simply go along with the many ‘musts’ and ‘oughts’ that have been handed on to us, and we live with them as if they were authentic translations of the Gospel of our Lord. People must be motivated to come to church, youth must be entertained, money must be raised. We are busy people just like all other busy people, rewarded with the rewards which are rewarded to busy people.’

We then become people who are moved by compulsions – Bible studies to lead, ministries to run, people to please and meetings to attend. According to Nouwen, compulsions form the basis of two main enemies of the spiritual life: anger and greed. When my sense of self depends on what others say of me, anger is a quite natural reaction to a critical word. When my sense of self depends on what I can acquire, greed flares up when my desires are frustrated. We get angry when our programs do not run smoothly. We get angry when people do not respond the way we want them to. We get angry when people do not attend meetings we hold. But the kind of anger that we experience is a different kind of anger. This is not an open, blatant, roaring anger, but an anger hidden behind the smooth word, the smiling face, and the polite handshake. It is a frozen anger which settles into a biting resentment and slowly paralyzes a generous heart. Yes, I am all too familiar with anger in such forms. I see it in myself all the time.

The solution, according to Nouwen, based on the lives of Jesus, St. Anthony and the desert fathers, is solitude. But this is not our usual distorted, notion of solitude. It is not a place where we can have privacy to escape the worries of the world – to do our own thing. It is not a place where we go to be recharged before going out for the next round of the fight. According to Nouwen, this solitude is the furnace of transformation – where we die to our old selves and the new emerges. When we are in solitude, we have nothing to hold on to. We have no telephone calls to make, no news to hear, no friends to talk to, no work to do, no titles and positions. There in the moments of our solitude, we are just who we are: our naked, weak, broken and sinful selves. It can be dreadful. Everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work, and my distractions so that I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something. But if we remain in solitude, this is where we encounter God, because only in the context of grace can we face our sin; only in the place of healing do we dare to show our wounds; only with a single-minded attention to Christ can we give up our clinging fears and face our own true nature. As we come to realize that it is not we who live, but Christ who lives in us, we can slowly let our compulsions melt away. In this solitude, we are transformed.

This is not a kind of solitude where we escape from crumbling society to save ourselves. The desert fathers went into the desert for solitude, but they emerged as servants of Christ with fruitful ministries. In this kind of solitude, rather than running away from the world, we are transformed for ministry to the world. How? In solitude we realize that nothing human is alien to us, that the roots of all conflict, war, injustice cruelty, hatred, jealousy, and envy are deeply anchored in our own heart. We lose all forms of judgmentalism, and put on the clothes of compassion instead, because apart from God’s grace, we are all the same. We stop evaluating others and judging others. Instead, we become compassionate. According to Nouwen, compassion is the fruit of solitude and the basis of all ministry. Solitude molds self-righteous people into gentle, caring, forgiving persons who are so deeply convinced of their own great sinfulness and so fully aware of God’s even greater mercy that their life itself becomes ministry. In such a ministry there is hardly any difference left between doing and being.

Instead of being so concerned about wanting to make an impact through our ministry with quick solutions and program after program, our ministry flows from who we are through our compassion. He says, ‘As busy, active, relevant ministers, we want to earn our bread by making a real contribution. This means first and foremost doing something to show that our presence makes a difference. And so we ignore our greatest gift, which is our ability to enter into solidarity with those who suffer.’ Will we enter into solitude to experience God’s transformation? Will we allow God to work in our solitude to turn our ministries dictated by compulsions into ministries flowing out of compassion? It will be a tough struggle, just as Jesus struggled with the temptations to be relevant, spectacular and powerful in the desert. But without such a desert we will lose our own soul while preaching the gospel to others.

It's back!!

I was getting restless. Less than an hour to go. Dinner was ready and it was time to eat. I went and joined my parents and Agnes for dinner. Thanks mom for the curry chicken, crab, lala and taufu that you cooked! But my mind was elsewhere… I was listening to the TV. Occasionally, I ran out to watch a few minutes of it. I had just finished my dinner and went upstairs to join my dad in the TV room when it finally began… yes – the English Premier League is back!! After almost 3 months of waiting! A new season is here! Hours and hours of football every weekend! Hooray! Ruud and Wayne opened the scoring to mark the opening of the new season. Man United 2 – 0 Everton. Good start.

When Will We See Blue Skies Again?

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderf… *Ack! Cough! Cough! Aarrrgghhh!!!!

And the pervasive haze announces its arrival in Penang. I saw clear, blue skies in the morning. We breathed fresh air for the first time in more than a week when we arrived in Penang just a few hours before. Agnes and I thought we could escape the haze in Selangor, where an emergency had been declared in two areas just last night. We were wrong. We were badly mistaken. Now the haze had arrived. Misery… disappointment… anger at the bleeping Indons! When will this end!?

Hazy Days

The haze is getting really bad. I can smell it even in an air-conditioned office. I can smell it even in my car. I almost can’t see the next building outside. I foresee that there will be an increase of lung-cancer cases in Malaysia in the following decades! Feels like we’re smoking 24 hours a day! Cough! Cough! Gim Han posted a very interesting article on his blog about Indonesia’s Mega Rice Project. I think it’s possible that this failure of a project could have been a major cause of the haze each year as peat fires continue to burn underground. Pak Lah’s cabinet finally decides to release the Air Pollution Index information to the public after 8 years of cover-ups. Thanks Pak Lah for making a stand on transparency in the government. A Prime Minister with principles! The satellite image from NASA tells it all. The wonders of remote sensing! I love this research!

Then the news came. MMU Cyberjaya will be closed for 2 days. Holiday!!! Well, I’d rather be here in the office in the air-conditioned room. I think I might still come to work tomorrow. And there’s still so much work to do. Then news began to trickle in about hailstones falling in Subang and other parts of KL. Interesting… I wonder if it has any connection to the haze.

I had a nice dinner with Agnes tonight at Café Ceylon Hill. Happy birthday Agnes!

The School of Hard Knocks

A friend of mine recently shared about some of his reflections during his convocation. According to him, university has been one of the most rewarding times in his life. It was in university where he learnt a lot about God and people. It’s always nice to hear testimonies like these. I felt the same way too when I completed my bachelor’s degree at MMU. It was in university where my spiritual growth curve shot sky-high. I never grew that much as a Christian in my entire life until I reached university. I believe that it is the same for many Christians. For a lot of students, spiritual formation occurs in their journey through university life, away from their parents, serving and leading in the CF, going through struggles in their relationships and studies, wrestling with the issues of faith as they become exposed to Christians of different denominations and backgrounds, mixing with all kinds of people… but it is also in university where many Christians lose their faith as well. Vincent Pee, the speaker in CF tonight, touched on it. By the time they go into the working world, the number of faithful followers of Christ would have been reduced to less than half of the original number.

This is one of the reasons why I feel that student ministry is so critical. This is my passion – that students will leave the university empowered and equipped to serve God, the church and the world; with a faith that would have gone through the school of hard knocks and survived with a story to tell. Of course, as our dear PhD in Bluffology was quick to point out yesterday, our schooling days do not end there. We continue to learn from ‘the greatest school of all – LIFE!’ The words of Stanley Grenz in the epilogue of his book ‘Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom’ echoes these thoughts. He talks about prayer, but it is true for everything in life. The road goes ever on and on…

The journey of discovering the work of prayer is never-ending. This pilgrimage is a life-long journey. For this reason, our goal ought to be that of allowing prayer to be a lifelong pursuit. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: the Cry for the Kingdom

We can be launched into the life of prayer as we seek to continually be conscious of the needs of others. [It] requires that we be continually conscious of prayer, so that prayer becomes a part of our entire life… by making all of life a conversation with God. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: the Cry for the Kingdom

Although God does intervene directly in our world, answers to prayer do not always come in dramatic and miraculous ways. God is also at work in natural processes. Prayer can release us to see this, insofar as prayer transforms our own attitude and outlook. Through prayer, we can catch a sense of the awesome and awe-inspiring presence of God even within the mundane, natural flow of life. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: the Cry for the Kingdom

Ah… I hear tiny echoes of Thomas Merton and Henri Nouwen here… time for another forage into the realm of contemplative prayer. My next book: ‘The Way of the Heart’ by Henri J. M. Nouwen, one of my favorite authors!

After the books have been read and the principles have been understood, we are left with the task of launching out into the unknown. It is there, however, that God waits, beckoning us to embark on the exciting adventure of prayer. For prayer is one significant means whereby we become partners with God in bringing the kingdom of God, which is the future of the world, into the circumstances of life in the present. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: the Cry for the Kingdom

What we can say ABOUT prayer is of little consequence: what matters is what we say IN prayer. ~ Karl Rahner

The Gift of Friendship

This week has definitely been a wonderful one. God has blessed me with the chance to meet many of the friends that I’ve made in MMU, from the Sarawak mission team members on Thursday, to my CF friends at the convocation in Malacca, to my ex-CG members in SK, friends from Putera Aman Assembly (my former church), and current Bible study friends for the steamboat/bbq buffet tonight. I thank God that He has blessed me so much by bringing all our lives together at different stages in our life-journey. These friends have played a very big part in my life. Many of them have had a profound influence on me, sometimes even without us realizing it. I hope that I’ve been an instrument of God’s blessing to them too. They’ve been there when I needed a listening ear; they’ve been there for me in the times when I’ve been sick or discouraged; they’ve been my support and accountability partners through my four years in university; they’ve been fellow servants serving our Lord together; they’ve been my church and my community of faith. I thank God for these wonderful brothers and sisters of mine! I know that there are many people in the world who are not as fortunate as many of us in this regard.

I haven’t been all that good towards them though. Many a time, I have taken them for granted. And for that I have to apologize. Sometimes I haven’t been a good friend in return. I often fail to love them and care for them as much as myself. I fail to serve them and let pride take over. Many of us have moved on from there and some of us keep in touch less often nowadays. I guess it’s inevitable. We move in and out of each other’s lives. People move in and out of our lives. We still do keep in touch once in awhile, but things will never be the same again. We can only be grateful for those fleeting moments when our lives became entwined. They are moments to treasure… moments to remember, because such moments may be gone in the blink of an eye, and they may never come back again.

The steamboat/bbq buffet dinner was a sort of farewell for Adrian aka Tehka. We met about 4 years ago, when we moved into the same apartment. He’s been a really good friend and brother. I’ve had the privilege to witness God working in his life since his conversion about 3 years ago (if I’m not mistaken). Not only that, I’ve seen God working through him in many circumstances in reaching out to others, in sharing the love of God with those who are lonely, in serving all of us. Indeed his life has been an encouragement and inspiration to me and many around him. Thanks Tehka for being a great friend and brother! I wish you all the best in Penang! May you find a church that you can call home. May your parents learn about the love of Jesus through your life. May you find a good wife too, God willing!! It’s been a great 4 years knowing you. We’ll still be keeping in touch!

Abba Father, I thank you that You planned for us to be in a community. You did not want us to be alone, and this community of love is a glimpse of your kingdom come. Thank you for the blessings of friendship. Help me not to take them for granted.

To the Class of '05

It’s convocation time again. Malacca will be packed with visitors from all over Malaysia, all trying to cram into this little state to watch their relatives and friends wear dark robes and funny hats. I went down to Malacca with Katherine, Jane’nette, Tehka and Brendan. So my juniors are graduating. Congrats to all you graduates of 2005! Hope you enjoy working! Mondays will be so much more meaningful now… It actually rained this time around. We even took photographs in the rain! It was nice to meet some of my friends whom I had not seen for quite awhile. We had chicken rice balls for lunch, except that half of the rice that was served were not rice balls at all. According to the shop owners, they couldn’t produce enough rice balls on time.



I’m reminded of a song called ‘Class of ‘95’ by Wayne Watson that I heard many years ago. He wrote this song for his son who was graduating from school. I dedicate it to all my recently graduated friends (I’ve changed ’95 to ’05!)!

Every tree is green again in the wood out my back door

Every spring that scene, again, faithful coming as before

And every living thing is sure with time to come of age

Just like girls and boys outgrowing toys

And reach to turn the page

So this is what I bargained for:

Hushed hello and a rushed goodbye

Old folks said I'd be amazed at how quickly time would fly

Even so, I'm thankful that my God saw fit to lend

This child into my unworthy hands

Who's less a child now and more a friend

I could pray the road would rise to meet you

And that the wind would blow softly on you soul

But sometimes life can sure mistreat you

And troubled times will take their toll

and so the best that I can wish you

No, even better, some good, I will pray

that the Lord in mercy keeps you

and that you hold on to your childlike faith

To the class of '05

Congratulations are in line

God has surely been most faithful

He's been so much more than kind

So get ready to test your wings

And fly away, but when you do

Just remember you are loved

And somebody here is always praying for you

Discernment of the divine will comes through persistent prayer in that such prayer provides the space in which the Holy Spirit can bring about changes in the content of our petitions. Through this kind of prayer, the Spirit is able to illumine our minds and redirect the desires of our hearts. When God’s answer is not forthcoming, persistent prayer emerges as a conversation with God, or perhaps a dialogue with God’s silence. We might describe such prayer in even stronger terms as a struggle to know God’s ways and then to affirm God’s plan. When this struggle gives way to clarity regarding God’s purposes, we come away from the experience with a greater awareness of who God is and a deepened relationship with God whom we serve. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

Prayer that occurs in solitude reaches outward to the communal prayer that we should share together. At the same time, our participation together in communal prayer lays the foundation for the praying that we do alone. Indeed, even in the solitude of our private prayer chamber we continue to say ‘Our Father’. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

Prayer must always be addressed to God, never to others. Therefore, avoid the temptation to pray ‘for the benefit of’ those who are silently listening. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

In the Company of Big-shots

Launching of the Malaysian Centre for Remote Sensing (MACRES) headquarters in KL and the satellite ground receiving station in Temerloh. Deputy Prime Minister was there. Minister of Science and Technology and Innovation was there. Mahathir Lokman was there too. Video-conferencing with Temerloh, Pahang. Very high security. Lot’s of press people were around. And lot’s of freebies for me! Managed to see the early developments of the tsunami early-warning system. Listened to all those big-shots talk about the rice-monitoring project that I’ve been involved in. I didn’t stay around for the free food though. Went back for dinner with Agnes. I also got a new hair-cut! I’m bald now!

The gospel is not only directed to the reconciliation of individual human beings with God. Its goal includes reconciliation within the human family and between humankind and creation. For this reason, the task of the people of God in partnership with the Holy Spirit entails the advancement of God’s rule in the realms of social justice and ecology. These are also central to the kingdom of God. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

The Spirit’s goal is not merely to bring us to see the discrepancy between our present reality and God’s future ideal. Rather, through prayer, the Spirit renews in us a longing for the coming kingdom of God, a longing that leads us to desire the in-breaking of the future into the present. And by means of prayer, the Spirit brings us to the place where we are willing to commit ourselves to positive engagement in our world as agents of God’s transformation of society in accordance with the ideal of the future kingdom. In prayer, we are strengthened for service, renewed in faith, and empowered to engage in kingdom work within our fallen and sinful world. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

Prayer becomes not only the struggle to discern God’s will but also the struggle to become willing to obey it when God chooses to reveal it to us. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

Missions Training and Steamboat

The undergraduate students are having their holidays at the moment, so no CF and Bible study this week. Instead, I had to help conduct some training sessions for the CF team that would be heading out for a mission trip to Pahang. They will be visiting some 'Orang Asli's over there. This was my first time conducting training sessions of this nature. I wasn’t really too keen on it at first. Three nights of sessions! And what do I know about missions anyway? But in the end, I believe it was a good learning experience for me. And God blessed me by bringing this bunch of great people into my life, half of them whom I didn’t really know until then!

We touched on cross-culture and preparing testimonies on Tuesday night, and then moved on to group dynamics on the second day. We had a really special session then as some of the group members began to share what they really felt about the whole thing. I was blessed with the opportunity to witness God bringing a rag-tag group of people who didn’t really know each other and turn them into a team in these few days. It’s interesting to see that God provided all the different gifts to each of them that were required to balance the group. The whole group is interesting as well; not the usual outstanding CF people, but rather those who have been in the background most of the time. It’s great to see them getting involved! I can’t wait for them to come back and tell their stories! On the last session today, I shared about Peter’s experience stepping out of the boat to meet Jesus on the water in Matthew 14. I’ve always loved this passage. It reminds us each time as we leave our comfort zones to meet Jesus in a new adventure, that we need to always fix our eyes on Jesus, rather than focus on the winds. It is a good reminder too, that Jesus is always there to catch us if ever we start sinking, and that failures will always be another lesson in our faith journey. We then washed each other’s feet as we prayed for one another. This is a reminder that we have been called to serve (something I learnt from Pastor Joanne as she sent us off on our last mission trip to Sarawak!).

I managed to join the Sarawak 05 Mission team members for the steamboat buffet dinner! My meeting with my boss was canceled today so we could bring the last session forward. I wonder if God intended for me to go and join them there!

When we hear that prayer must be offered in accordance with God’s will, our initial response might be to assume that the crucial aspect has to do with what we ask for. To focus first on our petitions, however, is to put the cart before the horse. Rather than what we say, our first concern ought to be who we are. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

At times, we claim that we are concerned for God’s glory, God’s kingdom, and the welfare of others, but in fact our motivation is pure selfishness. When this occurs, prayer becomes hypocritical. We might continue to follow the proper prayer routine and even speak the right words. Nevertheless, the motivation that drives us to pray is not the desire that God’s rule be present in the here and now. In such prayers we give only lip service that the kingdom break into the present. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

We sometimes ask God to accomplish in our midst what we in fact should be doing ourselves. Uncooperative prayer – petitioning God while being unwilling to get involved – is ultimately ineffective. Prayer must be accompanied by cooperation, by a willingness to be engaged in the process of answering our requests. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

On Health Concerns and Petitionary Prayer

I’ve been quite concerned about some health related problems lately. I suspected that there was blood in my urine, so I went for a urine test last week. It’s possible that I may have kidney stones again, since I do have a history of it. I’ve also discovered a hard lump on my palm. I have no idea what it is, but reading some medical websites online enlightened me on some of the possibilities. I went to get the urine test results after the missions training, and it turned up negative. There was no blood at all. I asked the doctor about the lump and he said it was nothing serious; that I could just leave it that way. It’s supposed to be some ‘tendon ganglion’ or something. Maybe I’ll get a second opinion another time. I thank God everything’s ok… for now at least! I’ve been praying about it.

I also find that I’ve been praying more often recently; for friends, the mission team, pastors in Sarawak, the CF, for our nation… I guess it’s good. There are still occasions where I feel too lazy to pray. I still miss one or two days of the NECF program occasionally. Or sometimes I just run through them quickly without thinking much or praying much. I still enjoy communing with God in contemplative prayer very much though. In my mind, I still elevate such prayers above petitionary prayers (still trying hard to swallow what Stanley Grenz says about what the Bible says about petitionary prayer!). I’m still working on this discipline of petitionary prayer! I’m also still trying not to use too many ‘still’s in this paragraph! May God give this lazy and selfish pig here the strength to overcome laziness to intercede for himself and others!

Petition [can] be seen as an expression of our realization that we are dependent on God. Petitionary prayer, therefore, is in part the struggle to admit our dependence. It is the struggle to overcome our human blindness and pride. It is the struggle to realize and acknowledge our deep need. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

Many contemporary Christians are no longer convinced that we should picture God in heaven passively waiting for the opportunity to intervene in the world in response to human prayer. Equally difficult to affirm is the seemingly opposite understanding of prayer that presupposes an immutable God whose fixed plan is completely unaffected and undeterred by human petition. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

We do not pray with the idea that we are going to alter what God has decided to perform; we pray in order that we may obtain what he has decided shall come about precisely through our prayers. ~ St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica

Ultimately, prayer’s effectiveness is an outworking of God’s own sovereign decision regarding the coming to be of his program in the world. En route to the return of Christ, which will mark God’s final and highest assertion of sovereign rulership over the universe, God has seen fit to involve us in the enactment of the divine program. Of course, God exercises providential care, ordering the actions of humankind to serve the purposes of His plan. But at the same time, God invites human beings to participate in the coming to pass of God’s program. God invites humans to become partners in the divine program by working, by evangelizing, by being Christians in the world – and also by praying. In this way, God gives the kingdom to the world. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

The Nature of Christian Prayer

Here are some thoughts from Stanley J. Grenz and others from his book ‘Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom’. I think it’s been quite helpful so far, because I am one of those whom Stanley Grenz refers to as ‘people who put contemplative prayer above petitionary prayer’. I would like to give a little more thought to these quotes today. As part of the NECF prayer program, we have been asked to pray for our Prime Minister today. Indeed, he is a man with godly values. And I agree that it’s time we thank God for him! I think he must be going through a tough time now, with the AP issue being unresolved and blowing out of proportion lately. May God give him the courage to do what is right, the strength to carry on, and the wisdom the make the right decisions. May God’s justice come, may His will be done.

Our prayers wake us up to what God is doing all the time and everywhere. And then they make us participants from right where we are. ~ Eugene H. Peterson, foreword to Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

‘Heavenly’, when used of God as father is a description of priorities, not primarily of location. ‘Heavenly’ points not to where God is but to how much more God is than earthly fathers. ‘Heavenly’ refers to the extra of God as father which goes beyond our experiences of earthly fatherhood. ~ David Willis, Daring Prayer

To pray in the name of Jesus involves praying in the place of Jesus. By using Jesus’ name we are declaring that the prayer we are voicing is what Jesus would pray if he himself were speaking. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

Just as the petition ‘Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven’ formed the heart of Jesus’ praying, so also in every situation the petitions of Jesus’ friends ought to be a cry for the in-breaking of God’s rulership, God’s will, into our world. Gabriel Daly’s remark is surely correct: ‘Every truly Christian prayer of petition is, implicitly at least, a request that the Kingdom may come.’ In short, like Jesus’ own prayer, Christian prayer is ultimately a cry for the kingdom. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

Many Christian teachers suggest that as believers mature, their prayers move away from the ‘beggarly’ activity of asking God to intervene in human situations and to provide for human needs. These teachers imply that Christians who are truly mature replace petitionary prayer with the desire simply to ‘be with’ or ‘commune with’ God. The widely enjoined emphasis on communion with God elevates adoration and thanksgiving above petition. Yet the New Testament writers seem to move in another direction. The Scriptures indicate that the Christian ought never to ‘mature’ beyond petitionary prayer. The mature spiritual person never outgrows the need to bring requests to God. ~ Stanley Grenz, Prayer: The Cry for the Kingdom

YHWH is God

Something that I realized after we completed the study of the book of Joel is this: When Agnes (who was leading the study) got each of us to list down what we could learn about God’s attributes and character through this minor prophet, we could just list down so many of them. All of them represented different aspects of God. But what was interesting was that many of these attributes couldn’t match very well. We cannot classify and merge them to form a whole without some ‘contradictions’. In Joel, we see a God who is merciful and relents from sending harm, yet does not hold back from destroying the wicked. We see a God who is generous in pouring out His blessings, but who also marches onward in the destruction of nations. We see a God of love, a God of justice; and we also see a God who shows favoritism towards the Jews. We see a God who can be gentle at times, but scary at other times. Why? How? We don’t know. Yet, this is the God Whom we worship; a God that cannot be pinned down, classified, and studied like an insect; a God that is wild and free beyond our imaginations; a God who astounds and surprises; a God that we cannot fully grasp in our finite wisdom; a God that refuses to come under our control, to fit into our neat formulas, to allow us to put into a box; a God who is so much greater than we think He is; a God who is so much greater than the words that we use to describe Him. This is our God. This is the God Whom we worship. Indeed, ‘Joel’ is a very fitting name, not just for the prophet who carried God’s message, but for the whole book: YHWH is God…