End of the Road

Imagine driving down an old, winding trunk road, with a big truck right in front of you. You want to go faster, but you can’t. And all of a sudden, the truck grinds to a halt and you are forced to stop. You wonder how long it will be before the truck moves again. You wonder if you should turn back and take that exit you passed 5 hours ago. You feel like giving up on the entire journey to just go home.

This is how I feel about my Masters research at the moment. Dead end. Should I take another road, using another method? Or should I just give up and go home… to Penang? I don’t feel like thinking about it now. Not today. I’ll just prepare for the wrap-up on the book of Joshua for Bible study tonight and forget about it for now…

In Loving Memory...

The Kingdom of Heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour until all of it was leavened (Matthew 13:34)

Ten years ago, Grandma returned home… after more than a year of battling with leukemia. She did not have many relatives (in fact, when she passed away, her only relatives were her husband, children and grandchildren), she did not have many possessions, she did not have much education; she came into the world with nothing, and left with nothing much of material worth behind. But she left a legacy.

Her selfless and sacrificial love for others was the one thing that everyone she knew saw in her. Though she was despised by many out of jealousy, even hit by her mother in law while pregnant, she chose to suffer in silence. Even near her end, she chose to bear her pain in silence, never wanting to cause her children any worry. For the sake of family unity, she would always choose to take the blame for every little dispute, pointing the finger at herself even when it had nothing to do with her at all. That was how she protected her children.

Having read Pastor Sivin Kit’s article in the FES newsletter on Jesus’ parable likening the Kingdom of God to yeast that is invisible but which works its way through the dough, I couldn’t help thinking how Grandma was a perfect example of the parable. She had no form of theological education or training, she never much served in any church ministry and she was never one who was very popular in church, but she fulfilled her responsibilities as a wife, mother and grandmother as best she could. She would do the house chores, even when she was ill. She would sacrifice her own well-being for the comfort of others. She would serve everyone she knew… even the house maid! And through her, the Kingdom of God broke into the family and into the world. Now, her legacy lives on – in her children and grandchildren who have been witnesses to her selfless love. I see the same kind of love in my own father and in my aunts. And though I fail on countless occasions, I hope to be like her one day…

I was told by Dad and my aunts that I had been her favorite grandchild. With both my parents working, she was the one who took care of me when I was young. I remember faintly her stroking my eyebrows to put me to sleep, fetching me back from school and occasionally to the barber. I still keep the toy dinosaur that she gave me a year before she died. My Dad even told me that my grandma loved me more than even he or my mom could. Of the little that she owned, the most valuable was a jade ring. Before she died, she gave the ring to my aunt to be kept, so that it would be passed to me when I grew older…

In loving memory of my grandma, Kuan Yuet Ngor, who passed away on 18 February 1996

The Mountain of Silence

My own journey through 'the Mountain of silence’ has been quite different from that of Kyriacos Markides, who wrote this book. In it, he shares some of his conversations with Father Maximos, a wise Greek Orthodox monk, as well as some of his own experiences in a monastery in Cyprus as he continues on the journey homeward to his childhood faith which he had abandoned as a social scientist. The book ends with his own reflections on Eastern Christianity while comparing it to the Western version which ironically most of us Asians have inherited through Roman Catholicism and Protestantism; and details his visit to Mount Athos in Greece, one of the holiest sites in Eastern Orthodoxy, home to thousands of hermits and monks from all over the world.

I found the book to be quite an interesting introduction to the Eastern Orthodox Church, with a lot of dialogue on issues that Western rationalism (and even Western Christianity itself) may consider very bizarre e.g. encounters with early Christian saints, Mary, and even Jesus himself, time warps, and physical attacks by demons. Along with these are unfamiliar thoughts e.g. positive and negative energies, hell as a temporary place, hermits, breathing exercises, and chants (I couldn’t help comparing some of these experiences to the Eastern mystical religions and the modern charismatic movement!). Two points particularly stood out for me throughout the book.

One of them is the mystical side of Christianity, which the Western world attempted to snuff out in the post-Enlightenment era but seems to be making a comeback through the charismatic movement. I have been quick to reject much of this side of Christianity due to my unhelpful experiences with Charismatic churches, much to the detriment of my own spirituality as a Christian. Having such biased feelings towards the Charismatic Church (which I admit is a failure on my part), I thank God for the more healthy respect that I have for Eastern Orthodoxy, which I hope will help me get rid of those biases and lead me back to a more balanced faith by bringing together the mystical and the rational, as well as help me to appreciate the Charismatic Movement more. Kyriacos Markides sums it all up wonderfully:

That in fact both the Hesychast approach to God on one hand and the philosophical approach to God on the other may be two sides of the same Christian coin. One dominant in the East and the other dominant in the West. Christianity, has two lungs. One is western, meaning rational and philosophical, and the other Eastern, meaning mystical and otherworldly. Both are needed for proper breathing.

He also quotes Gregory Palamas, a 14th century monk and Saint:

The theology that is based on intellectual constructs and not on the direct experience of God is philosophy and not theology. It is a human creation that offers neither real knowledge of God nor peace to the heart

The second point is Eastern Christianity’s emphasis on humility and submission to authority, which both go hand in hand. Father Maximos couldn’t stress enough on it. It is the pathway to experiencing God’s grace. Every monk must submit to his elder, even if the elder may be misusing his power or asking the monk to do something foolish. The monks look at it as part of their own spiritual training. Humility is the test of true sainthood. I realize my own folly in criticizing certain churches (or church leaders) whenever I have disagreed with them. My disregard for church authority (or any other form of authority) is just a sign of pride and my own spiritual immaturity.

First, you must always consider others wiser and better than yourself, and second, you must never take credit for whatever achievements you may attain but attribute everything to the Grace of God. ~ Father Maximos

As Aporetic mentioned in his comments, there is much that we can learn from Eastern Christianity.

My Friend the Poet

Words
Convey meanings
But when chosen carefully
And weaved together with a little twist, turn and twirl
Become a masterpiece
A garden of wondrous delights
Sweeping one across
Deserts wild and harsh
Valleys green and lush
Mountains high and lofty
Oceans dark and deep

Like the wind that travels the world
Exploring every nook and cranny
Every cave hidden behind a waterfall
Every forgotten ruin crumbling in ancient forests
To bring back tales of wonder and mystery
It tells the story of every human heart
Tugging at the souls of those who really listen
And who gaze into the soul of
The master behind the masterpiece

To my friend the poet, whose masterpieces continue to stir, inspire and move.

More from the East

A few more interesting quotes from Father Maximos in 'The Mountain of Silence' by Kyriacos Markides:

We must never see our fellow human beings as anything other than the image of God

As a form of spiritual practice we must learn not to allow the episodes in our lives to go by unnoticed. By that I don’t mean that we should focus on the tragedies and difficulties that we encounter and make them appear more bleak than they already are, leading us to despair and depression. Rather, we must realize that whatever happens to us unfolds within the infinite ocean of God’s mercy and compassion.

Don’t live with illusions. Our notions of justice are different from God’s.

God becomes manifest at the end stage of an excruciating patience. At that ultimate point when the person has no more capacity for endurance, God may make His appearance.

The Efche

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Simple… yet profoundly meaningful. This prayer, used by many Eastern Orthodox Christians over the ages, is supposed to help keep one’s mind focused on God at all times. So I tried praying it a few times – on my way back from Ipoh, and whenever it came to mind. I can say that it helps me to be aware of God as I went about my tasks. It reminds me of who I am - a sinner in need of God’s mercy and grace; yet someone who calls Jesus ‘Lord’ and who needs to live like he means it.

Good Conversation on the Cartoons

There's a good conversation going on at Imran Anwar's blog on the controversial cartoons issue. Good post and comments from the Muslim perspective over there...

Meanwhile, the situation seems to be worsening as deaths and injuries have been reported all around the world in the riots. Even South East Asia has not been spared...

Suffering in Silence

In the last few days, local newspapers and international websites have been following the events surrounding the publication of sensitive cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad by the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten. Other newspapers have unwisely reprinted the cartoons, much to the anger and disgust of millions of Muslims worldwide. Reaction from the Muslim world has been swift and extensive. Muslim leaders, including our own Prime Minister have condemned the irresponsible act. In the streets, many Muslims have taken to rioting and the torching of embassies. Some countries have even resorted to economical sanctions to block off Danish and Norwegian products.

Having quite a few Muslim friends, I can understand their reaction to such an insensitive act. I wonder if those responsible for it were aware of the global impact it would have. Maybe they underestimated the consequences. I myself am surprised by the effects of this small cartoon. And the world changed because of it. It definitely wasn’t for the better.

Reflecting on this little incident that sparked worldwide outrage, I realized that not for the first time, Muslims all over the world have stood up for one another when they have been treated unjustly. The mishandling of Iraqi prisoners, the discrimination of Muslims in Western countries after September 11, and the banning of the ‘tudung’ in certain countries have sparked similar outrage. Though some of these reactions have gone overboard in my opinion, the fact is that Muslims worldwide do not remain silent over such issues.

I then wondered why Christians have chosen to remain silent when their brothers and sisters in another country are constantly being persecuted. Christians have mostly remained silent when others have blasphemed against and criticized their Lord. Insulting caricatures of Jesus Christ get published all the time. Imagine if Hollywood decided to make a movie out of a Muslim version of ‘The da Vinci Code’. Imagine if a mosque was burnt down (or bombed) in a Western Country. What a difference it will make in terms of the reactions it will generate! Why aren’t there similar reactions worldwide from the Christians? What would MY reaction be to such issues?

I thought of our Lord Jesus Christ as he stood trial before Pilate. False accusations were made against him. The crowds laughed and scorned. But He did not speak a word to defend Himself. Instead, He chose the way of the cross… to suffer in silence. He saw no need to defend Himself, and He does not need us to defend His name for Him. This is the paradox of Christianity. We have been called to stand up for justice in the world. Yet we have also been called to follow Him in our suffering… to suffer in silence… to pray for those who persecute us… and to forgive those who’ve done wrong against us. Our God will vindicate us when the time comes. For now, we will continue to remain silent. To reconcile these seeming opposites (standing up for justice vs. suffering in silence) in our daily lives will be a tough struggle.

Wisdom from Eastern Christianity

[In our modern day thinking,] every act, every person, is judged on the basis of their utility and contribution to the whole. Based on our spiritual tradition I prefer to see human beings first and foremost in terms of who they are and only after that in terms of their contribution to society. Otherwise we run the risk of turning people into machines that produce useful things. I am afraid that with this orientation, contemporary humanity has undermined the inherent value of the human person. Today we value ourselves in terms of how much we contribute rather than in terms of who we are. ~ Father Maximos

The way to know God is neither through philosophy nor through experimental science but through systematic methods of spiritual practice that could open us up to the grace of the Holy Spirit. Only then can we have a taste of the Divine, a firsthand, experiential knowledge of the Creator. Otherwise, we remain stuck on the level of mere beliefs and ideologies. ~ Father Maximos