Monday, February 28, 2005

Troubled over What Lies Ahead

This morning, I woke up feeling troubled. I believe it is because of what lies ahead for me. I have a presentation coming up soon for the Center of Applied Electromagnetics (CAEM) where I am supposed to talk about my research. I also have to share about leadership in CF next week. I am not the kind of person who likes to be in the spotlight, so I do have a certain apprehension for public speaking.

Anyway, I have no choice for the CAEM presentation, as we take turns to present. I did have a choice for the sharing in CF. Leona asked me if I would like to be in charge of the activity for the AGM. I accepted it willingly. Now what have I done?! I could have avoided all these troubles and worries if I had just rejected it! Then again, I think this is a great opportunity for me to learn to preach and gain some experience in this area. Annette was talking about how I should grab opportunities to equip myself as an advisor by speaking more and going for workshops and training of such nature. Well, here comes my first training session!

Maybe I should thank God for this opportunity. Maybe I should not focus so much on what others will think of my sharing. Maybe I should not compare my sharing with those of other speakers. Maybe I should seek God’s approval more than the approval of men. Maybe I should trust God more. Maybe I should be more concerned about passing on God’s message rather than about how good my sharing is going to be. Maybe.

A man who is not stripped and poor and naked within his own soul will unconsciously tend to do the works he has to do for his own sake rather than for the glory of God. He will be virtuous not because he loves God’s will but because he wants to admire his own virtues. But every moment of the day will bring him some frustration that will make him bitter and impatient and in his impatience he will be discovered.

He has planned to do spectacular things. He cannot conceive himself without a halo. And when the events of his daily life keep reminding him of his own insignificance and mediocrity, he is ashamed, and his pride refuses to swallow a truth at which no sane man should be surprised.

Even the professionally pious, and sometimes the pious most of all, can waste their time in competition with one another, in which nothing is found but misery. ~ Thomas Merton

Sunday, February 27, 2005

More from New Seeds of Contemplation

A tree gives glory to God by being a tree. For in being what God means it to be it is obeying Him. It ‘consents’, so to speak, to His creative love. It is expressing an idea which is in God and which is not distinct from the essence of God, and therefore a tree imitates God by being a tree. The more a tree is like itself, the more it is like Him. If it tried to be like something else which it was never intended to be, it would be less like God and therefore it would give Him less glory.

No two created beings are alike. And their individuality is no imperfection. On the contrary, the perfection of each created thing is not merely in its conformity to an abstract type but in its own individual identity with itself. This particular tree will give glory to God by spreading out its roots in the earth and raising its branches into the air and the light in a way that no other tree before or after it ever did or will do.

The special, clumsy beauty of this particular colt on this April day in this field under these clouds is a holiness consecrated to God by His own creative wisdom and it declares the glory of God. This leaf has its own texture and its own pattern of veins and its own holy shape, and the bass and trout hiding in the deep pools of the river are canonized by their beauty and their strength. The lakes hidden among the hills are saints, and the sea too is a saint who praises God without interruption in her majestic dance. The great, gashed, half-naked mountain is another of God’s saints. There is no other like him. He is alone in his own character; nothing else in the world ever did or ever will imitate God in quite the same way. That is his sanctity.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Thomas Merton and the New Seeds of Contemplation


Recently, I find myself being fascinated by some of the Christian classics written by the early Christian fathers and mystics. Now I have begun reading this book called ‘The New Seeds of Contemplation’ by Thomas Merton, a Trappist monk who lived during the early nineties. After reading through five chapters or so, I find that there are so many spiritual insights in this book that can only come from a person who has spent much time meditating and pondering on God. I think these kinds of writings are becoming more and more a rarity nowadays with the advent of the Church Inc. where so much emphasis is placed on action rather than passion. We as Christians are now so caught up with busyness and the work of the church organization that we have lost the art of contemplation and silent reflection. On the other hand, I also think that separating ourselves from the world and living the life of the hermit to pursue God does not honor the fact that God has sent us into the world. Yet, writings such as those of Thomas Merton have inspired millions all over the world with their profound wisdom and insights.

So much depends on our idea of God! Yet no idea of Him, no matter how pure and perfect, is adequate to express Him as He really is. Our idea of God tells us more about ourselves than of Him.

For it is God’s love that warms me in the sun and God’s love that sends the cold rain. It is God’s love that feeds me in the bread I eat and God that feeds me also by hunger and fasting. It is the love of God that sends the winter days when I am cold and sick, and the hot summer when I labor and my clothes are full of sweat: but it is God Who breathes on me with light winds off the river and in the breezes out of the wood. His love spreads the shade of the sycamore over my head and sends the water-boy along the edge of the wheat field with a bucket from the spring, while the laborers are resting and the mules stand under the tree. It is God’s love that speaks to me in the birds and streams; but also behind of the clamor of the city God speaks to me in His judgments, and all these things are seeds sent to me from His will.

My chief care should not be to find pleasure or success, health or life or money or rest or even things like virtue and wisdom - still less their opposites, pain, failure, sickness, death. But in all that happens, my one desire and my one joy should be to know: “Here is the thing that God has willed for me. In this His love is found, and in accepting this I can give back His love to Him and give myself with it to Him. For in giving myself I shall find Him and He is life everlasting.”

How am I to know the will of God? Even where there is no other more explicit claim on my obedience, such as a legitimate command, the very nature of each situation usually bears written into itself some indication of God’s will. For whatever is demanded by truth, by justice, by mercy, or by love must surely be taken to be willed by God. To consent to His will is, then, to consent to be true, or to speak truth, or at least to seek it. To obey Him is to respond to His will expressed in the need of another person, or at least to respect the rights of others.

The requirements of a work to be done can be understood as the will of God. If I am supposed to hoe a garden or make a table, then I will be obeying God if I am true to the task I am performing. To do the work carefully and well, with love and respect for the nature of my task and with due attention to its purpose, is to unite myself to God’s will in my work.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Walking Down Old Roads...

I enjoy the feeling of nostalgia every time I look back at the past. I believe that who we are and where we are heading now is shaped by the experiences that God has allowed us to go through. There is this inexpressible feeling of fond appreciation for the experiences that I have gone through when I sift through these memories. It makes me regret that I did not begin writing a journal much sooner. I rue the loss of wonderful, key moments in my life due to the passage of time and unreliable memories. As Thomas Merton wrote in his book ‘The New Seeds of Contemplation’:-

Every moment and every event of every man’s life on earth plants something in his soul. For just as the wind carries thousands of winged seeds, so each moment brings with it germs of spiritual vitality that come to rest imperceptibly in the minds and wills of men. Most of these unnumbered seeds perish and are lost, because men are not prepared to receive them: for such seeds as these cannot spring up anywhere except in the good soil of freedom, spontaneity and love.

Today I decided to look back at some of the committee e-mails which I chose not to delete from my inbox. Along with other notes of encouragement from each other, they are the last shred of physical evidence that I was ever in the CF committee. I’m glad I saved some of them, so that they can serve as old signposts and reminders of the things we went through together as a committee. What touched me the most was the way God brought us together not just as a group of people working together, but as a community. Yes, there were conflicts; there were misunderstandings. Yet, now when I look back at the e-mails, I can feel a sense of belonging in the words that we used. The words express a relationship that goes far beyond simply that of a committee. They are words that speak of friendship, of brotherhood, and of a people bonded together by one mission.

As I approached the final few e-mails that we received from one another, I couldn’t help but be brought back to those beautiful moments when we realized that those would be the last mails we were sending to one another as the committee. It was a time of separation and transition, when some of us would be leaving while the rest would remain. There were also new committee members coming in to the group. New life was born. It was a time of sadness and pain for the separation that we would experience, yet there is joy for the new life in the committee.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

The Call, the Question, the Task, the Challenge


I have been asked by Leona to share on leadership during the AGM in CF. As I was preparing for the session this morning, I suddenly became aware that the message I prepared was a message to me as well. This message was drawn from the passage in John 21, where Jesus was commissioning Peter to lead His Church. The beautiful scene in which Jesus calls His simple and beloved disciple into a seemingly enormous task has touched me deeply time and time again. Ever since I heard its message at a leader’s camp called ‘Deep Impact’, God has continued to use this passage to inspire and encourage me as I walk the difficult path of following Jesus. The points in the message I prepared were taken from the sermon at the camp, as well as from one of my favorite books, called ‘In the Name of Jesus’ by Henri Nouwen.

· The Call: Simon son of John

Who does God call? What kind of person would God call?

In John 21, Jesus was calling Peter to lead the Church. This was the Peter that was so brash, foolhardy and often leapt before he looked. This was the Peter that didn’t understand that Jesus had to die. This was the same Peter that was brimming with self-confidence, so much that he could say, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will”. This same Peter couldn’t even stay awake to pray with Jesus at a time when Jesus needed His friends the most. This same Peter denied His own Lord three times to save his own skin. This is the kind of person that God calls to be a leader.

I have many times felt unworthy to lead the CF when I was the president. Now I feel unworthy to be its advisor. I believe that God is telling me that He calls me despite my shortcomings, despite my imperfections and despite my failures. Jesus called him ‘Simon son of John’. He was not calling him because he was the ‘Rock’. Jesus was calling Simon as his simple, imperfect self.

As His most holy eyes have not found among sinners any smaller man, nor any more insufficient and sinful, therefore He has chosen me to accomplish the marvelous work which God hath undertaken; He chose me because He could find none for worthless, and He wished to confound the nobility and grandeur, the strength, the beauty and the learning of this world. ~ St. Francis of Assisi

· The Question: Do you love Me?

Jesus was entrusting His most precious sheep to Peter. What question did He ask Peter? Jesus was not interested to know if He could trust him. Jesus didn’t ask him if he would be able to bring thousands to Christ. Neither did He ask if Peter could show Him results. Jesus didn’t ask ‘How effective can you be?’, or ‘How good are you at what you do?’ All Jesus wanted to know was, “Do you love me?”

Many times, we are concerned about how effective we can be as leaders, or how much fruit we can bear. We wonder if we can achieve what we think God wants us to achieve. In regards to my role as an advisor, I wonder about the same things too. I wonder if I will be able to be a good advisor. I wonder if I can be effective. God wants to let me know that all He is concerned about is ‘Do you love me?’ Will I love Him by obeying Him? Will I remain faithful to Him no matter what the cost?

· The Task: Feed My Sheep

Jesus gave Peter a task. It was not to take care of the sheep-pen. It was not to take care of the tools. It was to feed and take care of God’s flock. God’s flock is made up of people. The task that has been entrusted to us as leaders is to take care of people. In whatever we do, it must always be about PEOPLE. We must always question ourselves: are using people to build our ministry, or are we using our ministry to build people? Do we care about the activities and ministries more than we care about people? I learnt this very crucial lesson when I was serving as the president. May I always remember that I have been called to build people, not activities and ministries.

· The Challenge: Follow Me

Jesus told Peter how he would have to die. Jesus challenged Peter to follow Him. What does it mean to follow Jesus? Jesus was rejected. He was alone. Jesus struggled with His Father. Jesus suffered on the cross. Jesus gave of himself. Following Jesus means that there will be times when we will feel rejected. It also means that there will be times when loneliness will overwhelm us. It means that we will have to make personal sacrifices and endure much suffering. Nobody said that being a leader would be easy. But this is God’s challenge to all of us who are called to follow Him. It is the price that we have to pay. Are we willing to bear the cost? Am I willing to follow Jesus all the way, even through the tough times?

As I prepare this message, I hope and believe that this is what God wants to say to the leaders in CF. I know though, that this is what God wants to say to ME as He prepares me for the role of advisor in the CF.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Confirmation

I had dinner with Annette tonight. We had postponed our meeting once because I could not meet with her previously. Now I had more questions to ask her. Now some of my questions have been answered. She encouraged me to accept the challenge and to take up this opportunity to serve as an advisor. She mentioned that one of the CF members felt disappointed when she found out that she had not been chosen to be in the committee. She had been praying about it and sincerely thought that God was telling her that she would have a part to play in the committee. She even argued about it with her church mentor, who came from a church that discouraged its members from being involved in CF. I feel for her, and I think she did deserve a chance as she is a wonderful person. Now she is in her final year and it looks as if that opportunity will never come. Annette then shared that we can pray and think that God is leading us in a certain direction, but we will always need the community to give us confirmation of that.

Is being the advisor really what God is calling me to do? I now have the answer. As Annette explained to me about her belief that my returning to serve in CF is a calling from God, I felt that it was God’s word of confirmation to me. Again, it seems that He is using another significant encounter to set me off on a new path. Here is another example of how the community of believers can be so important in bringing new life to the Church.

What role will the advisor play? Where do I draw the line in regards to my involvement so that the leadership of the students is respected? Annette, being an experienced full-time staff with FES, could answer my question without hesitation. The advisor will be someone who needs to be present among the students, so that he or she can function as a sounding board for them. The students can bring their questions to the advisor, and the advisor should help them to see things from an unbiased perspective. The advisor will also need to function as a mentor to some of the students. The advisor should always ask himself this question: Are the students able to handle this thing themselves? The advisor should not in any way attempt to do anything which he thinks the students are able to handle for themselves. This is where I should draw the line.

A new adventure lies before me. As I make preparations for the journey ahead, I feel that it is time for another period of soul-searching and reflection. It is time to look again at myself, my motives, and my focus. It is time to ‘walk down the old roads and read again the signposts that have led us to this moment’, as Annette would say.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

My Need for Acceptance

Reading Henri Nouwen’s book and thinking about many things lately have brought to my attention a hidden weakness in me. It is my constant need and desire to be accepted. I have come to realize that there have been times in the past where this need for acceptance has been the source of motivation for what I do. The questions that I asked myself yesterday have helped to illuminate this weakness. Have I been caring for others as well as serving people so that they would think better of me? Am I doing things because I want people to accept me and appreciate me more? Like Henri Nouwen, I have tried again and again to look for a relationship to fall back on when things were not going smoothly. When one relationship is not going too well, I would go to another relationship for approval and affirmation. When something happens in one relationship, I find comfort in the fact that I have other relationships. When I am not accepted somewhere, I remind myself that there are other people elsewhere who accept me.

Is this hidden need the reason why I am so concerned about whether the new CF committee members are interested to have me as an advisor? When the opportunity for me to serve as the advisor came, I asked Leona to get the opinions of the upcoming committee members before I make up my mind. Is it because I am afraid that they will not accept me? Is Christ not enough for me?

As my reading of ‘The Road to Daybreak’ comes to an end, I would like to insert a portion of Henri Nouwen’s reflections in his epilogue here. I believe that there is a message for me in this treasure of a book as I look to embark on this new adventure with God. Just as Henri Nouwen found it difficult to adapt to his new home as well as to find acceptance in his new vocation where he lived among the handicapped, I will need to learn to acknowledge the fact that the love of Christ is sufficient for me as I move on in life.

It was the affective wounds of the handicapped people in my own home that opened the door to my own wounded affectivity. Very soon, I was asking myself, “Do I really care for these people? Am I really willing to make them the center of my life? What do I mean when I say to them, ‘I love you’? How faithful am I really? Am I capable of lasting relationships? Or, is my attention for these broken people little more than my way of feeling better of myself?” Very few stones remain unturned. Care, compassion, love for neighbor, promise, commitment, and faithfulness… I turned and turned these concepts in my mind and heart, and sometimes it felt as though the spiritual house I had built up over the years was now proving to be made of cardboard and ready to go up in flames. Often I doubted if there was any solid ground under my feet.

But, hesitantly and even reluctantly, I am coming to see the mystery that the community of Daybreak was given to me precisely to offer me a ‘safe’ context in which to enter into the second loneliness with Jesus. There is nothing charming or romantic about it. It is dark agony. It is following Jesus to a completely unknown place. It is being emptied out on the cross and having to wait for new life in naked faith. But the same cross that calls for dying from what seems so good and beautiful is also the place where a new spiritual community is being born. The death of Jesus was the dying of the grain destined to bear much fruit. My life will never be fruitful if I am not willing to go that same painful but hopeful route.

I express this with fear and trembling because I am just starting to see the light of a new day and I still do not know if I will have the courage to walk the long road ahead of me. But by writing this down I am able to look directly at my own words and that in itself is a step forward. ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen

Monday, February 21, 2005

An Invitation

After so long, Joseph, Leona, Beatrice and I finally had lunch together. I have been longing to bring them together so that we could share our experiences together. They are the current leaders of the CF, and now that their term is almost over, I thought that it would be good to come together and see what each of us has learnt from the experience. It was also a good opportunity to encourage one another as we move on in our lives.

During lunch though, we talked more about the CF than about one another. We ended up talking about the concerns of the CF rather than about our experiences as leaders and what we could learn from it. In a way, I am quite disappointed now that we didn’t really do what I had in mind initially. Well, maybe I could still do it with them individually through yahoo messenger.

One thing that I never expected from this session was an invitation; an invitation to serve in the CF by being the advisor. Dr Ian, a lecturer in MMU, is the current advisor to the CF. Recently however, he has had some problems in his family. It is becoming increasingly difficult for him to be around in CF and to be among the members. Joseph and Leona have been telling me about this, together with the CF’s need to have someone who could be there to give suggestions and advice. Since Dr Ian was unavailable most of the time, the committee would usually go to Annette instead. Annette though, will not always be on campus and had other responsibilities. Somehow, I felt that they had been hinting me about it, so the invitation was not entirely unexpected, just the timing of it.

Last month, I have been asking questions. What does moving on really mean for me? What role does God have for me in the CF? It would seem that God has given me an answer. The timing of this invitation and the stirring in my heart would seem to confirm this. Yet, I have more questions now more than ever. Is this really what God has been calling me to do? Is this the role that I am to play in the CF? Should I accept this role? What will I be able to contribute? Does the new committee really need someone like me to be an advisor? Will they accept me? What does an advisor really need to do?

What will my motives be? Will I do it out of love and out of my desire to follow Christ? Will I do it for the glory and recognition that it brings? How can I be an advisor when I don’t pray sometimes? How can I be an advisor when I am so selfish? How can I be an advisor when I sometimes feel so far from God? How can I be an advisor when I don’t live out a lot of what I say? What about pride? What if I end up saying things out of my own wisdom instead of listening to what God has to say?

On one hand, I feel that God has shown me enough for me to know that I should go ahead and accept the invitation. On the other hand, I am afraid and unsure. I am afraid that I may fail Him. I am afraid that I may fail others. I am afraid that I may end up making the same mistakes. I am afraid that I am not worthy. I am afraid of the consequences of accepting it. I am afraid that I will have to sacrifice more of myself and what I have.

During Bible study, Adrian and Katherine were sharing about how they felt when their parents rejected their efforts to share Jesus with them. Everyone was sharing in each other’s pain and encouraging one another. What was I doing? I was observing from without. I was thinking. Why don’t I feel the same way about my own parents? Why am I so selfish? Where is my compassion? Where is my love for others? Have all my efforts to be caring and to help others been all about me? Have I done it so that others would think better of me? Have I been so eager to help others to improve my reputation? Is my faith so much about head knowledge that my heart is now so cold? These are difficult questions to ask myself. Nevertheless, I know that I have to work them out with God. Is this the kind of advisor that He has chosen?

Friday, February 18, 2005

Mission to Sarawak 2

Though many couldn’t make it, the few of us managed to get together to lay the foundations for the second trip to Sarawak. We managed to agree on a few things and decide on the tentative dates and plans. I am excited about this second trip. I really pray that this trip will materialize. I pray that God will lead us through the planning and preparation and be in charge of it.

I know that it will not be easy to go there again. I am reminded of the discomfort and challenges that I will need to face, but I want to surrender my life fully to God. I can recall the toilets, the hot nights without fans, the skin problems I had there, and the long flight to Sarawak. Reading about Henri Nouwen’s struggles to become poor and to surrender to God’s call to move into a home for the handicapped has been an inspiration to me. I very much want to do the same, by putting aside any selfish thoughts of personal discomfort so that I may be God’s vessel of hope and love. May God give me the strength to sacrifice a little for the sake of others.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

A Thankful Heart

I AM THANKFUL FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE THAT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES THAT I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I AM EMPLOYED.
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND THAT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH THAT SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I AM ALIVE.
AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

I received this through the e-mail today. I am reminded once again of how blessed I am and how thankful I should be to God who has given me so much. Recently, Agnes has been telling me off about my tendency to complain about almost everything. I think I have, and I believe that it is all down to the fact that I have not been thankful. I like this poem very much as it helps me to look at things differently. It teaches me to be thankful for all the things that I normally complain about, because these are the very things that remind me of God’s goodness and providential grace.

Bible study was canceled today so I was able to join up with my SK and ex-SK group of friends for dinner at SS2. It was great to be able to meet up together like this. There were more than 20 of us, who used to be in the same CG together. It reminded me again of old times, when all of us stayed in SK. We would meet up frequently and go for outings and meals together. Now we have all gone our separate ways. It has been getting more and more difficult to organize dinners like this, since all of us were staying in different locations and had different jobs with different commitments to different churches. I am thankful to God for this community of friends and fellow believers. I am sure that such a close group of friends is not easy to come by, and it all started because of something called the CF and CG.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Remember the Lord Your God

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today. If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. Like the nations the LORD destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the LORD your God. (Deuteronomy 8:10-20)

Rev. Moses Lee preached on Deuteronomy chapter 8 today as we had our Chinese New Year Thanksgiving service in Jelutong Methodist Church. It was a reminder to all of us not to forget the Lord and his commands especially in times of prosperity and plenty. Why do we have to remember God? The passage tells us that:-

1. It was God who brought the Israelites out of slavery and provided for them in the wilderness. Similarly, it is God who brought us out of slavery from sin and provided for us in our times of trial.
2. It is not by our own hand that we have prospered, but it is God who gives us power and wealth.
3. If we forget God, then we will have to bear the consequences. God can take away our lives and our prosperity in a flash.

How then do we remember the Lord?

1. By being constantly grateful and thankful for what God has done for us.
2. By being humble and aware always that what we have is not due to our own greatness, but are gifts of grace from God.
3. By being obedient to God’s commands and will.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

The Shrub Outside My Window

Much is expected of bedrooms and bathrooms in the modern home. They must do duty as the rooms in which we sleep and bathe, of course, but they also have the potential to be our personal safe havens, to be our refuge not only from the pressure and pace of the world outside, but also from the activity within the household. They are, in fact, the ultimate sanctuary. ~ Trends, Perfect Bed & Bathroom

It is no wonder that most of us spend so much time decorating and cleaning up our bedrooms. Our bedrooms are our own personal, private retreats from the hustle and bustle of the world outside. They offer us a moment in which we can shut ourselves off from the rest of the world and in which we can be alone with ourselves, as well as with God.

I was pleasantly surprised when I entered my bedroom back here in Penang. Now a king-sized bed lay in it, together with new curtains and new carpeting on the floor. My parents even had the lights changed. One yellow spot light which used to hang on one of the walls was changed into a dim, blue light. I was impressed! Previously, I would sleep in the TV room every time I came home for the holidays. My room would be too dusty and the bed would have broken springs. Now that my room has had a sort of a make-over, I think I will look forward to coming back home more often! The ‘glow in the dark’ stars which I had pasted all over my room walls and ceiling were still there. I had almost forgotten about it until I turned off the lights for the night yesterday. It was beautiful, and memories of my teenage years came flooding back to me.

While looking around my room, I decided to pull back the curtains to a window facing the backyard, totally not expecting another pleasant surprise - there is a little shrub growing outside my window! As I was browsing through one of my parents’ books called ‘Perfect Bed & Bathroom’, I drooled at photographs of bedrooms which had windows facing magnificent gardens. Well, now I have a shrub outside my window, which gave a sense of nature surrounding my bedroom retreat. I talked to my mom about it, and later felt sad when she told me that they planned to get someone to remove it. Well, at least I can enjoy it for a little while more.

Friday, February 04, 2005

On Significant Encounters


Reading ‘The Road to Daybreak’ later in the evening, I came across an entry in Henri Nouwen’s diary that told of his reflections on the Gospel of the Visitation. He talked about how Mary went to look for her sister Elizabeth once she had found out that she was to bear God’s child. Together, both of them would be able to share each other’s burdens of carrying the Son of God and the prophet who would prepare the way for Him. Nouwen believed that this encounter between Mary and Elizabeth was a significant one, and he reiterated the importance of community in the Christian faith. We cannot live alone. I agree with him, that our lives as Christians are intertwined with the lives of other Christians around us. A part of our very selves is constantly shaped by the people we meet and interact with. Every now and then, an encounter with another person rubs off on us so significantly that it either ignites a change in us or sets us on a new path.

So often, new life appears in the Church because of an encounter. Dorothy Day never claimed ‘The Catholic Worker’ as her own invention. She always spoke of it as the fruit of her encounter with Peter Maurin. Jean Vanier never claims that he started L’Arche on his own. He always points to his encounter with Pere Thomas Philippe as the true beginning of L’Arche. In such encounters, two or more people are able to affirm each other in their gifts and encourage each other to ‘let it happen to them’. In this way, new hope is given to the world. ~ Henri Nouwen

I can also say that my life has been about a series of very significant encounters with godly people who have been used by God to change my life. The encounter with Joshua Loh in Form 2, the encounter with Paul Yong in Form 3, the encounters with all the people that I have met in CF and CG, and not least among them the encounter with Annette Arulrajah. Of all the people that I have met since going to university, no other person has had such an impact on my life.